Fic: Five Magical Animal Incidents
I am so, so sorry. Sometimes things run away with me. Like right now. This is not in any way the Merlin fic you're looking for. And yet, I can't help myself but post it.
Title: Five Magical Animal Incidents
Author: suaine
Rating: Crack
Summary: [00:59] suaine: this cow looks oddly like Arthur
[01:00] lunafenice: ..................
[01:01] lunafenice: then write a story about Arthur as a cow
[01:03] lunafenice: a fluffy bunny then?
[01:03] lunafenice: penguins?
Five Magical Animal Incidents
I.
Merlin frowned and Arthur didn't know what to do with his hands. It was so obviously magic, no one would be able to keep quiet about it. His father would surely have the mare put down. Jasmine had been a favorite of Arthur's for years.
"You know, your father is going to have her put down."
Arthur glared at Merlin. "It's occurred to me, yes."
"Well," Merlin said, from his spot at the mare's side. His hands stroked the protrusions, calming her breaths and working that look of pure terror out of her eyes. "He can't find out. We have to get her out of the castle."
Arthur had to agree, but still. "How are we going to manage that? It's not like she can fly out of here."
They shared a look.
"You don't think..."
"No."
"I thought not."
"I mean."
"Merlin?"
"Hm?"
"Do you think she can fly?"
+
Arthur did his best not to look guilty. It was hard to hide the grin though.
"And I really think," his father said, "that we've made progress with the banishment of magic these past few weeks. The stories people tell get ever more impossible and outlandish. No more simple tricks and kitchen magic, that has all but died out, no. Now the people imagine that magic is a flying horse, soaring over the battlements of Camelot."
It took all Arthur's resolve not to burst out laughing.
II.
Merlin didn't think it was his fault. Really. He had done some accidental magic when he was younger, but that was all behind him. He had mastered life and death itself, he was not - absolutely not - doing magic like a particularly violent sneeze.
The cow - ox? - in front of him would beg to differ. The cow that had only seconds ago talked to him about his duties and why his sword needed polishing. The cow he could not, with all due respect, call Prince Arthur.
It blinked at him in a very menacing way.
"I, uhm," Merlin said.
To his credit, Arthur made a very pretty cow. The sharp horns were also very pretty, and even the teeth grinding against each other, projecting an air of severe dissatisfaction, very shiny and even and absolutely going to kill Merlin.
"Nice cow," Merlin said, inching toward the door, "you just stay here while I go and find out how to turn you back into Arthur, alright?"
The cow huffed. It looked like it was contemplating how much of a departure from its regular vegetarian food plan it would be to tear Merlin up and eat him. It chewed on air rather threateningly.
Merlin stumbled from the room in time to feel a hard thump against the door. Oh, Arthur would have a concussion, no doubt about it. Slowly, against Merlin's will for sure, a grin started to spread on his lips. Okay, so maybe Arthur deserved this for calling Merlin as dumb as an ox.
III.
The cold had taken its toll on all of them. Merlin took to wearing his extra scratchy woolen scarf for the little bit of additional warmth, and Morgana was never seen without a layer of ankle length fur. Even Arthur, who refused to admit how insanely cold it was, took to wearing his mail padding beneath his regular tunic.
Merlin had his theories that the cold might have been caused by some kind of magic and was explaining it at length to Hildgard, the under cook, when a guard came running up to him.
"Merlin," the guard said, "Prince Arthur requires your presence immediately."
Merlin rolled his eyes, but followed anyway. The guard led him down to the reservoir, and Merlin had a terrible suspicion what he might find. It turned out, though, that his imagination had nothing on reality.
"Arthur," he said, "what's wrong? Is the water supply frozen?"
Arthur looked from the reservoir where they'd once fought an avanc to Merlin and back again. There was something deeply disturbing in his eyes.
"Merlin."
Merlin stepped closer and tried to see around Arthur, but the prince was effectively blocking his view of the water's surface.
"Seriously, whatever it is, I don't think I'm qualified to help. I'm not an engineer or... oh."
The creatures were small, sturdy things. They didn't look dangerous. Their coats were black and white and grey, and they had little stubby beaks. And one of them was dancing.
"Merlin," Arthur said, "what are they? And what are they doing here?"
Merlin just shook his head. "I have no idea." The dancing one came hopping toward Merlin and flapped its ridiculous knobby wings.
"I think it's trying to talk to you."
Merlin reached out and the little creature flailed quite dramatically. Through the use of gestures and Arthur's unhelpful commentary, Merlin figured out where the creatures had meant to go and with some magic Arthur pretended not to see, Merlin sent them on their merry way.
The cold let up that very day, and both Merlin and Arthur figured it was just another day in Camelot.
IV.
"I hate you," Arthur snuffled.
Merlin chewed on a blade of grass. "You only say that because my fur is prettier than yours."
Arthur tugged at Merlin's quite ridiculous ears. "At least I don't look like a basset."
Merlin hopped a little way away, but not too far from where their clothes were sitting in two neat piles. The sorcerer who'd done this was long gone, satisfied that they wouldn't pursue him in this form. And really, it was for the best, Merlin would hate to see another of his kind executed so soon after the last.
"Can't you wiggle your nose and turn us back?" Arthur sounded petulant, even as a ruffled rabbit.
Merlin wiggled his nose. Nothing happened. "I don't think it works like that."
"I swear, Merlin, if I am stuck as a rabbit for the rest of my life, I will make sure every second of it is pain for you."
Merlin's ears drooped. He couldn't help it, how was he supposed to control his features when he was a rabbit? His ears had never been this flexible before.
Arthur rolled his eyes. "Don't even start."
"You're a prat. I can't believe it, you get turned into the most adorable creature on the planet and you're still a prat."
Arthur hopped toward Merlin and began nibbling at the back of his neck. Merlin couldn't decide if that was weird or the best thing ever. "What are you doing?"
"Do you really think I'm a prat?" Arthur sounded - almost vulnerable.
Merlin sighed and bumped Arthur's side with his head. "A right royal prat, but you're my prat, and I'll find a way to turn us back."
"Good," Arthur said, and did something that made Merlin's fur stand on end.
V.
There were things Arthur didn't really think about when it came to magic. He tried to keep its connection with Merlin out of his thoughts, he never examined the stories he'd heard in whispers about his birth, and he turned a blind eye to harmless acts of magic in the outlying villages.
But this.
This was kind of hard to ignore.
"They are cat people," Merlin said.
Merlin stood next to him and Arthur could feel the confusion in his manservant, trusted friend, and secret protector. "I can see that, Merlin."
"They are people, who look like cats."
Arthur gripped his sword tighter. "Yes, Merlin." The cat people were, in fact, surrounding them. And the day had started so innocently, with a shared breakfast, a deer's trail, and kissing. The kissing had been good, yes.
"Cat. People. Arthur."
Arthur twitched, and faced Merlin, instead of the quite scary looking, *armed* cat people. "I can actually see that, Merlin, and if you're done gaping like a fish, perhaps you could do something about them."
Merlin waved his hand ineffectually. He looked shell-shocked, like his world had broken open and re-arranged itself to spell out ... well, "cat people".
So Arthur stood on the brink of fighting a dozen man-sized, upright cats, when he figured it couldn't hurt to talk to them first. Their leader was quite amenable and took to Arthur like a ... okay, like a cat to fresh milk. Though Arthur would forever deny the licking.
Merlin would never let him forget the licking.
Although. They did learn some interesting techniques. Merlin's occasional night-time exclamation of "Cat! People!" in his sleep was a small price to pay for that.
Title: Five Magical Animal Incidents
Author: suaine
Rating: Crack
Summary: [00:59] suaine: this cow looks oddly like Arthur
[01:00] lunafenice: ..................
[01:01] lunafenice: then write a story about Arthur as a cow
[01:03] lunafenice: a fluffy bunny then?
[01:03] lunafenice: penguins?
Five Magical Animal Incidents
I.
Merlin frowned and Arthur didn't know what to do with his hands. It was so obviously magic, no one would be able to keep quiet about it. His father would surely have the mare put down. Jasmine had been a favorite of Arthur's for years.
"You know, your father is going to have her put down."
Arthur glared at Merlin. "It's occurred to me, yes."
"Well," Merlin said, from his spot at the mare's side. His hands stroked the protrusions, calming her breaths and working that look of pure terror out of her eyes. "He can't find out. We have to get her out of the castle."
Arthur had to agree, but still. "How are we going to manage that? It's not like she can fly out of here."
They shared a look.
"You don't think..."
"No."
"I thought not."
"I mean."
"Merlin?"
"Hm?"
"Do you think she can fly?"
+
Arthur did his best not to look guilty. It was hard to hide the grin though.
"And I really think," his father said, "that we've made progress with the banishment of magic these past few weeks. The stories people tell get ever more impossible and outlandish. No more simple tricks and kitchen magic, that has all but died out, no. Now the people imagine that magic is a flying horse, soaring over the battlements of Camelot."
It took all Arthur's resolve not to burst out laughing.
II.
Merlin didn't think it was his fault. Really. He had done some accidental magic when he was younger, but that was all behind him. He had mastered life and death itself, he was not - absolutely not - doing magic like a particularly violent sneeze.
The cow - ox? - in front of him would beg to differ. The cow that had only seconds ago talked to him about his duties and why his sword needed polishing. The cow he could not, with all due respect, call Prince Arthur.
It blinked at him in a very menacing way.
"I, uhm," Merlin said.
To his credit, Arthur made a very pretty cow. The sharp horns were also very pretty, and even the teeth grinding against each other, projecting an air of severe dissatisfaction, very shiny and even and absolutely going to kill Merlin.
"Nice cow," Merlin said, inching toward the door, "you just stay here while I go and find out how to turn you back into Arthur, alright?"
The cow huffed. It looked like it was contemplating how much of a departure from its regular vegetarian food plan it would be to tear Merlin up and eat him. It chewed on air rather threateningly.
Merlin stumbled from the room in time to feel a hard thump against the door. Oh, Arthur would have a concussion, no doubt about it. Slowly, against Merlin's will for sure, a grin started to spread on his lips. Okay, so maybe Arthur deserved this for calling Merlin as dumb as an ox.
III.
The cold had taken its toll on all of them. Merlin took to wearing his extra scratchy woolen scarf for the little bit of additional warmth, and Morgana was never seen without a layer of ankle length fur. Even Arthur, who refused to admit how insanely cold it was, took to wearing his mail padding beneath his regular tunic.
Merlin had his theories that the cold might have been caused by some kind of magic and was explaining it at length to Hildgard, the under cook, when a guard came running up to him.
"Merlin," the guard said, "Prince Arthur requires your presence immediately."
Merlin rolled his eyes, but followed anyway. The guard led him down to the reservoir, and Merlin had a terrible suspicion what he might find. It turned out, though, that his imagination had nothing on reality.
"Arthur," he said, "what's wrong? Is the water supply frozen?"
Arthur looked from the reservoir where they'd once fought an avanc to Merlin and back again. There was something deeply disturbing in his eyes.
"Merlin."
Merlin stepped closer and tried to see around Arthur, but the prince was effectively blocking his view of the water's surface.
"Seriously, whatever it is, I don't think I'm qualified to help. I'm not an engineer or... oh."
The creatures were small, sturdy things. They didn't look dangerous. Their coats were black and white and grey, and they had little stubby beaks. And one of them was dancing.
"Merlin," Arthur said, "what are they? And what are they doing here?"
Merlin just shook his head. "I have no idea." The dancing one came hopping toward Merlin and flapped its ridiculous knobby wings.
"I think it's trying to talk to you."
Merlin reached out and the little creature flailed quite dramatically. Through the use of gestures and Arthur's unhelpful commentary, Merlin figured out where the creatures had meant to go and with some magic Arthur pretended not to see, Merlin sent them on their merry way.
The cold let up that very day, and both Merlin and Arthur figured it was just another day in Camelot.
IV.
"I hate you," Arthur snuffled.
Merlin chewed on a blade of grass. "You only say that because my fur is prettier than yours."
Arthur tugged at Merlin's quite ridiculous ears. "At least I don't look like a basset."
Merlin hopped a little way away, but not too far from where their clothes were sitting in two neat piles. The sorcerer who'd done this was long gone, satisfied that they wouldn't pursue him in this form. And really, it was for the best, Merlin would hate to see another of his kind executed so soon after the last.
"Can't you wiggle your nose and turn us back?" Arthur sounded petulant, even as a ruffled rabbit.
Merlin wiggled his nose. Nothing happened. "I don't think it works like that."
"I swear, Merlin, if I am stuck as a rabbit for the rest of my life, I will make sure every second of it is pain for you."
Merlin's ears drooped. He couldn't help it, how was he supposed to control his features when he was a rabbit? His ears had never been this flexible before.
Arthur rolled his eyes. "Don't even start."
"You're a prat. I can't believe it, you get turned into the most adorable creature on the planet and you're still a prat."
Arthur hopped toward Merlin and began nibbling at the back of his neck. Merlin couldn't decide if that was weird or the best thing ever. "What are you doing?"
"Do you really think I'm a prat?" Arthur sounded - almost vulnerable.
Merlin sighed and bumped Arthur's side with his head. "A right royal prat, but you're my prat, and I'll find a way to turn us back."
"Good," Arthur said, and did something that made Merlin's fur stand on end.
V.
There were things Arthur didn't really think about when it came to magic. He tried to keep its connection with Merlin out of his thoughts, he never examined the stories he'd heard in whispers about his birth, and he turned a blind eye to harmless acts of magic in the outlying villages.
But this.
This was kind of hard to ignore.
"They are cat people," Merlin said.
Merlin stood next to him and Arthur could feel the confusion in his manservant, trusted friend, and secret protector. "I can see that, Merlin."
"They are people, who look like cats."
Arthur gripped his sword tighter. "Yes, Merlin." The cat people were, in fact, surrounding them. And the day had started so innocently, with a shared breakfast, a deer's trail, and kissing. The kissing had been good, yes.
"Cat. People. Arthur."
Arthur twitched, and faced Merlin, instead of the quite scary looking, *armed* cat people. "I can actually see that, Merlin, and if you're done gaping like a fish, perhaps you could do something about them."
Merlin waved his hand ineffectually. He looked shell-shocked, like his world had broken open and re-arranged itself to spell out ... well, "cat people".
So Arthur stood on the brink of fighting a dozen man-sized, upright cats, when he figured it couldn't hurt to talk to them first. Their leader was quite amenable and took to Arthur like a ... okay, like a cat to fresh milk. Though Arthur would forever deny the licking.
Merlin would never let him forget the licking.
Although. They did learn some interesting techniques. Merlin's occasional night-time exclamation of "Cat! People!" in his sleep was a small price to pay for that.