Ramblings On A Cold Evening
Well, it seems like winter still isn't done with the Northeast, even though the vernal equinox was last week. Yesterday and today we had flurries and temps that were lucky to reach 35°F. In fact, it must have been icy this morning, because I was awakened around daybreak by a fire truck screaming down the highway and found out later that there were several accidents in the area. I know (I hope?) spring has to be on its way, because I've seen robins, but you sure wouldn't know it by the cold. I've actually been turning in rather early at night so I can snuggle up under my electric blanket to watch tv. It's kind of depressing because I'm really itching to plant a container garden this year, since I will now have the time in the evenings to actually, you know, do stuff, but I'm afraid it will never get warm enough.
Speaking of having spare time on my hands, financially things are going rather "not well" at work. I'm slightly concerned that by mid-summer I will be out of a job. It's a very complicated situation involving multiple "non-governmental" governing bodies, personality issues, money, and Lord only knows what else. I can't really say much else about it right now, other than to say that I'm surprised that with that black cloud hovering over my head added to the stress of just trying to keep everything running (it's really not a one-person job), I am surprised I'm not locked up in a mental hospital right now.
Actually, about two or three weeks ago, I did just about have a breakdown. I knew I was depressed - I couldn't eat much (I actually lost weight!), had to load up on valerian and kava to sleep, and couldn't get up the gumption to do anything but stare at the tv or aimlessly surf the 'net. Then something happened at work one day (right now I can't even recall what happened that set me off), but I came home and just could not stop crying. In fact, it was all I could do to hold it in while I drove home. I was completely beside myself, praying to God to help me, to do something - anything - to make it stop. Hours later, I eventually sobbed myself to sleep. Just as I was starting to drift away - you know that calm moment after you're all cried out and just drained? - well, I was laying on my left side with my arms curled around one of those big long pillows, and I heard a feminine whisper in my right ear say, "It'll be alright," kind of like a mother would to a crying child. I have no idea if I actually heard it with my ear or just in my mind. I have no idea WHO it was, either, but it gave me comfort for some reason. Didn't really stop the heartache, but it made it more bearable. I was telling a lady at work about last week it who immediately said that it was an angel, but I'm not sure. My first instinct was that it had to have been someone I had known who had passed on, but the only female I could think of is my grandmother, and it wasn't her voice (she had a very typical "Pennsylvania Dutch" accent).
Anyway, I'm feeling better now. Still trying to figure out who's watching over me, though.
Speaking of having spare time on my hands, financially things are going rather "not well" at work. I'm slightly concerned that by mid-summer I will be out of a job. It's a very complicated situation involving multiple "non-governmental" governing bodies, personality issues, money, and Lord only knows what else. I can't really say much else about it right now, other than to say that I'm surprised that with that black cloud hovering over my head added to the stress of just trying to keep everything running (it's really not a one-person job), I am surprised I'm not locked up in a mental hospital right now.
Actually, about two or three weeks ago, I did just about have a breakdown. I knew I was depressed - I couldn't eat much (I actually lost weight!), had to load up on valerian and kava to sleep, and couldn't get up the gumption to do anything but stare at the tv or aimlessly surf the 'net. Then something happened at work one day (right now I can't even recall what happened that set me off), but I came home and just could not stop crying. In fact, it was all I could do to hold it in while I drove home. I was completely beside myself, praying to God to help me, to do something - anything - to make it stop. Hours later, I eventually sobbed myself to sleep. Just as I was starting to drift away - you know that calm moment after you're all cried out and just drained? - well, I was laying on my left side with my arms curled around one of those big long pillows, and I heard a feminine whisper in my right ear say, "It'll be alright," kind of like a mother would to a crying child. I have no idea if I actually heard it with my ear or just in my mind. I have no idea WHO it was, either, but it gave me comfort for some reason. Didn't really stop the heartache, but it made it more bearable. I was telling a lady at work about last week it who immediately said that it was an angel, but I'm not sure. My first instinct was that it had to have been someone I had known who had passed on, but the only female I could think of is my grandmother, and it wasn't her voice (she had a very typical "Pennsylvania Dutch" accent).
Anyway, I'm feeling better now. Still trying to figure out who's watching over me, though.