Is It Still Me
A little back story: the beautiful and amazingly talented flyblckbirdfly said this on her Tumblr the other day:
"I want a fic where Kurt’s jerking off and he’s trying to think about Blaine but keeps thinking about Mr. Martinez and he fights it and fights it and then eventually gives in and afterward he feels so guilty that he calls Blaine and tells him and Blaine’s like ‘… we’re not allowed to think about other guys when we do that sometimes?’ and then they spend the next half hour talking about the guys they think are hot and then they have phone sex with each other because they’re in love and it doesn’t matter if they find other men attractive because they’re the only ones for each other."
So. I decided to write it because it appealed to me. Apparently it appealed to me to the tune of 3200 words. It's a little different than what she asked for but it's the spirit of the thing so...here you are.
Two head canon things: 1.) EVERYTHING is canon but I went my own way with how far they have gone sexually. 2.) Blaine's surgery was laser and thus the healing process is pretty quick - no eye patch in this scene, just a piece of gauze taped over his eye.
Title is from "Lying is the Most Fun a Girl Can Have (Without Taking Her Clothes Off) by Panic! at the Disco
___
Kurt stares at the mirror of his dressing table, glancing down to silently catalog all of the sprays, lotions, and creams that sit below it before pulling his gaze back to the mirror to stare at himself.
“I’m sexy and I know it,” he whispers to himself, watching his own ears tinge pink and his cheeks flush. He bites his lip and his mirror mimics him, his own worry reflected back while his mind mulls over today’s performance.
God, sex makes things so complicated, he thinks running his right hand over his cheek while he tries to push away thoughts of Mr. Martinez.
Mr. Martinez’s voice.
Mr. Martinez’s hips.
Mr. Martinez’s arms.
I never knew tattoos could be so... his brain supplies and Kurt slams his hands down on the table, bottles rattling, as he silently chastises himself and moves to his closet to retrieve some pajamas and a towel.
Blaine...I...I have Blaine and he’s perfect and he loves me and this is just so wrong. A shower will help, yes, okay a shower...I can do this...Kurt Elizabeth Hummel is not a cheater.
His brain supplies the words but his body is still supplying the visceral reaction to thoughts of Mr. Martinez: half -hard in his jeans, breaths panting out between his lips. He squeezes his thighs together, wiling his erection away. This isn’t happening and he just needs to calm down...just focus on his nightly routine and everything will be fine, great. Everything will be perfect.
Kurt pads his way down the hall, past Finn’s room, catching snatches of his conversation with Rachel and pushes through the “No, I love YOU more”s before shutting the door and breathing in a sigh of relief. He just needs to shower and go to bed. That’s it. He can make it.
He crosses the room and lays out his pajamas next to the sink, leaning over to put his towel on the closed lid of the toilet next to the shower before straightening up and reaching down to begin working at the long line of buttons on his tailored shirt.
“I love unbuttoning these,” Blaine’s voice supplies in his mind, “I mean, yeah, it takes forEVER but that just means that I have to wait That. Much. Longer. to see you and I love working for it...so hot, Kurt.”
Kurt shivers, his nipples taut underneath the thin material of his t-shirt as he shrugs out of the shirt and lays it down on the back of the toilet, saving it from ruin before it goes to the dry cleaners.
“The thing is, everyone is sexy, beautiful...you know? It’s all about being who you are...let that show in the way you move, the way you sing, guys.” Mr. Martinez’s words, dancing around Blaine’s and making him fully hard and aching.
“Dammit!” Kurt curses, willing his erection away and scrubbing his face with his palms before tugging off his shirt and roughly undoing and pushing off his pants, kicking them in the direction of the hamper. This is so confusing and frustrating and...shit, he’s so turned on right now and it’s just not fair that Blaine’s home and recovering from surgery even if it was three days ago and Blaine’s insisting he’s better than he was...
He spins around and tries to focus, pulling off his socks and picking up his pants and shirt, depositing them all in the hamper. He’s grumbling to himself as he reaches into the shower to turn on the water, turning up the heat until it’s just hot enough to distract but not enough to hurt and jumps in, pulling the liner and curtain closed behind him.
He tries singing to himself, first humming and then belting out “Come What May” while scrubbing his hair with his Paul Mitchell.
“Do you really need this Kurt?” his Dad had asked the first time Kurt had purchased this shampoo. “Dad. It’s lavender MINT.” he had replied.
Blaine always said it made him smell like fresh comfort and, recently...
“Kurt...”
They had been lying on Blaine’s bed, Kurt’s head on Blaine’s chest, catching his breath and tracing circles around Blaine’s belly button, their skin slick with sweat and sex.
“Blaine?”
“I’ve always loved this smell...your hair...” Blaine’s nose, nuzzled deep in Kurt’s hair, pulls in a breath as his chest contracts and Kurt’s smiling, smug and loving. “But...”
Kurt had lifted his head, concern evident on his face. “You don’t like it anymore?”
Blaine had laughed, his head tipped back and his Adam’s apple bobbing, inviting a bite from Kurt.
“Hey! Ow! No! No, I was going to say that now it makes me think of...well, much more than comfort, okay? Now it makes me think of this. Of how sexy you are and GOD you are...so sexy, that is.”
Kurt had preened and snuggled deeper and now...shit, now even his shampoo is working against him! Kurt sighs and grabs his loofah, liberally pumping out soap and kneading it between his fingers until the lather is streaming down his wrists and making paths down his torso, slipping down over his hips and hugging the muscles in his legs before slipping down the drain. He cleans his ears, is neck...spends more time than necessary on his upper body and his legs before sighing and focusing on his groin, hissing when the rough material of the loofah hits his erection which, try as he may to ignore it, is still straining for attention. He takes himself in hand, purely for cleanliness’ sake and slowly strokes himself, a broken moan escaping his lips.
It’s okay...this is okay, I just have to come...
He leans his shoulders back against the shower wall, letting the soap slide between his fingers as he leans his head back and closes his eyes, gripping himself and pulling, surely, quickly with no finesse. He lifts his left hand to the spray, rising it of soap before bringing his fist to his mouth to bite away a moan.
“Kurt...oh my god, Kurt...don’t stop...” Blaine breathed, head shifting on his pillow, fingers buried in Kurt’s hair as he licks teasingly at the ridge below the head of Blaine’s dick, Blaine begging above him.
Kurt bites down, his pace quickening, he’s close...so close...
“Can I kiss you? Your lips are just perfect...” Mr. Martinez whispers, his mouth closing over Kurt’s, his hands dropping low, palming Kurt’s cock and licking into his mouth, making him groan.
Kurt’s eyes fly open and he’s coming, filling his hand as his whole body quakes, liquid fire rushing out from his groin as he’s groaning and shuddering against the tiled wall.
He closes his eyes, hitting his head gently against the wall, hands running clean underneath the spray and then stepping under to rinse off before turning the tap off and stepping out to towel off.
He looks in the mirror and then away. Even his reflection looks guilty. But...he had liked it and...and he needs to talk to Blaine. Blaine needs to know.
***
“Hey you!”
Blaine’s voice on the other end of the phone is sleepy but obviously happy to hear from him. Kurt shifts on his bed, switching the phone to his left ear and idly toying with the buttons on his pajamas. He takes a deep breath, steeling his nerves and speaks.
“Blaine...I...I need to talk to you about something.”
“What is it? Hey, what is it? You know you can talk to me about anything, right?”
“Yeah, I know. And...okay, so. You know I love you, right?” Kurt whispers, running his fingers through his hair and worrying at his bottom lip with his teeth.
“Kurt, I love you too. What’s wrong?”
“So, um you know how Mr. Shue is a terrible Spanish teacher?”
Blaine laughs, making some sound of agreement into the phone. Kurt can see him, sitting in his lounge pants and some Dalton t-shirt, sprawled out on his bed. Kurt smiles to himself and continues, willing Blaine to understand him.
“Okay, so he’s taking a night class to do a better job with that so he brought in Mr. Martinez today and-” Kurt realizes Blaine is still chuckling to himself and stops. “What is it Blaine?”
“Santana texted me already. Apparently I picked ‘the wrong week to be gay and attacked because there was one super fine ass shaking it’ in our choir room today. Is that where you’re going with this?”
Kurt laughs nervously and presses on, “Yes, okay kind of - Santana was right. He’s so...god, Blaine he was so attractive and Blaine I can’t stop thinking about-” He stops and he can’t do this he can’t and...
“Kurt, it’s okay.”
“What?”
“It’s okay, you know? I love you but we’re both human, we’re both teenage boys and, you know, we’re bound to notice other people. The point is, I love you and we can figure this out.”
Kurt breaths out in relief and rushes on, emboldened by Blaine’s words.
“So I was in the shower and Iwasgettingoutsometension and-”
“What? What did you say?” Blaine exclaims and Kurt swears he might’ve heard the phone drop, too.
Kurt sighs and runs his fingers through his hair before speaking. “I said I was in the shower and I was, well, you know what I was doing because honestly, Blaine, I was just so hard and I couldn’t...”
He hears Blaine’s gulp of breath, a swift intake that feels, to Kurt, like it came from a megaphone. Oh god I am fucking this all up he has a moment to think before going on.
“Anyway and then, right as I was about to...to...well, you know, he was there, in my head and that’s how I...and I didn’t mean to do anything like that and Blaine I am so sorry and I can’t keep secrets from you and-”
“Kurt, baby...KURT! It’s okay!” Blaine giggles into the phone, relieved that Kurt can’t see him right now, his cheeks flushed and his pajama pants tenting. “Kurt, I didn’t know that was against the rules for us to...well, to have thoughts of...to think about while...to be attracted to other men. Remember how I said your fantasy of Taylor Lautner was hot? It was - it IS hot. And I know you love me just like I love you, just...this is okay. Tell me about him. What about him do you think...made that happen?”
Kurt breathes out and smiles, snuggling down into his duvet. He’s not angry! He...wait, he wants me to tell him...?
“Um, you really want to know?” Kurt questions, his voice small but confident.
“Definitely.” comes Blaine’s voice, eager and playful.
Kurt clears his throat and begins. “Well, part of it is his charisma, Blaine. It’s like, he’s so nice but he makes you feel like he’s only looking at you and...”
Blaine listens as Kurt regales him with details of Mr. Martinez’s body and his performance that, yeah, he wishes he had seen and then he’s done and asking Blaine, “Okay, so that was embarrassing and strangely freeing so what about you?”
“Real person or unattainable person?” comes Blaine’s response.
Kurt thinks. Blaine seems so calm about this and he wonders if he can be as neutral as Blaine seems to be about someone in their real lives.
“Unattainable.”
“Mmm, okay then. Bradley Cooper.”
Kurt shuffles and sits up in bed. He wants to know more about this.
“Why? What is it about him that you find...attractive?”
Blaine chuckles. “His eyes...soooo blue and...”
“And?” Kurt prompts, waiting with baited breath.
“Okay, wow. This is so much harder than I thought it would be. I’m sorry if I pushed too hard before.” Blaine replies, his embarrassment seeping through the phone.
“C’mon now, you said to be honest! What is it. I love you, Blaine...I just want to know. Just like you.” Kurt urged, hoping this would help.
“Well, have you ever seen Wet, Hot American Summer? Or at least heard about the scene in the-”
Kurt knows he’s red. All over. Because yeah, he’s heard of the scene and yeah, he might’ve YouTube’d it last spring after he and Blaine had talked about being sexy and...
“Oh, I see,” is all he says, though and he can hear Blaine rubbing his face over the phone.
“Yeah, okay so...that’s HOT, Kurt. Like, they just HAD to have each other in that shed and...”
Kurt feels himself getting uncomfortably hard again just thinking about Blaine thinking about that scene and isn’t THIS the conversation that they’ve found themselves headlong in.
“Okay, yeah I totally get it. Hot. Completely and totally.”
Blaine laughs then and Kurt can feel the odd tension of the conversation draining out of him. He smiles to himself and just listens to his boyfriend breathe, telling himself it’s his imagination that it seems quicker than usual.
“Okay. Your turn. Real life.”
“Are you sure that’s okay, Blaine. I mean, Mr. Martinez is pretty much Bradley Cooper in terms of attainability and I don’t want us to have any jealousy. It’s you I love. That I...want like this.”
“Of course, Kurt. I know that. And for me it’s you. Just you...but it’s still your turn. C’mon. Spill.” Blaine’s tone, although playful, is breathy and short. What have we started here? Kurt thinks and then answers.
“I’m pretty sure I could bounce quarters off of Sam’s abs,” he concedes, “AND make them land in his belly button. The swimming pool is not the place for that boy and Mr. Shue’s proposal was an exercise in frustration with both of you there...it’s not like I want him but damn.”
Kurt doesn’t know what to expect from this admission but before he can even consider it Blaine’s laughing through the phone and Kurt is, too.
“Accurate. Quite accurate. Oh my god, Kurt, QUARTERS, though?” And Blaine is laughing to himself and mumbling as Kurt fights back.
“Oh, sure, LAUGH at me. That makes me want to tell you more! I’m not telling you anything else! Now it’s your turn! You’re not leaving me alone in my embarrassment here, pal.”
“Thad.”
“Thad.”
“Thad.”
“Well, what about him?” Kurt asks.
“He was always so NICE to me...and his hair screamed to be touched.”
“Hmm,” Kurt wonders aloud, “Blue eyes, fantastic hair, kindness. Now I see how we ended up together. Your short list is...short...and me.”
Blaine huffs at him but smiles. The companionable quiet stretches between them before Kurt asks the question he’s been sitting on for awhile.
“Blaine?”
“Yes?”
“When you were thinking about that scene...were you...were you Bradley Cooper or....not Bradley Cooper?”
Blaine gasps and it feels like he’s there, right next to Kurt on his bed. It’s been a couple of months since they started...going south of the equator, and so far they’ve done some things with hands and mouths that are just...perfect. And Kurt’s been dying to know the answer to this question because he’s been thinking about it more and more and he just wants to know. He may not be ready to actually do...that, yet, but he’s thinking about it a lot, that’s for sure.
“I was...um...I was...”
Kurt’s heart is trying to get free of his chest and god he’s so hard again and is fingertips keep ghosting lower and lower on his pajama shirt, no longer just tracing the buttons but actually unbottoning them and shit is this going where he thinks it’s going because he really thinks he might be ready for that too and-
“Who were you, Blaine? I want...I want to know.” he whispers, his voice tight, needy.
“I was Bradley Cooper.” Blaine confessed, his voice low and rough.
Kurt groaned, closing his eyes and picturing exactly what Blaine was saying.
“I...”
“Kurt?” Blaine whimpered.
“I like that. I mean, I’d...I’d do that. To you. I mean, not in a shed-”
Blaine’s nervous laughter bubbles out and Kurt’s laughing too, willing his hands to stay put unless...
“...no, definitely not in a shed. But I’d like to, I mean, I’ve thought about, um, about having
you under me and-”
“Kuuurt, jesus, you can’t just say that to me and expect me not to- expect me to just-”
Kurt bites his lip, his right hand slipping down to tug his pajama bottoms over his hips, inch by inch, until his cock, flush and wet, is resting against his stomach.
“Then do it.” he breathes, hoping he’s not wrong about this.
Blaine moans and Kurt can hear him, his sheets moving and the rustle of clothing before Blaine’s voice is in his ear again.
“I...okay, I am. Fuck, Kurt...”
Kurt hisses, Blaine’s words spurring him on and he pulls his hand up and licks it before returning it to his cock, settling for the slickness his mouth can provide, not wanting to move to get anything else.
“Kurt...oh my god...are- are you?”
“Yes,” Kurt breathes, his breath hitching, quickening with the rhythm of his hand.
“Oh my GOD, Kurt. I just...can you tell me what you’re thinking?”
Kurt stops moving, trying to keep it together and make this amazing for Blaine.
“I’m, um, I’m thinking about last weekend at your house, you know, when I was-” He breathes out, a thin spectre of nervousness overtaking him before he reaches down to stroke himself again. “-when I was going down on you. You...you tasted so good Blaine, so good. I just...I wanted to keep going, you know? To to just keep licking you lower and lower and just...”
Blaine makes some sound, some choked sound and Kurt hears his breath hitch and pull and then -
“Fuck, I want that. I...I want you to lick me there, too, Kurt. Open me up and just...get me ready for you to...for me to take you into me.”
Kurt keens low and he’s coming, just like that, spilling over his hand, his mind painting the picture Blaine had just described as he shudders and mewls through his high.
“Oh my god, Kurt, fuck, Kurt, yes, come for me...fuck I’m going to...baby, so close...”
Kurt hears him and vaguely realizes Blaine’s about to come from hearing him and his boyfriend is so fucking hot it’s just not FAIR.
“I wanna be inside you, Blaine, make you come for me,” is all he needs to say before Blaine’s breath is a shuddering cadence and Kurt can see it in his head, Blaine’s hand on his cock, dragging what’s left of his orgasm out, leg muscles taut and bottom lip clamped between his teeth. It’s enough to make him moan softly as his dick tries in vain to take immediate interest again.
Their intermingled breathing brings them both down until Kurt speaks.
“Okay. So. THAT was hot. I mean, like, hotter than the shed scene, okay?”
Blaine gives a sleepy chuckle and Kurt can hear him smiling over the phone.
“Yes, GOD yes. Kurt?”
“Mmmm?”
“It’s us, you know? That...that was us. It doesn’t matter about the other guys, if something comes up in our fantasies because that - YOU are better than any fantasy.”
“Annnnd the sentimental fool comes out after the sexy times.”
“Shh, you love me.” Blaine replies languidly.
“I do. I SO do.” Kurt murmurs before sitting up to clean off.
So much, he thinks as he bids Blaine goodnight and, thoroughly cleaned off, lays his head down to sleep.
"I want a fic where Kurt’s jerking off and he’s trying to think about Blaine but keeps thinking about Mr. Martinez and he fights it and fights it and then eventually gives in and afterward he feels so guilty that he calls Blaine and tells him and Blaine’s like ‘… we’re not allowed to think about other guys when we do that sometimes?’ and then they spend the next half hour talking about the guys they think are hot and then they have phone sex with each other because they’re in love and it doesn’t matter if they find other men attractive because they’re the only ones for each other."
So. I decided to write it because it appealed to me. Apparently it appealed to me to the tune of 3200 words. It's a little different than what she asked for but it's the spirit of the thing so...here you are.
Two head canon things: 1.) EVERYTHING is canon but I went my own way with how far they have gone sexually. 2.) Blaine's surgery was laser and thus the healing process is pretty quick - no eye patch in this scene, just a piece of gauze taped over his eye.
Title is from "Lying is the Most Fun a Girl Can Have (Without Taking Her Clothes Off) by Panic! at the Disco
___
Kurt stares at the mirror of his dressing table, glancing down to silently catalog all of the sprays, lotions, and creams that sit below it before pulling his gaze back to the mirror to stare at himself.
“I’m sexy and I know it,” he whispers to himself, watching his own ears tinge pink and his cheeks flush. He bites his lip and his mirror mimics him, his own worry reflected back while his mind mulls over today’s performance.
God, sex makes things so complicated, he thinks running his right hand over his cheek while he tries to push away thoughts of Mr. Martinez.
Mr. Martinez’s voice.
Mr. Martinez’s hips.
Mr. Martinez’s arms.
I never knew tattoos could be so... his brain supplies and Kurt slams his hands down on the table, bottles rattling, as he silently chastises himself and moves to his closet to retrieve some pajamas and a towel.
Blaine...I...I have Blaine and he’s perfect and he loves me and this is just so wrong. A shower will help, yes, okay a shower...I can do this...Kurt Elizabeth Hummel is not a cheater.
His brain supplies the words but his body is still supplying the visceral reaction to thoughts of Mr. Martinez: half -hard in his jeans, breaths panting out between his lips. He squeezes his thighs together, wiling his erection away. This isn’t happening and he just needs to calm down...just focus on his nightly routine and everything will be fine, great. Everything will be perfect.
Kurt pads his way down the hall, past Finn’s room, catching snatches of his conversation with Rachel and pushes through the “No, I love YOU more”s before shutting the door and breathing in a sigh of relief. He just needs to shower and go to bed. That’s it. He can make it.
He crosses the room and lays out his pajamas next to the sink, leaning over to put his towel on the closed lid of the toilet next to the shower before straightening up and reaching down to begin working at the long line of buttons on his tailored shirt.
“I love unbuttoning these,” Blaine’s voice supplies in his mind, “I mean, yeah, it takes forEVER but that just means that I have to wait That. Much. Longer. to see you and I love working for it...so hot, Kurt.”
Kurt shivers, his nipples taut underneath the thin material of his t-shirt as he shrugs out of the shirt and lays it down on the back of the toilet, saving it from ruin before it goes to the dry cleaners.
“The thing is, everyone is sexy, beautiful...you know? It’s all about being who you are...let that show in the way you move, the way you sing, guys.” Mr. Martinez’s words, dancing around Blaine’s and making him fully hard and aching.
“Dammit!” Kurt curses, willing his erection away and scrubbing his face with his palms before tugging off his shirt and roughly undoing and pushing off his pants, kicking them in the direction of the hamper. This is so confusing and frustrating and...shit, he’s so turned on right now and it’s just not fair that Blaine’s home and recovering from surgery even if it was three days ago and Blaine’s insisting he’s better than he was...
He spins around and tries to focus, pulling off his socks and picking up his pants and shirt, depositing them all in the hamper. He’s grumbling to himself as he reaches into the shower to turn on the water, turning up the heat until it’s just hot enough to distract but not enough to hurt and jumps in, pulling the liner and curtain closed behind him.
He tries singing to himself, first humming and then belting out “Come What May” while scrubbing his hair with his Paul Mitchell.
“Do you really need this Kurt?” his Dad had asked the first time Kurt had purchased this shampoo. “Dad. It’s lavender MINT.” he had replied.
Blaine always said it made him smell like fresh comfort and, recently...
“Kurt...”
They had been lying on Blaine’s bed, Kurt’s head on Blaine’s chest, catching his breath and tracing circles around Blaine’s belly button, their skin slick with sweat and sex.
“Blaine?”
“I’ve always loved this smell...your hair...” Blaine’s nose, nuzzled deep in Kurt’s hair, pulls in a breath as his chest contracts and Kurt’s smiling, smug and loving. “But...”
Kurt had lifted his head, concern evident on his face. “You don’t like it anymore?”
Blaine had laughed, his head tipped back and his Adam’s apple bobbing, inviting a bite from Kurt.
“Hey! Ow! No! No, I was going to say that now it makes me think of...well, much more than comfort, okay? Now it makes me think of this. Of how sexy you are and GOD you are...so sexy, that is.”
Kurt had preened and snuggled deeper and now...shit, now even his shampoo is working against him! Kurt sighs and grabs his loofah, liberally pumping out soap and kneading it between his fingers until the lather is streaming down his wrists and making paths down his torso, slipping down over his hips and hugging the muscles in his legs before slipping down the drain. He cleans his ears, is neck...spends more time than necessary on his upper body and his legs before sighing and focusing on his groin, hissing when the rough material of the loofah hits his erection which, try as he may to ignore it, is still straining for attention. He takes himself in hand, purely for cleanliness’ sake and slowly strokes himself, a broken moan escaping his lips.
It’s okay...this is okay, I just have to come...
He leans his shoulders back against the shower wall, letting the soap slide between his fingers as he leans his head back and closes his eyes, gripping himself and pulling, surely, quickly with no finesse. He lifts his left hand to the spray, rising it of soap before bringing his fist to his mouth to bite away a moan.
“Kurt...oh my god, Kurt...don’t stop...” Blaine breathed, head shifting on his pillow, fingers buried in Kurt’s hair as he licks teasingly at the ridge below the head of Blaine’s dick, Blaine begging above him.
Kurt bites down, his pace quickening, he’s close...so close...
“Can I kiss you? Your lips are just perfect...” Mr. Martinez whispers, his mouth closing over Kurt’s, his hands dropping low, palming Kurt’s cock and licking into his mouth, making him groan.
Kurt’s eyes fly open and he’s coming, filling his hand as his whole body quakes, liquid fire rushing out from his groin as he’s groaning and shuddering against the tiled wall.
He closes his eyes, hitting his head gently against the wall, hands running clean underneath the spray and then stepping under to rinse off before turning the tap off and stepping out to towel off.
He looks in the mirror and then away. Even his reflection looks guilty. But...he had liked it and...and he needs to talk to Blaine. Blaine needs to know.
***
“Hey you!”
Blaine’s voice on the other end of the phone is sleepy but obviously happy to hear from him. Kurt shifts on his bed, switching the phone to his left ear and idly toying with the buttons on his pajamas. He takes a deep breath, steeling his nerves and speaks.
“Blaine...I...I need to talk to you about something.”
“What is it? Hey, what is it? You know you can talk to me about anything, right?”
“Yeah, I know. And...okay, so. You know I love you, right?” Kurt whispers, running his fingers through his hair and worrying at his bottom lip with his teeth.
“Kurt, I love you too. What’s wrong?”
“So, um you know how Mr. Shue is a terrible Spanish teacher?”
Blaine laughs, making some sound of agreement into the phone. Kurt can see him, sitting in his lounge pants and some Dalton t-shirt, sprawled out on his bed. Kurt smiles to himself and continues, willing Blaine to understand him.
“Okay, so he’s taking a night class to do a better job with that so he brought in Mr. Martinez today and-” Kurt realizes Blaine is still chuckling to himself and stops. “What is it Blaine?”
“Santana texted me already. Apparently I picked ‘the wrong week to be gay and attacked because there was one super fine ass shaking it’ in our choir room today. Is that where you’re going with this?”
Kurt laughs nervously and presses on, “Yes, okay kind of - Santana was right. He’s so...god, Blaine he was so attractive and Blaine I can’t stop thinking about-” He stops and he can’t do this he can’t and...
“Kurt, it’s okay.”
“What?”
“It’s okay, you know? I love you but we’re both human, we’re both teenage boys and, you know, we’re bound to notice other people. The point is, I love you and we can figure this out.”
Kurt breaths out in relief and rushes on, emboldened by Blaine’s words.
“So I was in the shower and Iwasgettingoutsometension and-”
“What? What did you say?” Blaine exclaims and Kurt swears he might’ve heard the phone drop, too.
Kurt sighs and runs his fingers through his hair before speaking. “I said I was in the shower and I was, well, you know what I was doing because honestly, Blaine, I was just so hard and I couldn’t...”
He hears Blaine’s gulp of breath, a swift intake that feels, to Kurt, like it came from a megaphone. Oh god I am fucking this all up he has a moment to think before going on.
“Anyway and then, right as I was about to...to...well, you know, he was there, in my head and that’s how I...and I didn’t mean to do anything like that and Blaine I am so sorry and I can’t keep secrets from you and-”
“Kurt, baby...KURT! It’s okay!” Blaine giggles into the phone, relieved that Kurt can’t see him right now, his cheeks flushed and his pajama pants tenting. “Kurt, I didn’t know that was against the rules for us to...well, to have thoughts of...to think about while...to be attracted to other men. Remember how I said your fantasy of Taylor Lautner was hot? It was - it IS hot. And I know you love me just like I love you, just...this is okay. Tell me about him. What about him do you think...made that happen?”
Kurt breathes out and smiles, snuggling down into his duvet. He’s not angry! He...wait, he wants me to tell him...?
“Um, you really want to know?” Kurt questions, his voice small but confident.
“Definitely.” comes Blaine’s voice, eager and playful.
Kurt clears his throat and begins. “Well, part of it is his charisma, Blaine. It’s like, he’s so nice but he makes you feel like he’s only looking at you and...”
Blaine listens as Kurt regales him with details of Mr. Martinez’s body and his performance that, yeah, he wishes he had seen and then he’s done and asking Blaine, “Okay, so that was embarrassing and strangely freeing so what about you?”
“Real person or unattainable person?” comes Blaine’s response.
Kurt thinks. Blaine seems so calm about this and he wonders if he can be as neutral as Blaine seems to be about someone in their real lives.
“Unattainable.”
“Mmm, okay then. Bradley Cooper.”
Kurt shuffles and sits up in bed. He wants to know more about this.
“Why? What is it about him that you find...attractive?”
Blaine chuckles. “His eyes...soooo blue and...”
“And?” Kurt prompts, waiting with baited breath.
“Okay, wow. This is so much harder than I thought it would be. I’m sorry if I pushed too hard before.” Blaine replies, his embarrassment seeping through the phone.
“C’mon now, you said to be honest! What is it. I love you, Blaine...I just want to know. Just like you.” Kurt urged, hoping this would help.
“Well, have you ever seen Wet, Hot American Summer? Or at least heard about the scene in the-”
Kurt knows he’s red. All over. Because yeah, he’s heard of the scene and yeah, he might’ve YouTube’d it last spring after he and Blaine had talked about being sexy and...
“Oh, I see,” is all he says, though and he can hear Blaine rubbing his face over the phone.
“Yeah, okay so...that’s HOT, Kurt. Like, they just HAD to have each other in that shed and...”
Kurt feels himself getting uncomfortably hard again just thinking about Blaine thinking about that scene and isn’t THIS the conversation that they’ve found themselves headlong in.
“Okay, yeah I totally get it. Hot. Completely and totally.”
Blaine laughs then and Kurt can feel the odd tension of the conversation draining out of him. He smiles to himself and just listens to his boyfriend breathe, telling himself it’s his imagination that it seems quicker than usual.
“Okay. Your turn. Real life.”
“Are you sure that’s okay, Blaine. I mean, Mr. Martinez is pretty much Bradley Cooper in terms of attainability and I don’t want us to have any jealousy. It’s you I love. That I...want like this.”
“Of course, Kurt. I know that. And for me it’s you. Just you...but it’s still your turn. C’mon. Spill.” Blaine’s tone, although playful, is breathy and short. What have we started here? Kurt thinks and then answers.
“I’m pretty sure I could bounce quarters off of Sam’s abs,” he concedes, “AND make them land in his belly button. The swimming pool is not the place for that boy and Mr. Shue’s proposal was an exercise in frustration with both of you there...it’s not like I want him but damn.”
Kurt doesn’t know what to expect from this admission but before he can even consider it Blaine’s laughing through the phone and Kurt is, too.
“Accurate. Quite accurate. Oh my god, Kurt, QUARTERS, though?” And Blaine is laughing to himself and mumbling as Kurt fights back.
“Oh, sure, LAUGH at me. That makes me want to tell you more! I’m not telling you anything else! Now it’s your turn! You’re not leaving me alone in my embarrassment here, pal.”
“Thad.”
“Thad.”
“Thad.”
“Well, what about him?” Kurt asks.
“He was always so NICE to me...and his hair screamed to be touched.”
“Hmm,” Kurt wonders aloud, “Blue eyes, fantastic hair, kindness. Now I see how we ended up together. Your short list is...short...and me.”
Blaine huffs at him but smiles. The companionable quiet stretches between them before Kurt asks the question he’s been sitting on for awhile.
“Blaine?”
“Yes?”
“When you were thinking about that scene...were you...were you Bradley Cooper or....not Bradley Cooper?”
Blaine gasps and it feels like he’s there, right next to Kurt on his bed. It’s been a couple of months since they started...going south of the equator, and so far they’ve done some things with hands and mouths that are just...perfect. And Kurt’s been dying to know the answer to this question because he’s been thinking about it more and more and he just wants to know. He may not be ready to actually do...that, yet, but he’s thinking about it a lot, that’s for sure.
“I was...um...I was...”
Kurt’s heart is trying to get free of his chest and god he’s so hard again and is fingertips keep ghosting lower and lower on his pajama shirt, no longer just tracing the buttons but actually unbottoning them and shit is this going where he thinks it’s going because he really thinks he might be ready for that too and-
“Who were you, Blaine? I want...I want to know.” he whispers, his voice tight, needy.
“I was Bradley Cooper.” Blaine confessed, his voice low and rough.
Kurt groaned, closing his eyes and picturing exactly what Blaine was saying.
“I...”
“Kurt?” Blaine whimpered.
“I like that. I mean, I’d...I’d do that. To you. I mean, not in a shed-”
Blaine’s nervous laughter bubbles out and Kurt’s laughing too, willing his hands to stay put unless...
“...no, definitely not in a shed. But I’d like to, I mean, I’ve thought about, um, about having
you under me and-”
“Kuuurt, jesus, you can’t just say that to me and expect me not to- expect me to just-”
Kurt bites his lip, his right hand slipping down to tug his pajama bottoms over his hips, inch by inch, until his cock, flush and wet, is resting against his stomach.
“Then do it.” he breathes, hoping he’s not wrong about this.
Blaine moans and Kurt can hear him, his sheets moving and the rustle of clothing before Blaine’s voice is in his ear again.
“I...okay, I am. Fuck, Kurt...”
Kurt hisses, Blaine’s words spurring him on and he pulls his hand up and licks it before returning it to his cock, settling for the slickness his mouth can provide, not wanting to move to get anything else.
“Kurt...oh my god...are- are you?”
“Yes,” Kurt breathes, his breath hitching, quickening with the rhythm of his hand.
“Oh my GOD, Kurt. I just...can you tell me what you’re thinking?”
Kurt stops moving, trying to keep it together and make this amazing for Blaine.
“I’m, um, I’m thinking about last weekend at your house, you know, when I was-” He breathes out, a thin spectre of nervousness overtaking him before he reaches down to stroke himself again. “-when I was going down on you. You...you tasted so good Blaine, so good. I just...I wanted to keep going, you know? To to just keep licking you lower and lower and just...”
Blaine makes some sound, some choked sound and Kurt hears his breath hitch and pull and then -
“Fuck, I want that. I...I want you to lick me there, too, Kurt. Open me up and just...get me ready for you to...for me to take you into me.”
Kurt keens low and he’s coming, just like that, spilling over his hand, his mind painting the picture Blaine had just described as he shudders and mewls through his high.
“Oh my god, Kurt, fuck, Kurt, yes, come for me...fuck I’m going to...baby, so close...”
Kurt hears him and vaguely realizes Blaine’s about to come from hearing him and his boyfriend is so fucking hot it’s just not FAIR.
“I wanna be inside you, Blaine, make you come for me,” is all he needs to say before Blaine’s breath is a shuddering cadence and Kurt can see it in his head, Blaine’s hand on his cock, dragging what’s left of his orgasm out, leg muscles taut and bottom lip clamped between his teeth. It’s enough to make him moan softly as his dick tries in vain to take immediate interest again.
Their intermingled breathing brings them both down until Kurt speaks.
“Okay. So. THAT was hot. I mean, like, hotter than the shed scene, okay?”
Blaine gives a sleepy chuckle and Kurt can hear him smiling over the phone.
“Yes, GOD yes. Kurt?”
“Mmmm?”
“It’s us, you know? That...that was us. It doesn’t matter about the other guys, if something comes up in our fantasies because that - YOU are better than any fantasy.”
“Annnnd the sentimental fool comes out after the sexy times.”
“Shh, you love me.” Blaine replies languidly.
“I do. I SO do.” Kurt murmurs before sitting up to clean off.
So much, he thinks as he bids Blaine goodnight and, thoroughly cleaned off, lays his head down to sleep.