[Fic]...If Only You Could See...
Title:...If Only You Could See...
Pairings: homin, jaeho, micky, junsu
Author: stylafreak
Genre: Drama, Romance, Angst, Humour?(I can't really write humour though but i'll try)
Summary: Why is it so hard to love someone? A simple plan turns into something more. Two souls fall deeply in love with each other, yet is it possible for them to express what they feel? Will they ever be together?
Author's note: This is well, my first fanfic ever. And i hope the readers will support it and of course COmment! As you can see, comments motivates me to write better as i LOVE writing about the dong bang boys. lolx.
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...If Only You Could See...
Chapter 4-Flashbacks IV
A tear slid down my face as i saw the figure sleeping peacefully on his bed. Micky. Speaking of Micky, I wonder where is Ricky? Well, probably he left when i was asleep. And darn that idiotic Changmin. Why must he wake me up when I nearly get to score that winning goal. I look at Micky again. I walk over to him and touch his face as soft as possible, afraid that i would hurt him. Then, i caress his hand, his body. I can't stop the tears from flowing down as i see the bandages covering most of his physique. His slow breathing made him look as if it's hard to breathe, as if it would take every ounce of strength just to inhale, to continue living.
Micky~ Why didn't you tell us? Why didn't you tell me? Why do you let yourself suffer alone? And you are so stupid to think that you can solve it on your own. Look what happen to you now. Look what they did to you. Your beautiful form is marked with bruises, your face is barely recognisable. You tend to shun yourself from us. What happen to the old Micky?
The one who used to make everyone laugh with his blur-ness.
The one who we can count on for loyalty and trust.
The one who wrote beautiful songs for our undying fans.
The one who filled this apartment with songs in the air.
The one who teaches Jae to open his heart.
The one who told Yunho that we would stick together and never be apart.
The one who fights with Changmin over Jae's egg tart.
And finally, the one who gave me hope when my world falls apart.
I then take out my cell phone and called the manager. "Yobeoseyo! Hyung, i'm afraid that Micky can't come for practice tomorrow. He slipped and sprained his leg in the bathroom just now. And the doctor advised him to stay home so he could get some rest and so that his leg would heal faster." I paused to listen to the manager's answer. "Yeah, sure. I will take good care of him. Don't worry hyung. Please inform the choreographer. Kamsahamnida."
I then cover Micky's body with his blanket. Afraid that his fragile body can't stand even a light breeze. I take once last look at him before turning my attention towards my laptop. I was downloading a korean series called ' Save Your Last Dance For Me' and i've been dying to watch that show for two weeks. Hopefully it will take my mind off from all these problems for a while.
As I was engrossed into the show, the bedroom door swing open loudly. I turn to my left instantly. " What the--- JAE! Do you know I could have a heart attack? And I was starting to enjoy my show which i waited two weeks to watch. Must you barge in like that? AND without knocking? I might be watching drama today. What if..Okay I'm just saying.. What IF I was doing something else? Something private??" I said the words without noticing Jae's reaction ever since he came into my room. Then, he drop down, crying his heart out. I quickly ran over to him.
"Hey Jae, i'm sorry. I-i--i didn't mean to say those harsh things to you. You know i was in a daze. And so many things happened today. I apologise for my behaviour. You know i didn't mean everything i said right?"
"Soo~" That's all he could say. Jae continue sobbing. He pulled me closer. Then I realise, he is just wrapped in a towel . "Gosh Jae. Why aren't you wearing anything? You might catch a cold. Wait a sec." I open my wardrobe and pull out one of my favourite pajamas with hamtaro imprinted all over it and hand it to him. After helping him with the pajamas, i hug him tightly on my bed. Rocking him back and forth while humming his favourite song, Mideoyo(I Believe).
Finally, he look up. I can still see the trail of tears on his cheeks. "What is it Jae?" i asked.
"Aren't you gonna ask me what happen? Or why i cry?" he answered. I shook my head, smiling.
"Sometimes, you just don't understand me, do you?" i replied. He just shrug.
"I really don't understand, Soo." he said.
"Well, i shouldn't be pouring you with questions since you are upset, right? It would only hurt you more. I know you would tell me when you feel like it. When you are finally ready. Just remember one thing, I will always be right there for you." I then tighten my embrace.
"Why Soo? Why? I was about to confess to him. But, he has to break my heart by being with someone else. I can never have him anymore. Never~ He's with Changmin. I saw them kissing on his bed." Jae finally said it out.
I am surprised. So surprised to hear that news from Jae. No wonder he cried so badly . I rested my head on Jae's shoulder. He gave me a weak smile and continue.
"I thought i was strong enough to hold back my tears. I was wrong. I feel like my heart being ripped out seeing both of their lips together. It hurts, Soo. So bad. It hurts so bad. Yet, i can't show it. The moment i saw them, I feel my world came crashing down. My life is meaningless without him Soo~ Without him i can't survive. I can't go on with my life. I can't breathe. I can't do anything right. I can't do anything~ I can't. I just can't....." Jae continue with his crying. soaking my shirt. I did not care. I then face him and wipe off his tears. Then, i place both of my hands on his face and said,
"Stop crying silly. you need some sleep. Look at your eyes. We don't want anybody to see this panda, don't you? Here. You can sleep on my bed tonight. Okay? Let me tuck you in." I pulled the blankets over him. Finally, i kiss his forehead.
"Goodnight. Sweet dreams. Everything will be alright tomorrow. You'll see. Now, get some rest." I give a peck on his cheek. He nods. In a few minutes, he's sound asleep. I was furious. I clenched my fist and punch the wall. Jung Yunho. How dare you hurt Jae like this.
***********************************************************************************
I laid on my bed. Thinking bout what had happen just now. Why is Jae reacting like that? I asked myself that question, probably the 800th time. I take a glimpse at the bed on my right. Empty. Why hasn't he return? He might catch a cold considering he's just having a towel around his waist. Knowing very well that i can't sleep, i walk out to the balcony. Red balloons? Why are there so many red balloons? Yeah, Jae loves red. I wonder who gave him this. Xiah Junsu. Yeah. That's the only guy who would do such a thing. It must be him. I could see fire in my eyes. Everytime i think about Junsu, anger just builds up inside of me.
****************************************************************************
"Wh-WHAT? Ja--Jae? You have a crush on Jae?" I said, still shocked. My brain is still half way interpreting the data. Changmin nod his head slowly.
"Yes hyung. I love him." He replied. "But, i can't seem to get near to him. He's always with Junsu-hyung. I can't think of any ways to attract him. To get his attention. To make him notice me." he continued.
"So, what do you plan to do now?" i asked. He clears his throat. I can sense it's not a good idea and i definitely won't like it.
"Hyung, i need you to be my boyfriend. It's just an act." he finally said.
"WHAT???? You?? Be your boyfriend? You've got to be kidding me." i answered.
"It might be fun you know. Hyung, promise me. please~~pretty pretty please~!!!!" he beg. Finally, i gave in. He jump with joy.
"You are the best hyung." he said.
"I know..."
*******************************************************************************
That's how it all started. I wipe my lips remembering the incident just now. He's not a bad kisser after all. i thought to myself. Then, i sigh. How i wish Jae is here right now. I have to think of another plan for Changmin. Plan B. Plan A work out just as we expected it would. It caught Jae's attention.I then walk back to my comfy bed and drop onto it. Before i realise, i fell asleep.
I open my eyes as the sun rays hit my face. Shit. Why didn't i close the balcony door last night. I curse under my breath. Since i couldn't sleep, i decided to take a shower. I put on my cargo pants and a white shirt, gel up my hair, make sure everything is fine before walking out from the bathroom. As soon as i step out from the room, i saw Jae. Walking out from Junsu/Micky's room. He's still a bit drowsy. My guess, he just woke up. He yawns. What is he wearing? Is that what people say it is..Hamtaro? i laugh to myself. He looks really cute in it. I can't deny that fact. Then, i saw his face. His eyes. It's red and puffy. Has he been crying all night? And why is he coming out from that room? Junsu's room.
I see him walking towards my direction. Guess he didn't notice me. He continue walking till.......
"Ouch." He said, rubbing his ass as he fall flat. Buttocks first.
"Erm, no offense Jae. Not to say you're blind but didn't you notice that i was standing here? Here, let me help you up." i said while offering my hand. He quickly stands up and muttered 'no, thank you' under his breath before making his way to the main bathroom. I purposely stand in his way to stop him from getting through.
"In case you didn't notice, i'm trying to get to the bathroom." he said, looking down, avoiding my gaze all the time. I pulled his chin up. He quickly push my hand away. But, i manage to hold onto his arm. He tries pulling it off from my grasp. Obviously, he's not as strong as i am. Soon, he gave in. I lift his head up again. Then, i look into his eyes. Sadness. Sorrow. Pain. Those feelings reflected in his eyes so clearly.
"Why Jae? Why are your eyes red and puffy?" i ask.
" Nothing. I'm just tired. Didn't sleep well last night." he answered. I could see he's just giving excuses to hide his real emotions. I let go of his hand. He then walk towards our room and close the door.
********************************************************************
I gasp for air as soon as i close the door. Why does my heart beats faster when he hold my hand? Why am i happy when i know he's concern about me? Snap out of it Kim Jae Joong! Get a grip of yourself!
Then, reality hits me. He's just concern about you as a friend. He's with Changmin now. Tears flow down from my eyes again. I try wiping them off but the more i wipe it, the more tears are flowing down.
I wanted to say 'I Love You' so much.
I wanted to hug you so badly.
But, that's all a dream.
A fantasy.
A wish upon a star that will never come true.
________________________________________________________________________________
A/N: Happy reading people!! I apologise once again! Please support by commenting~ =)
Pairings: homin, jaeho, micky, junsu
Author: stylafreak
Genre: Drama, Romance, Angst, Humour?(I can't really write humour though but i'll try)
Summary: Why is it so hard to love someone? A simple plan turns into something more. Two souls fall deeply in love with each other, yet is it possible for them to express what they feel? Will they ever be together?
Author's note: This is well, my first fanfic ever. And i hope the readers will support it and of course COmment! As you can see, comments motivates me to write better as i LOVE writing about the dong bang boys. lolx.
___________________________________________________________________________________
...If Only You Could See...
Chapter 4-Flashbacks IV
A tear slid down my face as i saw the figure sleeping peacefully on his bed. Micky. Speaking of Micky, I wonder where is Ricky? Well, probably he left when i was asleep. And darn that idiotic Changmin. Why must he wake me up when I nearly get to score that winning goal. I look at Micky again. I walk over to him and touch his face as soft as possible, afraid that i would hurt him. Then, i caress his hand, his body. I can't stop the tears from flowing down as i see the bandages covering most of his physique. His slow breathing made him look as if it's hard to breathe, as if it would take every ounce of strength just to inhale, to continue living.
Micky~ Why didn't you tell us? Why didn't you tell me? Why do you let yourself suffer alone? And you are so stupid to think that you can solve it on your own. Look what happen to you now. Look what they did to you. Your beautiful form is marked with bruises, your face is barely recognisable. You tend to shun yourself from us. What happen to the old Micky?
The one who used to make everyone laugh with his blur-ness.
The one who we can count on for loyalty and trust.
The one who wrote beautiful songs for our undying fans.
The one who filled this apartment with songs in the air.
The one who teaches Jae to open his heart.
The one who told Yunho that we would stick together and never be apart.
The one who fights with Changmin over Jae's egg tart.
And finally, the one who gave me hope when my world falls apart.
I then take out my cell phone and called the manager. "Yobeoseyo! Hyung, i'm afraid that Micky can't come for practice tomorrow. He slipped and sprained his leg in the bathroom just now. And the doctor advised him to stay home so he could get some rest and so that his leg would heal faster." I paused to listen to the manager's answer. "Yeah, sure. I will take good care of him. Don't worry hyung. Please inform the choreographer. Kamsahamnida."
I then cover Micky's body with his blanket. Afraid that his fragile body can't stand even a light breeze. I take once last look at him before turning my attention towards my laptop. I was downloading a korean series called ' Save Your Last Dance For Me' and i've been dying to watch that show for two weeks. Hopefully it will take my mind off from all these problems for a while.
As I was engrossed into the show, the bedroom door swing open loudly. I turn to my left instantly. " What the--- JAE! Do you know I could have a heart attack? And I was starting to enjoy my show which i waited two weeks to watch. Must you barge in like that? AND without knocking? I might be watching drama today. What if..Okay I'm just saying.. What IF I was doing something else? Something private??" I said the words without noticing Jae's reaction ever since he came into my room. Then, he drop down, crying his heart out. I quickly ran over to him.
"Hey Jae, i'm sorry. I-i--i didn't mean to say those harsh things to you. You know i was in a daze. And so many things happened today. I apologise for my behaviour. You know i didn't mean everything i said right?"
"Soo~" That's all he could say. Jae continue sobbing. He pulled me closer. Then I realise, he is just wrapped in a towel . "Gosh Jae. Why aren't you wearing anything? You might catch a cold. Wait a sec." I open my wardrobe and pull out one of my favourite pajamas with hamtaro imprinted all over it and hand it to him. After helping him with the pajamas, i hug him tightly on my bed. Rocking him back and forth while humming his favourite song, Mideoyo(I Believe).
Finally, he look up. I can still see the trail of tears on his cheeks. "What is it Jae?" i asked.
"Aren't you gonna ask me what happen? Or why i cry?" he answered. I shook my head, smiling.
"Sometimes, you just don't understand me, do you?" i replied. He just shrug.
"I really don't understand, Soo." he said.
"Well, i shouldn't be pouring you with questions since you are upset, right? It would only hurt you more. I know you would tell me when you feel like it. When you are finally ready. Just remember one thing, I will always be right there for you." I then tighten my embrace.
"Why Soo? Why? I was about to confess to him. But, he has to break my heart by being with someone else. I can never have him anymore. Never~ He's with Changmin. I saw them kissing on his bed." Jae finally said it out.
I am surprised. So surprised to hear that news from Jae. No wonder he cried so badly . I rested my head on Jae's shoulder. He gave me a weak smile and continue.
"I thought i was strong enough to hold back my tears. I was wrong. I feel like my heart being ripped out seeing both of their lips together. It hurts, Soo. So bad. It hurts so bad. Yet, i can't show it. The moment i saw them, I feel my world came crashing down. My life is meaningless without him Soo~ Without him i can't survive. I can't go on with my life. I can't breathe. I can't do anything right. I can't do anything~ I can't. I just can't....." Jae continue with his crying. soaking my shirt. I did not care. I then face him and wipe off his tears. Then, i place both of my hands on his face and said,
"Stop crying silly. you need some sleep. Look at your eyes. We don't want anybody to see this panda, don't you? Here. You can sleep on my bed tonight. Okay? Let me tuck you in." I pulled the blankets over him. Finally, i kiss his forehead.
"Goodnight. Sweet dreams. Everything will be alright tomorrow. You'll see. Now, get some rest." I give a peck on his cheek. He nods. In a few minutes, he's sound asleep. I was furious. I clenched my fist and punch the wall. Jung Yunho. How dare you hurt Jae like this.
***********************************************************************************
I laid on my bed. Thinking bout what had happen just now. Why is Jae reacting like that? I asked myself that question, probably the 800th time. I take a glimpse at the bed on my right. Empty. Why hasn't he return? He might catch a cold considering he's just having a towel around his waist. Knowing very well that i can't sleep, i walk out to the balcony. Red balloons? Why are there so many red balloons? Yeah, Jae loves red. I wonder who gave him this. Xiah Junsu. Yeah. That's the only guy who would do such a thing. It must be him. I could see fire in my eyes. Everytime i think about Junsu, anger just builds up inside of me.
****************************************************************************
"Wh-WHAT? Ja--Jae? You have a crush on Jae?" I said, still shocked. My brain is still half way interpreting the data. Changmin nod his head slowly.
"Yes hyung. I love him." He replied. "But, i can't seem to get near to him. He's always with Junsu-hyung. I can't think of any ways to attract him. To get his attention. To make him notice me." he continued.
"So, what do you plan to do now?" i asked. He clears his throat. I can sense it's not a good idea and i definitely won't like it.
"Hyung, i need you to be my boyfriend. It's just an act." he finally said.
"WHAT???? You?? Be your boyfriend? You've got to be kidding me." i answered.
"It might be fun you know. Hyung, promise me. please~~pretty pretty please~!!!!" he beg. Finally, i gave in. He jump with joy.
"You are the best hyung." he said.
"I know..."
*******************************************************************************
That's how it all started. I wipe my lips remembering the incident just now. He's not a bad kisser after all. i thought to myself. Then, i sigh. How i wish Jae is here right now. I have to think of another plan for Changmin. Plan B. Plan A work out just as we expected it would. It caught Jae's attention.I then walk back to my comfy bed and drop onto it. Before i realise, i fell asleep.
I open my eyes as the sun rays hit my face. Shit. Why didn't i close the balcony door last night. I curse under my breath. Since i couldn't sleep, i decided to take a shower. I put on my cargo pants and a white shirt, gel up my hair, make sure everything is fine before walking out from the bathroom. As soon as i step out from the room, i saw Jae. Walking out from Junsu/Micky's room. He's still a bit drowsy. My guess, he just woke up. He yawns. What is he wearing? Is that what people say it is..Hamtaro? i laugh to myself. He looks really cute in it. I can't deny that fact. Then, i saw his face. His eyes. It's red and puffy. Has he been crying all night? And why is he coming out from that room? Junsu's room.
I see him walking towards my direction. Guess he didn't notice me. He continue walking till.......
"Ouch." He said, rubbing his ass as he fall flat. Buttocks first.
"Erm, no offense Jae. Not to say you're blind but didn't you notice that i was standing here? Here, let me help you up." i said while offering my hand. He quickly stands up and muttered 'no, thank you' under his breath before making his way to the main bathroom. I purposely stand in his way to stop him from getting through.
"In case you didn't notice, i'm trying to get to the bathroom." he said, looking down, avoiding my gaze all the time. I pulled his chin up. He quickly push my hand away. But, i manage to hold onto his arm. He tries pulling it off from my grasp. Obviously, he's not as strong as i am. Soon, he gave in. I lift his head up again. Then, i look into his eyes. Sadness. Sorrow. Pain. Those feelings reflected in his eyes so clearly.
"Why Jae? Why are your eyes red and puffy?" i ask.
" Nothing. I'm just tired. Didn't sleep well last night." he answered. I could see he's just giving excuses to hide his real emotions. I let go of his hand. He then walk towards our room and close the door.
********************************************************************
I gasp for air as soon as i close the door. Why does my heart beats faster when he hold my hand? Why am i happy when i know he's concern about me? Snap out of it Kim Jae Joong! Get a grip of yourself!
Then, reality hits me. He's just concern about you as a friend. He's with Changmin now. Tears flow down from my eyes again. I try wiping them off but the more i wipe it, the more tears are flowing down.
I wanted to say 'I Love You' so much.
I wanted to hug you so badly.
But, that's all a dream.
A fantasy.
A wish upon a star that will never come true.
________________________________________________________________________________
A/N: Happy reading people!! I apologise once again! Please support by commenting~ =)