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[sua_rinascita]

I have been thinking about livejournal for a while. Wanting to write, not wanting to write. Wanting people to know my thoughts but then not wanting them to. I simultaneously wish all of my friends in the world, my true friends the ones that know me, would read this, but then part of me would feel embarrassed if they did

Comments

[scubagrrl]

I'm sorry your dad died. I lost mine in 1995. It's funny; people who are there for you immediately afterwards, seem to disappear after a while. People seem to think you should "get over it" pretty quickly and are disappointed when you go through the same things over and over. It took me probably 6 months to get over the initial stages of grief; it took my friend 2 years to start making progress after the death of her mother. I think it's somewhere between "they don't understand" and their own discomfort with death that leads to people withdrawing when we need them most. Try to be kind to them; I'm sure they don't mean to pull away. They may not be aware that they are pulling away from you. Some people pull away because they don't know what to say.

I've had that same conversation with myself regarding intellectualism/emotionalism. I haven't had much success increasing my emotionality; maybe it just scares me too much to go there. Maybe you needed to hit both extremes in order to know where the middle might be; I know I've done that in other areas. I don't necessarily think that showing your emotions is a bad thing. I mean, you're feeling them, so why not show them?

I second the recommendation of meditation! Maybe crying *will* help you. Maybe you just need to keep letting it out, even when it seems like it isn't doing much, until you hit the tipping point and all of a sudden it starts helping. I hope you find your balance. I know you can handle this.

Hang in there. Talk if it helps.

[sua_rinascita]

thanks