somehow it always comes up..
during cross country practice today we took a diffrent route, one i've never been on in the three-years i've been here. and it turns out, we ran on your street. which reminded me, of everything. the things i'm trying to be over, less captivated with. i looked in the driveway hoping i'd catch
a glimpse of you, hoping you'd be there. so i could tell you exactly everything i've wanted to say for the past 2months. to make you sit down a really listen, to hear your side. to let you know that what you do is wrong. but then part of me wonders, if i really would. damn, all that cowardice that lives inside. i really just hate how one minute i'm over it, and then in less than 2.5seconds i'm back to where i've worked so hard to be away from. i wish i had someone to give me advice. i wish i could man up. i want to just march over there and tell you what a terrible person you come off as and how the things you do make people feel rotten and horrible. but i'm afraid, afraid that you would'nt even listen if i'm infront of your face.
i'm so damn irritated with the people i sit with. they are so damn loud, and complain about the most insignificant things. they are dramatic as hell. i've honestly got like 2 friends in school now. i feel so secluded, and i mean. part of me likes it. i just don't see the point in making an effort to entertain these people with fake smiles when deep down i know i don't give a damn. a year from now i won't remember who the hell they were to me. i feel so sad lately. i wish amanda lived down here, she's the only one who gets it. i don't know what to do anymore honestly. i want a reason. a name for it, depression or something to explain why i constantly feel the way i do. i'm seriously contemplating reliving my sophmore year. when i felt like i wasn't apart of anything, i just headed toward the library; emersed in music and literature. nerdy i know, but its some type of sanctuary.
a glimpse of you, hoping you'd be there. so i could tell you exactly everything i've wanted to say for the past 2months. to make you sit down a really listen, to hear your side. to let you know that what you do is wrong. but then part of me wonders, if i really would. damn, all that cowardice that lives inside. i really just hate how one minute i'm over it, and then in less than 2.5seconds i'm back to where i've worked so hard to be away from. i wish i had someone to give me advice. i wish i could man up. i want to just march over there and tell you what a terrible person you come off as and how the things you do make people feel rotten and horrible. but i'm afraid, afraid that you would'nt even listen if i'm infront of your face.
i'm so damn irritated with the people i sit with. they are so damn loud, and complain about the most insignificant things. they are dramatic as hell. i've honestly got like 2 friends in school now. i feel so secluded, and i mean. part of me likes it. i just don't see the point in making an effort to entertain these people with fake smiles when deep down i know i don't give a damn. a year from now i won't remember who the hell they were to me. i feel so sad lately. i wish amanda lived down here, she's the only one who gets it. i don't know what to do anymore honestly. i want a reason. a name for it, depression or something to explain why i constantly feel the way i do. i'm seriously contemplating reliving my sophmore year. when i felt like i wasn't apart of anything, i just headed toward the library; emersed in music and literature. nerdy i know, but its some type of sanctuary.