Silence
Lick the windows. Cold. Like ice. I miss the ice. Droplets of snow. I crave it. I miss the winter...
Tomorrow is my judgment day. Jon comes home. I will be able to find out everything when I look into his eyes. I hope that this paranoia is just that...paranoia. He ended up calling me last night, making my last post here seem asinine and foolish. However, he called me at one in the morning. I know that I should be grateful, seeing that he called at all, showing that he thought about me. But, as usual, the sweet human was drunk. I should have expected it. He told me that he and Nate went to see Resident Evil: Apocalypse. (Though I saw Sky Captain. My ANGELINA!!!) It just seems weird to me. I have this feeling that Nate went with the Norwegian chick that he has been boning out there in Arizona. So, does that mean that Jon just tagged along for the ride? Or...did she happen to bring a chick around for him as well? My mind is racing with negative possibilities. I know my speculations might be pessimistic, but given the background I have with choosing guys, I should be no other way. They have all fucked me over. There should be no trust. I can't trust. It is no longer a possibility. And any guy I am ever with in the future, just has to fucking understand that. So, I admit it here and now (to myself) that if I am wrong about Jon, then I owe him a big apology. But, if this paranoia and hopefully irrational fear is right, then...like all the others...he will be kicked to the curb. I am used to it by now. The only person that ever seems to stick around is my Iris. I guess that will never change...unless her fucking husband continues to try and take her away. Then I am all alone. Whatever. I pictured myself living alone with a bunch of cats in the future and just sleeping around with the next large cock that climbs in bed with me. Perhaps that's just the way of things. I don't know what more to say about Jon. I am tired. I don't want to speculate about anything anymore. I just want to go to bed.
I don't want to sleep any longer...
Why won't the world compromise and let me come out?
Change...forget the banality...be what you used to be...