so i've decided...

[stylish_deviant]

i'm just not that into feelings...
i think this might be one of the things that
getting divorced changed about me...
when my ex-husband turned onto a woman and
started crying and telling me in bloody detail
all about every single feeling he had,
i think that's when i started to turn...
then, when i trusted someone,
and they turned around and
slapped me square in the face with
exactly how untrustworthy human beings can be...
that definitely put the first nail in the coffin...
feelings are stupid,
i much rather keep them all shoved down
and ignore them, it's way less messy...
just let them build up until they boil over and
worry about it all at once
rather then having to deal with it on a day to day basis...
i hate, i seethe, i fear, i lament...
i do all these things but i keep it the fuck to myself...
i certainly don't put it in ink because
who the hell would wanna read about it anyway?
life is not good...
let's be honest...
there are moments of delightfulness and
moments of reprieve, but for the most part
it's repetitive and useless and we're all just waiting to die
to find out what's waiting for us on the other side...
jokes on us though,
it's probably no better then it already is...
we're an unhappy species because we're never satisfied by what we have...
we always want more, we're insatiable...
even though a lot of us have nothing to fucking complain about...
don't mistake this for complaining...
my eyes are wide open
it is what it is and it'll never change...
writing about it doesn't help,
therapy doesn't help,
medicine doesn't help...
time to suck t up and learn to live with it...

i'm in a very, very bad mood...