(no subject)
yo i'm going to italy for halloween.. i like london, i'm alone all the time, all the time, in the library a lot looking at books alone. but my brain needed space from the whack self-depricating male relationship that's dragged on and feeling like i needed it. it's easier being alone because i can do whatever i want whenever i want however i want wherever i want and i don't even consider anyone else, it's weird. hop on a train to a gallery and i feel better, like sitting in front of a van eyck just crying like wet cheek wipeaway and i don't know why. maybe it's cause that dutch shit really gets me and makes me miss those three days in amsterdam or maybe cause i really do love that arnolfini motherfucker and how glossy can paint get? trying to break my heart. then the matthew barney exhibit in the same day, what a visual conversation in my head. and all the galleries are free which is the best part. i feel really good eating nutella sandwiches on the grass outside. and my fats waller tape, always my fats waller tape. shows too, andrew bird and air and mos def (hopefully) and scout niblett and other shit. i'm lonesome. but i'm really excited for italy, i hope it'll be like a fellini movie in color... with more pizza.
also i write my dreams down every morning now and it's getting so NUTS. crazier and crazier every day, and pages and pages full cause i've been dreaming the whole night every night ever since i got here. i think writing them down helped me understand how to remember them, and i'm half-awake in a dream state and i keep dreaming i'm at 16 lavington where i grew up but with big gold canvases and baby pianos and harps and joints and records on fire melting all over the floor and it's just getting crazier in my subconscious and i think i need to make out? with girls? i love dreams and i love imagining them when i'm awake and feeling like they really happened. i love the walk home from the train station cause i feel like i might get mugged but i just pump my legs and feel my blood and know i'm safe and it always ends up fine. i always forget the negative parts (i miss my kitten, i'm almost out of money, and i haven't found any weed since amsterdam) but they don't really seem to matter.
also i write my dreams down every morning now and it's getting so NUTS. crazier and crazier every day, and pages and pages full cause i've been dreaming the whole night every night ever since i got here. i think writing them down helped me understand how to remember them, and i'm half-awake in a dream state and i keep dreaming i'm at 16 lavington where i grew up but with big gold canvases and baby pianos and harps and joints and records on fire melting all over the floor and it's just getting crazier in my subconscious and i think i need to make out? with girls? i love dreams and i love imagining them when i'm awake and feeling like they really happened. i love the walk home from the train station cause i feel like i might get mugged but i just pump my legs and feel my blood and know i'm safe and it always ends up fine. i always forget the negative parts (i miss my kitten, i'm almost out of money, and i haven't found any weed since amsterdam) but they don't really seem to matter.