A Law...
The Law of diminishing returns once again leaves me heavily thinking.
I always seem to want just one thing more... I guess we all do. I think people could have everything there is to have and still want more. I guess it's when you keep chasing everything that you keep feeling so unsatisfied. When you chase after being the best, especially.
It's pointless. I get myself so bent out of shape when I look around and compare myself to everyone else. There will always be prettier, better people. I compare myself to famous girls, friends, everyone. I get spoiled I think from guys telling me I'm the most beautiful, cuz then I look around, and it's like, "No I'm not, what about her?" And it upsets me cuz I liked the idea of being the most beautiful. On a not so superficial level I compare myself to my parents, my grandmother, my sister... how could I ever be as amazing?
Then there is that whole thing about me where I'm never satisfied with other people. Not just myself, but it seems like I'm always chasing after new friends, new people.
It's like I push so hard for more and more until I'm left with nothing.
I want to feel free. Free in the way you feel free when you're relying totally on God to sustain you. Free the way you feel when you trust completely that He has everything in control. Free the way I feel when I'm not bound by the rules and expectations of the world, but free to chase after Him.
The Law of diminishing returns still applies here, I'm sure. Maybe if I read my bible everyday, I would need more soon. Then I would read my bible more everyday, and pray more. Eventually, that wouldn't be enough I would need more of Him, and I would be listening to every sermon on CD available. Then that wouldn't be enough, and I would have to talk and think about Him all the time. Then that wouldn't be enough and I would have to live for Him. Then that wouldn't be enough and I would go out and share Him with others...
I hope for these changes to happen.
I hope my selfishness and vein pride falls away. I will never be the best, but in Christ I'm worth something. Something so much more meaningful than being the best student, or the prettiest or most popular girl, or the best artist. All these things will never happen, and it's pointless to get upset about not being the best. It's pointless to keep asking for more and more, when I have enough.
Why can't I just be content to live?
I always seem to want just one thing more... I guess we all do. I think people could have everything there is to have and still want more. I guess it's when you keep chasing everything that you keep feeling so unsatisfied. When you chase after being the best, especially.
It's pointless. I get myself so bent out of shape when I look around and compare myself to everyone else. There will always be prettier, better people. I compare myself to famous girls, friends, everyone. I get spoiled I think from guys telling me I'm the most beautiful, cuz then I look around, and it's like, "No I'm not, what about her?" And it upsets me cuz I liked the idea of being the most beautiful. On a not so superficial level I compare myself to my parents, my grandmother, my sister... how could I ever be as amazing?
Then there is that whole thing about me where I'm never satisfied with other people. Not just myself, but it seems like I'm always chasing after new friends, new people.
It's like I push so hard for more and more until I'm left with nothing.
I want to feel free. Free in the way you feel free when you're relying totally on God to sustain you. Free the way you feel when you trust completely that He has everything in control. Free the way I feel when I'm not bound by the rules and expectations of the world, but free to chase after Him.
The Law of diminishing returns still applies here, I'm sure. Maybe if I read my bible everyday, I would need more soon. Then I would read my bible more everyday, and pray more. Eventually, that wouldn't be enough I would need more of Him, and I would be listening to every sermon on CD available. Then that wouldn't be enough, and I would have to talk and think about Him all the time. Then that wouldn't be enough and I would have to live for Him. Then that wouldn't be enough and I would go out and share Him with others...
I hope for these changes to happen.
I hope my selfishness and vein pride falls away. I will never be the best, but in Christ I'm worth something. Something so much more meaningful than being the best student, or the prettiest or most popular girl, or the best artist. All these things will never happen, and it's pointless to get upset about not being the best. It's pointless to keep asking for more and more, when I have enough.
Why can't I just be content to live?