Hate?
Depression has taken its toll on me.
I am extremely unhappy.
For the last two days, I have simply laid in bed and cried my eyes out. In between the spaces where I have not shed tears of loneliness and perversion, I have tried to sleep. Nightmares plague me and I want to cry more. I wake up from this sadness feeling even more depressed, yet the eyes are puffy and crusted together with heaviness. I have just got back from San Francisco on a visit with my sister. I didn't want to leave. As soon as I knew that I had to, I pulled her close to me and cried. It hurt so much. I didn't realize that I could feel that much pain. It hurt worse than anything I have ever felt before. And she started to cry as well. Her fiancee looked at me funny. He had never seen me cry before. Tears swelled in his own eyes and he had to turn away for fear that he would look too much like a pussy. I miss my sister. I don't want to be here anymore. I don't know where I want to be.
I am lonely.
I am pathetic.
I am not enjoying the relationship that I am in anymore. I don't believe that it's based on love. It seems to be based on synthetics and partying- a scene which I no longer want to be involved in. But, I don't know how to get myself out of it, unless I move away from this town. When that will be? I don't know. I want it so bad.
I am depressed.
I don't want to get out of bed anymore.
Masturbation is the only thing that appeals to me and when that is over I feel even more pathetic.
I hate myself.
Don't tell anyone.
.Silence.