To Those in the Know
I keep dreaming and dreaming, and it's all memories. Or it was. Now there's added freakout elements which I can't stand. I don't like that I'm reliving those weeks with Amaris every time I sleep, but it's worse when I remember things I'd forgotten. Like...I found bits of wood in that hole underneath the abandoned house. The place she moved me to? The house above was falling apart and splintered wood was littering the floor all over. And I remembered last night that I was so hungry and desperate I tried to eat it. It was filthy and disgusting and wood and I put it in my mouth and I tried to chew it up and it cut my tongue. And then I cried for far too long about the fact that I couldn't eat the wood. There was peeling wallpaper on the walls and I tried to eat that too. It did not work out so well.
I won't tell you what I did eat in case you don't know, but I dreamed about that too.
And then I dreamed Spectre and James were there with me. Obviously, that part isn't memory, but it's twice as terrifying. Watching them suffer, even if I get to wake from it, is more horrible than crying because I was dying of starvation and the wood was inedible.
This along with everything else? I don't need it. Everything's bollocks right now. Except I'm here and that is not bollocks. I'm grateful every day for that.
I won't tell you what I did eat in case you don't know, but I dreamed about that too.
And then I dreamed Spectre and James were there with me. Obviously, that part isn't memory, but it's twice as terrifying. Watching them suffer, even if I get to wake from it, is more horrible than crying because I was dying of starvation and the wood was inedible.
This along with everything else? I don't need it. Everything's bollocks right now. Except I'm here and that is not bollocks. I'm grateful every day for that.