Introducing Acerbic Keiki + Backwoods Rakushun
Keiki has a deadpan sense of humor. Less prissy, more dryly sarcastic. Meanwhile Rakushun is nawght but simple country folk if he don't say so himself. It definitely works but at the same time it's kind of disorienting: weren't these characters different in the Japanese? Or am I wrong? I haven't read the original so this is just going by gut and, and second-hand reports of excessive keigo usage, not to mention canis_m's Yoko/Keiki fanfics.
Here's what I mean:
Keiki
First impression of Keiki is that he's an arrogant, cold-hearted guy:
***
The man looked at her teacher threateningly. When he spoke, his voice was cold. "This has nothing to do with you. You will stand aside.
***
Of course he's not talking to Yoko here, but to a peon (who, indeed, has nothing to do with it). Maybe he's less assertive with Yoko?
***
The man grimaced. "Truly stubborn," he spat, and dropped to his knees. Before she could react, he reached out and grabbed Yoko's feet - not aggressively, but submissively, as if in some foreign gesture of respect.
***
Mixed message there, to say the least. Later:
***
Reluctantly Yoko took the sword in her hands. It was far heavier than she had expected; she doubted she could swing it.
"But I don't know how to use it either!" she protested.
"You would prefer to be killed?" he asked calmly.
"Of course not!"
"Then use it."
***
This comes right after the section I quoted in the last post -- it's the best example of eyebrows-raised, level-headed ice prince Keiki. It leads to this:
***
"Foolish girl!" shouted the man, his voice a mix of anger and surprise.
Yoko had thrown the sword half-heartedly at the bird. Much to her surprise, it had actually gone far enough to lightly graze the thing's wing before falling to the ground with a clang.
"Of all the- Hyoki!" The man shouted, and Yoko fancied she could hear him clicking his tongue in displeasure.
***
Throwing a little bit of exasperation into the mix. I realize I'm not exactly making my case here, but it's hard to pull any kind of coherent characterization out of this section, since the point is that it's sudden it's a sudden uprooting, and Keiki's actions fluctuate violently between serene and impatient, assertive and submissive. A better sense of how the author intends the reader to understand Keiki's relationship with Yoko comes with their reunion at the end of the book. At first they're all lovey-dovey:
***
"Keiki?"
The kirin looked into Yoko's eyes. She stroked his golden mane, and the large eyes closed.
My other half...
This beast - only a figure of some storyteller's imagination in the world where she was born - was the one who had brought her here, who had set her fate.
"I've been looking for you," Yoko said. She crouched down beside the beast and he rested his chin in her lap, dipping his head as though bowing.
***
Awwww. BUT, Keiki soon feels an urge toward keeping up appearances:
***
The kirin continued to rub its horn against her arm with something akin to impatience, and Yoko soon realized that something was amiss...
'If it's a wound, this may help,' Yoko thought, pulling the scabbard gem on its cord from inside her robe. She ran it lightly across the surface of the horn...each time the characters grew fainter, until at last they were invisible. Suddenly a voice sounded under her arm. "Many thanks."
The voice was familiar, yet it felt like an age had passed since Yoko had last heard it.
"Keiki?" she breathed.
The kirin narrowed his eyes and looked up at her. "Who else? It seems I've put you through a great deal of trouble, and for that I apologize." He didn't sound sorry in the least.
A smile came unbidden to Yoko's lips. Yes, it was the same old Keiki she knew, droll and unrepentant to the last.
***
There you have it. Keiki is droll and unrepentant. The author translator has spoken!
...
Personally, I kind of like droll Keiki. We only got to meet him briefly in the beginning, and now -- after hearing so much about him -- we are meeting him again 400 pages later, in the most important scene in the book. The reunion scene is it, it's the emotional payoff that ties everything together. It's kind of nice that Keiki gets to be all self-possessed and memorable here, especially since it plays so well off new&improved Yoko.
***
You came alone?" he demanded.
"The Ever-King aided me," she told him. "His kingsmen are outside now, dealing with the armies of the imposter who imprisoned you.
"I see," said the kirin, nodding; then he raised his voice. "Hyoki! Jusak!"
..."You're all right?" Yoko asked, after a moment.
"Of course," the kirin replied, as if it were the most needless question she could have asked.
***
XD. Getting down to bizness! He's outwardly cold but with a softer side. You can see why the last master fell for him. (Actually the image of this 'unrepentant' Keiki and the Former Ruler of Kei together is kind of terrifying. XD;)
Rakushun
Translation!Rakushun is pure Redwall with maybe some Wind in the Willows thrown in. I had to keep reminding myself I wasn't reading Brian Jacques (though O Smith's country-bumpkin is a lot less consistent than Jacques' moles or rats or field mice). I'd be lying if I said I never laughed -- but at the same time I did sort of find myself getting indignant on Rakushun's behalf. No one else talks like that! Just because he's half-rat? Isn't that stereotyping?
***
The rat held out the mug again, but Yoko still refused to take it. The rat frowned and scratched beneath one ear. "I s'pose your fever is mostly gone anyway. What will you eat, then? Got to eat and drink or you'll wither away. How 'bout some tea? Goat's milk? Maybe some porridge?
***
First impression. Very woodsy.
***
"Me name's Rakushun. You?"
***
It's stuff like this (and the "aye!"s) that made tokyofish think "pirate!" but it's not a pirate accent, it's a backwoods accent. Aside from typecasting (talking rat...) the only reason I can think of for this accent in particular is so that Rakushun will not appear threatening, and so that we can have scenes like this:
***
"Not to ring me own bell, but I'm about the brightest fellow in these parts, humans included."
Yoko looked at Rakushun, confused.
"I'm clever, sharp-eyed, and good-natured."
Yoko laughed. "Are you now?"
***
See, talking rats are funny, and talking rat who are scholars are funnier, but talking rat-scholars with hick accents are definitely the funniest.
Another scene:
***
You want to know why? Why you were chosen? Well, don't ask me! How would I know? I'm a wee li'l beastling! I don't hold truck with gods. You know who you should ask? The Ever King! ...I shouldn't even be speaking to you."
"Me?"
"If things were as they should be, why, I'd have no business talking to the likes of you, Yoko. I shouldn't even be calling you that! Er, Your Majesty..." He spoke with his back turned to Yoko. Then he turned to face her again. "I know your journey has been long, er, Your Mightiness, but I think we'd best ask for help now, rather than delay until we reach Kankyu. We can wait in, er, repose at our lodgings until the Ever-King sends word for Your Loftiness." Rakushun concluded his little speech with a bow so low his whiskers touched the ground.
Sadness welled in Yoko. "Wait, Rakushun, you don't have to treat me so different all of a sudden! I'm still me."
***
The whole scene is comical (Yoko: That's discrimination!) so when Rakushun delivers his killer line (Yoko: I'm only two steps away! Rakushun: That might be two steps for you, but it's at least three steps for me) it's not so much breaking the tension as crowning the entire farcical exchange. XD Well, Rakushun has always been a comical character. (And didn't he have some kind of accent in the original, too?)
Which is to say, it does work. It might not even be that far off: what do I know, anyway?
As long as I've written this much I might as well do Shoryu and Enki:
Shoryu and Enki
Shoryu is like the coolest person ever when he first appears on-scene:
***
She began to close her eyes -- and the bird simply vanished. Someone had knocked it down from the side, but she had no time to see who.
She cut down two more birds, then dodged the blue ox again. A flash caught her eye -- the motion of a sword thrust skillfully through the monster's back. Yoko was so distracted she failed to see another bird swooping at her, but this too was cut down by--"
A man was beside her in the street. He stood with a warrior's poise, a full head taller than Yoko.
"Focus."
Speaking only that one word, the man turned and slashed down three screeching monkeys with a single swing of his blade.
***
You see? COOL. Afterwards he goes into one of those annoying "I've done nothing requiring your thanks, merely rid myself of those annoying creatures" speeches, which dims the coolness a little but that's no one's fault -- just a Japanese thing.
***
I've no wish to speak to any bothersome officials.
***
XD.
***
"You..." She faltered. "You're not the minister of En, are you?"
The man smiled unkindly. "The minister is out. If you've business here, I'll hear it now.
***
Ever-King forever! Naturally Yoko's too slow to figure it out, needs to be told flat-out (if I were him, I'd have drawn the revelation out even longer). Anyway, thought I'd point out, Shoryu is the slightest bit sinister here. Mostly it's dramatic suspense -- is this a good guy? a bad guy? ...You see why I can't just pull out random lines to make these points, instead I'm quoting what feels like pages and pages.
Oh right, I promised Enki too.
***
Just then, the room's large entry door opened again, and a briny wind blew in. "Ah," said the king, looking up. "We were just talking about you."
***
Note familiarity.
***
The boy's eyes shot over to Yoko and Rakushun. "What, you've got guests?"
"Not my guests. Yours."
"Mine? Never seen 'em before." The boy squinted his eyes, looking at Yoko's face. "So? Who're you?"
***
And again it's one of those delay-revelation-of-identity for entertainment things. It never gets old! This scene's hilarious, by the way. Page 400.
***
"Why didn't you say so sooner? Man, ain't you got any manners?" the boy said vindictively.
***
Good question. XD
I feel like I should point out that Enki's accent, too, fades in and out:
***
"Shoryu," interrupted Enki. "Do not force her. The Glory-King must decide for herself what is to become of Kei. If she is ready to take responsibility for her actions, then those actions are hers to take.
***
A serious tone for a serious moment? Later, after Yoko comes through a long tense inner struggle having decided to accept the throne:
***
"I ask for your assistance. And...I am sorry to have disappointed you with my indecision until now."
Enki laughed, his face taut. "Shoryu just wants more taika kings, you know. Don't let him push you around. It's been lonely for him, being the only one of his kind.
***
Some teasing to lighten the mood. Don't know if I want to make too much of this considering it's largely a bridge into the next part of the conversation, where Taiki gets discussed. (Foreshadowing!)
I'd planned to talk a little about chapters 4-8 here, but this is getting a little long. (Aha.) Guess I'll save it for next time. (Homework, what's that?)
Here's what I mean:
Keiki
First impression of Keiki is that he's an arrogant, cold-hearted guy:
***
The man looked at her teacher threateningly. When he spoke, his voice was cold. "This has nothing to do with you. You will stand aside.
***
Of course he's not talking to Yoko here, but to a peon (who, indeed, has nothing to do with it). Maybe he's less assertive with Yoko?
***
The man grimaced. "Truly stubborn," he spat, and dropped to his knees. Before she could react, he reached out and grabbed Yoko's feet - not aggressively, but submissively, as if in some foreign gesture of respect.
***
Mixed message there, to say the least. Later:
***
Reluctantly Yoko took the sword in her hands. It was far heavier than she had expected; she doubted she could swing it.
"But I don't know how to use it either!" she protested.
"You would prefer to be killed?" he asked calmly.
"Of course not!"
"Then use it."
***
This comes right after the section I quoted in the last post -- it's the best example of eyebrows-raised, level-headed ice prince Keiki. It leads to this:
***
"Foolish girl!" shouted the man, his voice a mix of anger and surprise.
Yoko had thrown the sword half-heartedly at the bird. Much to her surprise, it had actually gone far enough to lightly graze the thing's wing before falling to the ground with a clang.
"Of all the- Hyoki!" The man shouted, and Yoko fancied she could hear him clicking his tongue in displeasure.
***
Throwing a little bit of exasperation into the mix. I realize I'm not exactly making my case here, but it's hard to pull any kind of coherent characterization out of this section, since the point is that it's sudden it's a sudden uprooting, and Keiki's actions fluctuate violently between serene and impatient, assertive and submissive. A better sense of how the author intends the reader to understand Keiki's relationship with Yoko comes with their reunion at the end of the book. At first they're all lovey-dovey:
***
"Keiki?"
The kirin looked into Yoko's eyes. She stroked his golden mane, and the large eyes closed.
My other half...
This beast - only a figure of some storyteller's imagination in the world where she was born - was the one who had brought her here, who had set her fate.
"I've been looking for you," Yoko said. She crouched down beside the beast and he rested his chin in her lap, dipping his head as though bowing.
***
Awwww. BUT, Keiki soon feels an urge toward keeping up appearances:
***
The kirin continued to rub its horn against her arm with something akin to impatience, and Yoko soon realized that something was amiss...
'If it's a wound, this may help,' Yoko thought, pulling the scabbard gem on its cord from inside her robe. She ran it lightly across the surface of the horn...each time the characters grew fainter, until at last they were invisible. Suddenly a voice sounded under her arm. "Many thanks."
The voice was familiar, yet it felt like an age had passed since Yoko had last heard it.
"Keiki?" she breathed.
The kirin narrowed his eyes and looked up at her. "Who else? It seems I've put you through a great deal of trouble, and for that I apologize." He didn't sound sorry in the least.
A smile came unbidden to Yoko's lips. Yes, it was the same old Keiki she knew, droll and unrepentant to the last.
***
There you have it. Keiki is droll and unrepentant. The author translator has spoken!
...
Personally, I kind of like droll Keiki. We only got to meet him briefly in the beginning, and now -- after hearing so much about him -- we are meeting him again 400 pages later, in the most important scene in the book. The reunion scene is it, it's the emotional payoff that ties everything together. It's kind of nice that Keiki gets to be all self-possessed and memorable here, especially since it plays so well off new&improved Yoko.
***
You came alone?" he demanded.
"The Ever-King aided me," she told him. "His kingsmen are outside now, dealing with the armies of the imposter who imprisoned you.
"I see," said the kirin, nodding; then he raised his voice. "Hyoki! Jusak!"
..."You're all right?" Yoko asked, after a moment.
"Of course," the kirin replied, as if it were the most needless question she could have asked.
***
XD. Getting down to bizness! He's outwardly cold but with a softer side. You can see why the last master fell for him. (Actually the image of this 'unrepentant' Keiki and the Former Ruler of Kei together is kind of terrifying. XD;)
Rakushun
Translation!Rakushun is pure Redwall with maybe some Wind in the Willows thrown in. I had to keep reminding myself I wasn't reading Brian Jacques (though O Smith's country-bumpkin is a lot less consistent than Jacques' moles or rats or field mice). I'd be lying if I said I never laughed -- but at the same time I did sort of find myself getting indignant on Rakushun's behalf. No one else talks like that! Just because he's half-rat? Isn't that stereotyping?
***
The rat held out the mug again, but Yoko still refused to take it. The rat frowned and scratched beneath one ear. "I s'pose your fever is mostly gone anyway. What will you eat, then? Got to eat and drink or you'll wither away. How 'bout some tea? Goat's milk? Maybe some porridge?
***
First impression. Very woodsy.
***
"Me name's Rakushun. You?"
***
It's stuff like this (and the "aye!"s) that made tokyofish think "pirate!" but it's not a pirate accent, it's a backwoods accent. Aside from typecasting (talking rat...) the only reason I can think of for this accent in particular is so that Rakushun will not appear threatening, and so that we can have scenes like this:
***
"Not to ring me own bell, but I'm about the brightest fellow in these parts, humans included."
Yoko looked at Rakushun, confused.
"I'm clever, sharp-eyed, and good-natured."
Yoko laughed. "Are you now?"
***
See, talking rats are funny, and talking rat who are scholars are funnier, but talking rat-scholars with hick accents are definitely the funniest.
Another scene:
***
You want to know why? Why you were chosen? Well, don't ask me! How would I know? I'm a wee li'l beastling! I don't hold truck with gods. You know who you should ask? The Ever King! ...I shouldn't even be speaking to you."
"Me?"
"If things were as they should be, why, I'd have no business talking to the likes of you, Yoko. I shouldn't even be calling you that! Er, Your Majesty..." He spoke with his back turned to Yoko. Then he turned to face her again. "I know your journey has been long, er, Your Mightiness, but I think we'd best ask for help now, rather than delay until we reach Kankyu. We can wait in, er, repose at our lodgings until the Ever-King sends word for Your Loftiness." Rakushun concluded his little speech with a bow so low his whiskers touched the ground.
Sadness welled in Yoko. "Wait, Rakushun, you don't have to treat me so different all of a sudden! I'm still me."
***
The whole scene is comical (Yoko: That's discrimination!) so when Rakushun delivers his killer line (Yoko: I'm only two steps away! Rakushun: That might be two steps for you, but it's at least three steps for me) it's not so much breaking the tension as crowning the entire farcical exchange. XD Well, Rakushun has always been a comical character. (And didn't he have some kind of accent in the original, too?)
Which is to say, it does work. It might not even be that far off: what do I know, anyway?
As long as I've written this much I might as well do Shoryu and Enki:
Shoryu and Enki
Shoryu is like the coolest person ever when he first appears on-scene:
***
She began to close her eyes -- and the bird simply vanished. Someone had knocked it down from the side, but she had no time to see who.
She cut down two more birds, then dodged the blue ox again. A flash caught her eye -- the motion of a sword thrust skillfully through the monster's back. Yoko was so distracted she failed to see another bird swooping at her, but this too was cut down by--"
A man was beside her in the street. He stood with a warrior's poise, a full head taller than Yoko.
"Focus."
Speaking only that one word, the man turned and slashed down three screeching monkeys with a single swing of his blade.
***
You see? COOL. Afterwards he goes into one of those annoying "I've done nothing requiring your thanks, merely rid myself of those annoying creatures" speeches, which dims the coolness a little but that's no one's fault -- just a Japanese thing.
***
I've no wish to speak to any bothersome officials.
***
XD.
***
"You..." She faltered. "You're not the minister of En, are you?"
The man smiled unkindly. "The minister is out. If you've business here, I'll hear it now.
***
Ever-King forever! Naturally Yoko's too slow to figure it out, needs to be told flat-out (if I were him, I'd have drawn the revelation out even longer). Anyway, thought I'd point out, Shoryu is the slightest bit sinister here. Mostly it's dramatic suspense -- is this a good guy? a bad guy? ...You see why I can't just pull out random lines to make these points, instead I'm quoting what feels like pages and pages.
Oh right, I promised Enki too.
***
Just then, the room's large entry door opened again, and a briny wind blew in. "Ah," said the king, looking up. "We were just talking about you."
***
Note familiarity.
***
The boy's eyes shot over to Yoko and Rakushun. "What, you've got guests?"
"Not my guests. Yours."
"Mine? Never seen 'em before." The boy squinted his eyes, looking at Yoko's face. "So? Who're you?"
***
And again it's one of those delay-revelation-of-identity for entertainment things. It never gets old! This scene's hilarious, by the way. Page 400.
***
"Why didn't you say so sooner? Man, ain't you got any manners?" the boy said vindictively.
***
Good question. XD
I feel like I should point out that Enki's accent, too, fades in and out:
***
"Shoryu," interrupted Enki. "Do not force her. The Glory-King must decide for herself what is to become of Kei. If she is ready to take responsibility for her actions, then those actions are hers to take.
***
A serious tone for a serious moment? Later, after Yoko comes through a long tense inner struggle having decided to accept the throne:
***
"I ask for your assistance. And...I am sorry to have disappointed you with my indecision until now."
Enki laughed, his face taut. "Shoryu just wants more taika kings, you know. Don't let him push you around. It's been lonely for him, being the only one of his kind.
***
Some teasing to lighten the mood. Don't know if I want to make too much of this considering it's largely a bridge into the next part of the conversation, where Taiki gets discussed. (Foreshadowing!)
I'd planned to talk a little about chapters 4-8 here, but this is getting a little long. (Aha.) Guess I'll save it for next time. (Homework, what's that?)