(no subject)
Today is a new day. The news about Nicole's death yesterday really punk me into a funk I had a heard time pulling myself out of I am still in disbelief that she is dead and I hope our partail hospitilization program can have one big community meeting about it now that we are over the initial shock of what happend. So with being less distracted with that. The two roomates I am living hete with in the appartments have pretty decent bodies. They are not super skinny but they look pretty good. I feel so fucking shitty about my body image rigjht now and jealous. They are both dressed cute and here I am wearing sweats/yoga pants and a hoodie everyday. I can't stand being this size and as soon as I get out of php and have time to exercise I will get back into shape pretty quick. I am supposed to be recovering but I am planning to restrict when the time comes. I don't think I can ever really live without my eating disorder. I am pretty damn depressed this week and hope that things start to get better when I move back home, out the appartments. Can't wait to lose weight. I will be sure to track it on here when I go home and have my camera.