My Sin
I feel like such a hopeless wreck right now.
I'm petrefied of what I deserve.
Dissapointment in myself runs almost as deep as the fear of others who love me being just as dissapointed in me. All my theories seem so meaningless now, and all I want is God. I just feel so alone, so dis-illusioned, and so unnacceptable. I'm so fearful of what I deserve. My life seems to be changing before my eyes, and I hate the direction it is taking. I should know better than to let my guard down, to stop struggling and let the River of the flesh and the world take me downstream.
I should know better than to sell the diamond jewelry and riches of a relationship with God for pieces of trash. My self worship... it takes me no where. All I have is a sick feeling in my stomach, and the fear of reality.
Please... all I want is Jesus' salvation, His forgiveness, renewal. I wish I could change instantly. I just want Him to walk alongside me, and to take my hand and love me, and change me, and help me. I don't want this torture I put myself through, or this sin. I want it to go away, and I don't want to look back. I don't want consequences, or rememberance. But who am I to ask for that? Lord, please show me mercy! Please give me love once more!
Please tell me those signs and feelings and songs weren't forshadowing the story of my life.
Please let me be your daughter again; let me lie down peacefully knowing You are always there, and have your hand my back as I drift off to sleep.
Lord if ever I have wanted to take my life, I want to take it now.
You alone know how true that is... You alone can save me from myself as you have for 10 long years.
I am so sorry... I continue to mess up.
Please change me. Please.
More wrongs will never fix this: I live for you, Christ for in reality, I am Yours. I keep straying, but You always bring me back.
Let me die soon, please... that would be the greatest gain.
I don't do what I wish I would, and I do what I wish I wouldn't.
I'm petrefied of what I deserve.
Dissapointment in myself runs almost as deep as the fear of others who love me being just as dissapointed in me. All my theories seem so meaningless now, and all I want is God. I just feel so alone, so dis-illusioned, and so unnacceptable. I'm so fearful of what I deserve. My life seems to be changing before my eyes, and I hate the direction it is taking. I should know better than to let my guard down, to stop struggling and let the River of the flesh and the world take me downstream.
I should know better than to sell the diamond jewelry and riches of a relationship with God for pieces of trash. My self worship... it takes me no where. All I have is a sick feeling in my stomach, and the fear of reality.
Please... all I want is Jesus' salvation, His forgiveness, renewal. I wish I could change instantly. I just want Him to walk alongside me, and to take my hand and love me, and change me, and help me. I don't want this torture I put myself through, or this sin. I want it to go away, and I don't want to look back. I don't want consequences, or rememberance. But who am I to ask for that? Lord, please show me mercy! Please give me love once more!
Please tell me those signs and feelings and songs weren't forshadowing the story of my life.
Please let me be your daughter again; let me lie down peacefully knowing You are always there, and have your hand my back as I drift off to sleep.
Lord if ever I have wanted to take my life, I want to take it now.
You alone know how true that is... You alone can save me from myself as you have for 10 long years.
I am so sorry... I continue to mess up.
Please change me. Please.
More wrongs will never fix this: I live for you, Christ for in reality, I am Yours. I keep straying, but You always bring me back.
Let me die soon, please... that would be the greatest gain.
I don't do what I wish I would, and I do what I wish I wouldn't.