(no subject)
To Erynn
"Why, God, Why?"
I love you but I can’t let you know. We can’t be more than just friends, not now, not ever. Did I ever tell you that when we first met, I looked into your eyes and immediately fell in love? We became friends, or so I thought. You betrayed my trust and you betrayed me by your lies. You told me we were friends and that I could trust you. You even told me you would go to that stupid graduation dance with me, but it was all just more lies. I’d asked around and I’d always get the same answer, he's just playing on your emotions. I refused to believe it. Then it happened. It hit my like and iron bullet right into my heart. I saw you. I saw you with her. That stupid blonde bimbo who couldn’t string two thoughts together if she even really tried. It ripped my heart out. I swore to myself I could never trust you again. We went our separate ways for however brief a time. Then it happened. First day of school. I turned around to hear the familiar slamming of a door. I turned around and my heart sank. Not again. Please God not again. You came strolling into class, all high and mighty, exactly how I remembered you. I simply stood there with a friend in awe at the surprised a smiling look on your face. You said, “Holy crap. It’s you. I haven’t seen you in forever. How are you?” I simply stood there as you reached out to give me a hug. I couldn’t back away, even though I tried. I simply couldn’t. All could think of was why is this happening all over again? Why was I being punished? We sat down and you tried to carry on a conversation. I couldn’t listen. I was trying so hard not to cry out “God Why!” I got up and went to the bathroom where I sat and cried for it seemed like hours, though it was only a few minutes. Class was over and I kept thinking, it’s the only time I’ll have to see him. Then you tried out for the school play and got a part. Lucky you. You pulled me aside one day and asked me what was wrong. There were a million things I wanted to scream at you but I couldn’t. I blamed it on a bad day and went about my business. I’ve kept it bottled up so long, what’s two more years until I graduate? But, no matter how hard I try to keep it inside, I just can’t anymore. I want to tell you I love, just to see the look of disgust that is already on your face when you see me walk toward you. I know it’s there. I see it everyday. I guess pain in knowing you love someone and they don’t love you back is penance for another life. I want to tell you I love you, but I just cant. Too many times have I fallen for your big brown eyes and wished I was someone else, just to get a nice look from you. Too many times do I sit in shadow while you have your pick of girls who throw themselves at you. To long have I loved you with the acceptance that you will never love me back. Too long. But not any more.
"Why, God, Why?"
I love you but I can’t let you know. We can’t be more than just friends, not now, not ever. Did I ever tell you that when we first met, I looked into your eyes and immediately fell in love? We became friends, or so I thought. You betrayed my trust and you betrayed me by your lies. You told me we were friends and that I could trust you. You even told me you would go to that stupid graduation dance with me, but it was all just more lies. I’d asked around and I’d always get the same answer, he's just playing on your emotions. I refused to believe it. Then it happened. It hit my like and iron bullet right into my heart. I saw you. I saw you with her. That stupid blonde bimbo who couldn’t string two thoughts together if she even really tried. It ripped my heart out. I swore to myself I could never trust you again. We went our separate ways for however brief a time. Then it happened. First day of school. I turned around to hear the familiar slamming of a door. I turned around and my heart sank. Not again. Please God not again. You came strolling into class, all high and mighty, exactly how I remembered you. I simply stood there with a friend in awe at the surprised a smiling look on your face. You said, “Holy crap. It’s you. I haven’t seen you in forever. How are you?” I simply stood there as you reached out to give me a hug. I couldn’t back away, even though I tried. I simply couldn’t. All could think of was why is this happening all over again? Why was I being punished? We sat down and you tried to carry on a conversation. I couldn’t listen. I was trying so hard not to cry out “God Why!” I got up and went to the bathroom where I sat and cried for it seemed like hours, though it was only a few minutes. Class was over and I kept thinking, it’s the only time I’ll have to see him. Then you tried out for the school play and got a part. Lucky you. You pulled me aside one day and asked me what was wrong. There were a million things I wanted to scream at you but I couldn’t. I blamed it on a bad day and went about my business. I’ve kept it bottled up so long, what’s two more years until I graduate? But, no matter how hard I try to keep it inside, I just can’t anymore. I want to tell you I love, just to see the look of disgust that is already on your face when you see me walk toward you. I know it’s there. I see it everyday. I guess pain in knowing you love someone and they don’t love you back is penance for another life. I want to tell you I love you, but I just cant. Too many times have I fallen for your big brown eyes and wished I was someone else, just to get a nice look from you. Too many times do I sit in shadow while you have your pick of girls who throw themselves at you. To long have I loved you with the acceptance that you will never love me back. Too long. But not any more.