Snap
Once upon a time, I heard your call. Sweet sounds of playful laughter and blossoming wildflowers. I kissed your lips with unhindered love and sucked petals of you into my soul. Inside you grew. Inside I watered you. I thought it was forever. Now I know that forever has its limits too...
I know it is wrong of me to complain about people moving on and growing up. I realize that I don't have the right to keep people back because I want them to. I realize that. Yes. I understand. No fucking shit. I realize that what I want is extremely selfish and my prayers to my dear mother every night can be horrible to the outcomes of some. But, what they don't realize is, that I think I know what is best for them. Granted, everyone is given the choice to have free will and do what they want to in life. But, when I see those I fucking love and care about going down roads where I know it would lead to dead-ends and broken hearts, I don't understand why I shouldn't take it upon myself to do something to make everything better. I see Margo (what once I called my Iris) doing things that are just so blatantly retarded that I want to change it. She hasn't learned from her mistakes, and she continues to do nothing with her life even though she has goals to pursue. I see the road-blocks in her way. I know what they are. So, why shouldn't I take it upon myself to get rid of those road-blocks so that she can be on the right path again? For instance, her husband. He is such a fucking idiot. Retarded, unintelligent, devoid of any palpable responses to the human world...he is one of those bugs that you wouldn't mind squashing because they are too stupid to exist in this world. Yet, my best friend decided to marry him. What the fuck? He is taking up her money. He is using her car. He is turning her into something fucking gross and disgusting. Margo used to be this beautiful, tall, blonde, hot fucking bitch. Now, I see her as this hag that doesn't give a shit about her appearance or where her life is going. I don't want to sound dismal about my best friend. But, it disgusts me. I want him gone. I want her to fucking realize that her marriage is stupid and fucking retarded just like her childish husband. Get rid of him. Fuck. It is sad to realize that the one person you love with all your heart has become something that you are too repelled by to look at.
We grew from the same woman. One before. One after. We held hands. Palm to palm. Cheek to Cheek. With the coming tides she was swept away from me, and I try foolhardily to catch her. She isn't coming back...and something more horrible is going to take her further from me...
And now we move on to my sister. I am going to be seeing her tomorrow. And I will never want to let her go. I am scared that I am losing her. I would die if I lost my sister. My baby brother is going to Iraq in January, and my littlest brother (the one that is closest to him) doesn't want to talk about it. No one has brought it up to him for the last couple of weeks. Then, out of nowhere, he was eating dinner with my step-mom and my father, and he turns to her...and says..."If my brother dies in the war, I will kill myself." Ok...my baby brother (the one that said this) is six years old. SIX!!! And he is already contemplating suicide. My step-mom said it was the creepiest thing you would ever hear a child say because he was so matter of fact and willing to do so. Rather than continue to think of that, I began to think of my sister. My fucking god. If something happened to her, I would kill myself. I literally would. Yet, she lets her boyfriend do porn for extra money and then come home and have unprotected sex with her. I thought that my sister would be much smarter than all of that. What the fuck happened? I am so fucking scared that I am losing her to something that is out of my control. People wonder why I can't concentrate fully on my school? Look what I am going through. I have a family that is falling apart, and I have to be the strong one and not shed a tear. I am supposed to continue with my usual routine and support everyone else and their tears. When is it my turn to break down? And even typing this, I have no time to break. No time to even be writing this.
And with that...I leave it off...