Stink
I don't know how many times I tell myself to do this one simple thing before I go to bed: Just calm your mind, forget about the day, and make the most out of the next - live it like it's your last. Every night I tell myself that. Every night I make that vow to myself. And yet, for some reason, I don't feel particularly satisfied when I am living my life the next day. Since it is summer, I do not have school right now, so my days do not consist of that, but they do consist of me going to work five days a week, where I stay from 8:00 AM until 5:00 PM. I don't feel that is living life at all. What is the purpose of working so hard when I am just paying off my bills? What am I doing to satisfy myself? I can't find these answers. It's really hard for me to find any answers actually.
I come home from work at night, vowing that I won't take a nap but will do something with the remainder of my day. This usually does not happen. I end up relaxing on the couch and watching something on T.V., and then slowly drifting off to sleep. When I wake up, I spend the remainder of my night curled up watching more T.V. or going to the gym. I do not hang out with my friends anymore. Me and Mark do not go out and go on a date or explore our city. I really don't do anything exciting. This is not satisfying to me. This is not me living a life of complete happiness. I am incredibly disappointed in the way that I am living my life. I do not feel that I am living. I don't understand why I am working so hard when I am not reaping any benefits or happiness from it. What is my purpose here? Because if this is it, then I am not ok with it.
It's like how I feel about reality shows. Are we all really sitting around watching these stupid programs instead of going out there and living our own lives? Seriously? And, I am sometimes very guilty of this as well. There is something wrong with my life. I can't take it anymore.