Problems
Once again, this entry and everything that I have to say today, has nothing to do with Her. She is not going to have a voice. It is null and void and she has been suppressed. Right now, my worries and concerns are all about me. Nothing else. Nobody else. This has to do with me. My pitiful actions, and my future repercussions and consequences.
And then again...I might be overreacting with this whole situation.
Let me explain:
Yesterday, I took this graduate admissions exam called the GRE. This test admits you into Grad school. Not Law School. (Yes, I do have a Law test coming up soon as well, so this is not about me going to law school. It is just about me getting into Graduate school for a PHD if that is what I wanted instead of Law. Which, I dont know if that is what I want anyway. I am all jumbled. On with my story). So, I didn't do well. I did ok on the verbal, but not terrific. Not anything to be whole-heartedly proud of. Above average. But, still not the score that I wanted. And I did shitty on the math. Way shitty. I mean I probably have the math capacity as a five year old. I am in the 9th percentile of losers of this country. That is how I feel. That is what the test told me. I took this test for one specific graduate school. University of California, Irvine. This school has the only Criminology program in California. This is the school (if I wasn't going to go to law school for Criminology and Criminal Law and Environmental Law) that I really wanted to go to. And now, I am so fucking scared that because of this test and some mess-ups on my transcripts from UCLA (I have a "D" on my record from this science class that I am hoping they will overlook because I am not a math/science major and they will look at everything else and know that I have mostly A's and B's. I am a fucking good student dammit)that they are going to think that I am not worthy of going to their school and bearing their name.
These are my worries. These are my concerns. And then I wonder, if I am only looked at because of that score, then why would I even want to go to that school. That school is probably not right for me anyway. And I should just shrug it off and move on.
This is hard for me.
This is poo.