the people of forever (standalone)
joonmyun/kyungsoo | PG | 6, 881 words
▲▼ prequel for b a b y
a/n: um. hm. mpreg. i'm sorry htiitlstdct true to the prediction, still so little of appa/umma fic out there. yeah?
the three different brand of pregnancy tests he purchased at the apothecary two hours bus ride from his home are all stating green stripes. that color, according to the usage information, means whoever pees on the stick is pregnant.
he washes the sticks, stuffs them to the white plastic bag with the apothecary logo and hides it under his bed. he will have to burn those tiny boxes stating 99% accuracy level later tonight when his parents and hyungie are sleeping. the sticks stay, they’re proofs. but for now, he’s just going to freak out.
(like, there’s this fond memory of accompanying joonmyun-hyung to babysit pretty giant baby sulli which will be forever engraved in do kyungsoo’s twelve year old’s mind.
sulli had blatantly showed off her favoritism towards kyungsoo whenever he’s tagging along, saying that kyungsoo-oppa is the cutest so squishy et cetera et cetera; and it was joonmyun-hyung’s playful jealous pout that triggered something weird in his stomach everytime.
especially that one incident when sulli fell over and skinned her knees at the playground near her kindergarten, bawling pitifully and joonmyun-hyung calmly, confidently, handsomely if kyungsoo might add, took care of the wound with his mineral water and a pack of tissue kyungsoo always carried around in his backpack.
at that time, as kyungsoo watched sulli use her deadly aegyo to get joonmyun-hyung to buy her ice cream, the idea of joonmyun-hyung being a great appa for their very own children was flooding his mind; and his dugeun dugeun heartbeats when he pictured joonmyun-hyung carrying their faceless-but still cute nonetheless!-first child instead of sulli on his arms wasn’t really helping the surge of instant excitement that he felt. joonmyun-hyung asked him why was he blushing when he flicked kyungsoo’s forehead, and kyungsoo blamed the hot summer’s sun.)
it’s only been four years.
▲ ▼
his body is changing, that’s for sure. he’s got this weird cycle going on; he eats too little at breakfast, pigs out at lunch-which makes him really sleepy on his next classes-and barely eats dinner but for snacking on cherry tomatoes. that happens for almost two weeks. next, he begins to feel nauseous at godawful hour in the mornings. he gives up waiting the bile after three consecutive days sitting on the cold bathroom floor, and so he ends up tossing and turning on his bed until it’s time to get up. he cringes at the smell of butter and milk, but he doesn’t feel like having rice or other side dishes either. he pretends not to notice his umma’s suspicious slash saddened expression, and nibbles on the american style omelette to appear...alright.
at school, he gets tired easily. he sweats too much from running a lap around the school’s soccer field, heaving on his knees. kangin-songsaenim is observant enough to tell him to take a rest at the infirmary, and kyungsoo is more than thankful to skip gym class. he’s pregnant, remember?
today, kangin-songsaenim approaches him with a set of furrowed eyebrows, because kyungsoo just collapses when the class is doing basic stretching for the upcoming leapfrog test. and they’re inside the basketball indoor court, so.
“do kyungsoo,” the bulky teacher pats kyungsoo’s slumped back none too gently, just the way he is. “what is happening to you? it’s your fifth week in a row, buddy, it’s not funny if you fail gym, right?” he uses the red clipboard with absent attendee to fan kyungsoo’s sweaty face.
“i-i’m sorry, songsaenim,” kyungsoo cowers on his spot, but liking the breeze anyway. “i’ll eat more breakfast next week, i promise!” he squeaks none too manly, just the way he is, and kangin-songsaenim seems to buy it because he exclaims that he misses kyungsoo’s chubby cheeks. kyungsoo giggles half heartedly because that’s what his umma asked this morning. he’s losing weight, nevermind that he’s got another new cycle that is eating whatever within his reach.
the next week, kyungsoo feels perfectly fit for a baseball game. even kangin-songsaenim ruffles his hair when he shows up as bright as ever.
but then he cries when his classmate, a sporty girl who runs faster than him, scolds him for messing up their team’s last chance on scoring. he’s hurting from her not-that-venomous words, and the girl, being a prideful little witch, she defenses herself with,
“why are you so sensitive these days?! you’re acting like a pregnant woman!”-which is...true, by the way, kyungsoo cried yesterday on english class, because hwang-songsaenim made them watch a movie called ‘dead poets society’ and one of the main characters committed suicide. the scene where the strict appa wailing was too heartbreaking and suddenly kyungsoo ran off of tissues that he always has with him.
“yah!” she stomps and shakes kyungsoo’s shoulders violently.
kyungsoo slaps her. he’s so angry he can only gasp in horror as she glares at him; fingerprints are visible on her left cheek. he lets her to attack his body. he bends down to protect his stomach. she gets to punch his unprotected waistline before their classmates are crowding and separating the girl from him.
kyungsoo can’t stop crying even after he apologizes and she actually looks concerned for his sanity. his waist hurts, his heart hurts, and joonmyun-hyung is in seoul, probably surviving only on coffees and greasy takeouts for his daily nutrition because the life as a freshman majoring in business and management at the seoul national university is different than being a freshman at a local high school, right?
▲ ▼
joonmyun-hyung’s parents like to tease him, deeming him as their son’s caring wife ever since kyungsoo knew he wanted to have joonmyun-hyung’s babies, and therefore, he began to act like joonmyun-hyung’s devoted wife indeed by reminding the older boy to do his homework to eat his vegetables to stop procrastinating and other daily stuffs only...well, only a wife would do. kyungsoo’s out of the blue’s interest in cooking simple doshirak was because joonmyun-hyung praised his kimchi fried rice once that he had craved for more praises so badly he begged his umma to assist him in the kitchen and asked kim-ahjumma all about joonmyun-hyung’s favorite foods.
“you want to visit joonmyun?” kim-ahjumma wriggles her eyebrows. “wait here i’ll write down how to get to his apartment and whatnots. have a seat!”
kyungsoo fidgets with the hem of his baggy t-shirt. he has to manage his posture whenever he’s sitting down or else his protruding stomach will show.
“so are you going to seoul with your hyung?” kim-ahjumma asks as he gives kyungsoo a piece of paper with what buses to take and the complete address. kyungsoo studies the note for a second, promising himself to google it first.
“not really, hyungie’s busy,” kyungsoo answers with a smile, but kim-ahjumma gapes.
“you’re going by yourself?! i can’t allow that! what if you’re lost? seoul is a scary place, soo soo-yah!” she shakes her head. “no no no, ask your hyung to go with you!”
kyungsoo blows his cheeks. “but i want to surprise joonmyun-hyung, ahjumma...” he whines, only slightly though. gotta save the last weapon if all else fails. “i’m a big boy, now, pleaseeeee?” he clasps his hands together, blinking purposefully.
“does your umma know about this?” kim-ahjumma frowns.
“not yet, but i promise i will tell her later, but please please let me go there by myself please?” he’s widening his eyes by now. he never plans to tell his umma anything. his backpack is ready with clothes, underwear, his emergency money (225,000 won), homemade cupcakes, kimchi jiggae, and of course the pregnancy tests.
he’s going to seoul tonight. it’s friday.
kim-ahjumma gives him more pocket money and puts tons of foods to her colorful tupperwares, reluctantly letting kyungsoo to go out of her sight with a dramatic slow motion kind of adieu. kyungsoo decides to hug her, to ease her doubt and fear.
he safely arrives right in front of joonmyun-hyung’s apartment door a little bit after eleven, and he’s so tired he doesn’t waste any more second to ring the doorbell.
steady footsteps, and then it’s joonmyun-hyung tilting his head, dark bags under his equally lifeless eyes, and kyungsoo grimaces at his own meek greeting,
“h-hyung.” i miss you.
joonmyun-hyung guides him in without a word, silently shutting the front door and locking it. kyungsoo meets a fairly neat living room with a sofa bed covered by horizontal patterned sheet, a 42-inch HD television, and a blue folding table with books, notes, and a laptop. to his left, a small kitchen; a modern refrigerator with a single stove and dirty dishes. there’s a door next to the sofa bed, and it must be joonmyun-hyung’s bedroom.
“hey,” kyungsoo jumps when joonmyun-hyung’s tickles his nape with warm fingers. “hey, you,” and then joonmyun-hyung hugs him tight, pressing their bodies from head to toe, clutching kyungsoo’s shoulders and inhaling kyungsoo’s hair.
kyungsoo drops his backpack and the extra handbag to the floor, stepping on joonmyun-hyung’s bare toes, totally forgetting about his stomach because this is the boy he hasn’t seen for almost four months; the one whom he gave his virginity to, the father of the baby inside of him.
do kyungsoo’s first love.
“hyung,” he’s crying, it’s the hormones, he reads it from pregnancy 101 online. his hormones are turning him into an overly emotional human being and it’s normal to cry over simple things, like hugging. yeah.
“hyung,” kyungsoo sobs, “hyung i’m pregnant.”
“okay,” joonmyun-hyung slides his hands to palm kyungsoo’s spine. “okay.”
joonmyun-hyung lays him on his unmade bed that smells like dove’s moisturizing cream body wash, undresses him bare for his curious eyes to see. he touches kyungsoo’s stomach, adds a pressure right below the belly button and smiles as he kisses the bump. but kyungsoo’s stopped crying when joonmyun-hyung reclaims him for the...whatisit time, he’s too busy muffling his moans because the walls are thin, joonmyun-hyung chuckles as he pushes and pulls with a scary rhythm.
“you’re so cute,” joonmyun-hyung murmurs to his nape, rubbing his stomach as he’s spooned from behind. “we’ll talk more tomorrow, alright?”
kyungsoo sighs to the pillow and closes his eyes.
joonmyun-hyung finishes the second serving of kyungsoo’s kimchi jiggae with kim-ahjumma’s daeji bulgogi in a record time, leaving kyungsoo somehow happy at the sight of color coming back to joonmyun-hyung’s pale face.
“good?” kyungsoo refills joonmyun-hyung’s glass of orange juice, patiently waiting for a response.
“the best,” joonmyun-hyung pokes kyungsoo’s nose with the chopsticks. they hold their eye contact and kyungsoo blurts out,
“i am keeping it,” it’s not want, because that sounds like he’s a kid wanting to possess a toy or something equally childish. no. he’s stating that he will take care of a life he created with joonmyun-hyung, and nobody will ever change his mind. first, he can just go homeschooling in order to graduate high school. second, his parents are probably ecstatic that it’s joonmyun-hyung’s seed growing in him. third, when he’s legal, he will enroll in the most well-known cooking school to provide money for the baby. fourth, if it’s not too much to ask, he’d like joonmyun-hyung to be by his side on each phase.
“okay,” joonmyun-hyung puts down his eating utensils, looks at kyungsoo with his gentle eyes, and nods reassuringly. “i’ll support you,” he says, “you’re so brave, kyungsoo-yah.”
the heavy, invisible weight on kyungsoo’s shoulders is gone, and kyungsoo bites his bottom lip or else his widening grin will appear unattractive.
“have you told your parents?” joonmyun-hyung asks as he turns off the television. he moves to face kyungsoo and begins massaging the heels of kyungsoo’s feet.
giddy is the correct term to express the bubbly, unstoppable feeling inside of kyungsoo as he enjoys joonmyun-hyung’s massage.
“i haven’t told anyone anything,” he lets out a quiet sigh.
“then i’ll go with you, maybe tonight?” kyungsoo gasps before he can’t help it. “what? i’m responsible too, kyungsoo-yah, it’s mine too,” joonmyun-hyung chuckles with a wink. “my parents will be so thrilled to be grandparents on their forties he he.”
“i’m-i’m sorry,” kyungsoo blushes.
“no need,” joonmyun-hyung leisurely kisses kyungsoo’s right knee and kyungsoo yelps. “anyway, while you’re here, do you want to go somewhere? i’ll be your tour guide for the day.”
subconsciously, kyungsoo rubs his knee. “can we go shopping?” he proposes. “i want to see the mall like in running man.”
they go to the coex mall, joonmyun-hyung pays for the sea world tickets and entwines their fingers after some guys shamelessly ogling kyungsoo from head to toe. or so, because joonmyun-hyung doesn’t elaborate further.
he asks every half an hour if kyungsoo needs to sit down, and kyungsoo likes the not annoying attention it a little bit too much than necessary.
then, joonmyun-hyung takes him to the food court and says that he can have anything he wants.
“but we just ate,” kyungsoo scrunches his nose at the smell of oil and cigarette smoke. his body is quick to react. “um, i think i’m going to puke.”
joonmyun-hyung maneuvers them out of the area, apologizing.
“it’s-i’m sorry hyung, are you hungry? you can go eat and i’ll be in the...bookstore or-”
“don’t even think about it,” joonmyun-hyung cups his cheeks and rubs the tips of their noses. they’re in public.
oh my god.
“but please eat something?” joonmyun-hyung’s vanilla mint mouthwash is making kyungsoo nervous.
“can i have salad?” he grips the lapel of joonmyun-hyung’s black hoodie. “i saw pizza hut somewhere on the third floor, hyung.”
after they have their brunch, kyungsoo proceeds to do the shopping spree. joonmyun-hyung shows him the best stores with cheap but awesome t-shirts, and kyungsoo has to insist that joonmyun-hyung doesn’t have to pay for him again. he buys them a matching sky blue t-shirts that compliment their complexions well. will their baby have the same skin tone?
kyungsoo tugs at joonmyun-hyung’s hand as they walk out of the store and asks, “hyung, do you want a boy or a girl?”
instead of answering right away, joonmyun-hyung makes a gurgling sound effect as he pinches kyungsoo’s chin.
“it doesn’t matter. i bet they will be just as cute as you he he,” why is kyungsoo dying to snuggle joonmyun-hyung while they’re in public?!
ugh.
hormones.
“so!” joonmyun-hyung is looking down at him with an amused glint in his eyes. “do you want to go somewhere else?”
when kyungsoo says that he wants to nap, he is definitely not whining.
▲ ▼
they’re gathered at the kim’s spacious living room to bear the news. so far, the ummas are shedding tears, kyungsoo’s hyungie is still staring-glaring-staring at joonmyun-hyung, and kyungsoo’s appa is silent.
until he asks with a hoarse voice, “h-how long, kyungsoo-yah?” that crumbles kyungsoo’s tough facade.
“about three to four months, appa,” he’s already bawling. “appa please don’t hate me...”
his appa looks scared beyond belief himself, and rushes to envelop him in a suffocating but desperately needed hug, shushing him and telling him that he is still his baby boy forever.
“my baby is having a baby, right,” his appa tells the whole room, and they burst into a laughter. “it’s joonmyun’s, you’ll be fine, kyungsoo-yah.”
“that’s right,” joonmyun-hyung’s appa pipes in, “it’s bound to happen, sooner or later. congratulations, joonmyun-ah.” he sounds genuinely welcoming the idea of his one and only son knocking up an underage boy without a marriage bond. or any kind of bond, really.
later, they go to the nearest restaurant to celebrate. when the owner, lee-ahjumma who is both families’ friend, asks about the special occasion, kyungsoo hides behind joonmyun-hyung.
“we’re welcoming a new family member,” kim-ahjusshi sends a meaningful look to lee-ahjumma, and she glances at kyungsoo who squeaks. her whole wrinkled face is lighting up because of course, even she is aware about kyungsoo’s not-so-secretive lifetime admiration for a certain kim joonmyun.
joonmyun-hyung excuses himself from the table not long after he touches his share of the ultimate wagyu beef. kyungsoo’s legs jiggle under the table. he counts to a hundred and forty one before he announces that he’s going to the restroom.
but joonmyun-hyung is not there.
kyungsoo is mildly panicked because he left his cellphone at home. he goes out of the crowded restaurant, and finds joonmyun-hyung sitting on a canopied swing by the koi pond, a slim cigarette stick is hanging from his mouth.
“hyung,” kyungsoo approaches the said boy slowly, unsurely, because of the smoke and because joonmyun-hyung smokes. “hyung, hi,” he smiles awkwardly, holding his breath.
joonmyun-hyung tosses the remaining cigarette to the wet ground, it hisses under his converse. “hey, come here,” he pats the empty space next to him. “but it’s kinda damp though.”
kyungsoo sits down anyway, telling himself not to puke. or cry because why is joonmyun-hyung smoking? how come he didn’t know it?
“hyung, it’s cold,” kyungsoo takes joonmyun-hyung’s icy left hand to his, the hand that didn’t hold the cigarette. “what are you doing?” he scoots closer despite the reeking tobacco smell from joonmyun-hyung’s clothes.
kyungsoo squeezes their hands when joonmyun-hyung doesn’t answer.
“hyung are you okay?”
voila.
“fuck,” there is no humor on joonmyun-hyung’s chuckle/snort. he doesn’t squeeze kyungsoo’s hand back, and kyungsoo is confused.
and scared.
“fuck, kyungsoo-yah,” joonmyun-hyung’s eyes are glassy, “fuck i’m so fucking stupid. it’s nothing, really. i’m sorry. let’s go back. it’s cold, right? come on.”
but kyungsoo won’t have any of it. he yanks joonmyun-hyung down with an unknown strength, his chin is quivering as he stutters angrily, “it’s not nothing, don’t lie to me! it’s about the ba-” kyungsoo’s eyes almost bulge out of their sockets. “oh my god,” he chokes, “oh my god, hyung, you don’t want it anymore do you?!”
“wha-” joonmyun-hyung pauses. “what?”
“don’t touch me!” kyungsoo’s protest is muffled by joonmyun-hyung’s chest. which is like an epitome of human ashtray. kyungsoo’s head is spinning while joonmyun-hyung explains about silly misunderstanding; that he’s just been thinking how he’s wasted both of their upcoming teenage years, especially for you, kyungsoo-yah, raising a baby is different than feeding your tamagotchi, okay, you won’t be-hey-
kyungsoo sees stars when he blinks, and graciously vomits on joonmyun-hyung’s expensive polo shirt.
“how’s your feeling?” joonmyun-hyung is spooning him from behind again, this time on kyungsoo’s bed, where they first had sex. it always brings memories; from joonmyun-hyung’s timid surrender (to kyungsoo’s advances) to his pleasured sigh when he came to the condom as a sign that he’d lost his virginity. questioning how the hell kyungsoo’s been surviving lonely nights without joonmyun-hyung is totally appropriate.
“i’m sorry i overreacted,” kyungsoo pulls joonmyun-hyung’s arms tighter around his torso, curling his shoulders to get joonmyun-hyung even impossibly closer to him.
“it’s okay,” joonmyun-hyung nuzzles his hair, and they fall in a silence. kyungsoo refuses to acknowledge that in a matter of minute, they’re going to continue that interrupted talk from earlier.
(like, obviously, kyungsoo understands it well that raising a baby is so much different than feeding tamagotchi or like, taking care of puppies or kittens. what was joonmyun-hyung thinking?!)
kyungsoo grunts, intentionally elbowing joonmyun-hyung’s chest so he can turn to glare at the oblivious boy.
“what’s going on?” joonmyun-hyung seems alerted.
“i am perfectly capable to raise a baby,” kyungsoo scoffs to the darkness, “i don’t like you thinking that i’m not!”
“i wasn’t-” joonmyun-hyung and his habit to have a brain freeze mid-sentence. “i didn’t-listen, kyungsoo-yah, i never doubt you’ll be a good parent for our child, i was just making a point that raising a baby will cost you your teenage life.” kyungsoo huffs. “are you following me?”
“yes,” kyungsoo answers almost inaudibly. “but so what?”
joonmyun-hyung is actually staring at him like he’s either a freak show or something sweeter than marshmallow; the dim lighting from streetlamp seeping through the curtains are illuminating joonmyun-hyung’s twinkling eyes.
kyungsoo feels shy.
“if you say so,” joonmyun-hyung’s laugh is restrained at first, but then it escalates into near hysterical as he shoves his face to the pillow. kyungsoo pouts, still shy, but now he doesn’t understand what’s happening. he throws half-hearted punches to joonmyun-hyung’s chest, aiming to the same spot his elbow had marked.
“i can’t even-” joonmyun-hyung grabs his wrists and easily pins them down next to his head. “can i call you ‘umma’?”
kyungsoo blushes.
“well...” he chews his bottom lip, and joonmyun-hyung’s eyes are instantly drawn there. “i guess? i m-mean i’m-but won’t it be weird?”
joonmyun-hyung leans down to take kyungsoo’s bottom lip in between his teeth. grinning, he whispers provokingly, “nope. kyungsoo-umma. i like the sound of that. kyungsoo-umma.”
eventually, they relive their lovemaking memory and everything’s good.
▲ ▼
“how’s your homeschooling going?” joonmyun-hyung helps kyungsoo to buckle the seatbelt of his appa’s toyota.
“it’s boring,” kyungsoo reaches to run his fingers on joonmyun-hyung’s grown hair. “at least i don’t have gym class. hyung, i couldn’t sleep last night. did you sleep well last night?”
they’re going to find out their baby’s sex today, on kyungsoo’s eighteenth week. he could’ve known it last week, but joonmyun-hyung didn’t have the time to come home because of his group project assignment.
joonmyun-hyung took the earliest bus from seoul, and it’s just a little past lunch for their appointment with doctor ryeowook-sshi.
“i’m so excited,” joonmyun-hyung says, “i can’t wait to see my baby.”
kyungsoo giggles at the twinkle on joonmyun-hyung’s eyes.
“it looks like an alien, to be honest,” he answers, “you can print the ultrasound photo of the baby. hyung, let’s get us each, ne?”
joonmyun-hyung kisses him and they have to wait thirty minutes before the nurse calls kyungsoo’s name. doctor ryeowook-sshi is the youngest obstetrician at the hospital, and he was recommended by kyungsoo umma’s older obstetrician because the old man thought it’d be nicer to have a young doctor for such a young couple.
“kyungsoo-yah!” ryeowook-sshi is a friendly person, he’s got this vivacious personality that invites kyungsoo to ask absolutely everything all about pregnancy. the man had screeched when he found out kyungsoo’s age though.
“oh, the father?” ryeowook-sshi shakes hands with him and he tells joonmyun-hyung about his and kyungsoo’s previous sessions, while checking kyungsoo’s heart and blood rate.
“you’re still lacking on vitamin c,” ryeowook-sshi is writing a prescription and puts it in an envelope. “please don’t forget to consume more fruits and finish the multivitamin i’m prescribing, okay?” after kyungsoo nods, he claps his hands.
“shall we?” he leads them to the examination bed. kyungsoo lies down with joonmyun-hyung’s help, stealthily watching joonmyun-hyung’s reaction for his bulging stomach as he raises his peach colored maternal shirt.
joonmyun-hyung is holding back his smile.
“ready?” joonmyun-hyung makes a room for ryeowook-sshi to squirt the blue gel on top of kyungsoo’s stomach, smears it with his gloved hand and takes the roll on like stick.
“joonmyun-sshi, look here,” he presses the stick to kyungsoo’s lower stomach. “that’s the head,” he points to the screen where a tiny circle is shown. joonmyun-hyung is clearing his throat. “that line is your baby’s slowly developing spine, aaand...” ryeowook-sshi moves the stick around until he stops at one area underneath kyungsoo’s left chest, squints to the screen, and announces with a cheerful tone,
“it’s a boy!”
both of their parents are frantically discussing names for the baby boy while kyungsoo’s hyungie is telling them an information he’d read from the internet that kyungsoo can start to listen to classical songs so his baby boy will be a genius.
“don’t listen with earbuds, though, like, play it on a stereo,” the twenty year old says, “i can lend you mine. in fact, i’ve bought three CDs of chopin and watisit.”
kyungsoo’s eyes are watering, he is so touched and happy! it’s ridiculous because usually, whenever his hyungie is doing something heroic for him, kyungsoo is comparing it to joonmyun-hyung’s act-which is really bad, he admits.
“are you crying?” his hyungie snorts as he repeatedly jabs kyungsoo’s cheeks. “wow, you sure are so hormonal! please don’t cry!” he hugs kyungsoo and kyungsoo whines but refuses to let go even after joonmyun-hyung is hinting at him to hug him instead.
| part t w o |
▲▼ prequel for b a b y
a/n: um. hm. mpreg. i'm sorry htiitlstdct true to the prediction, still so little of appa/umma fic out there. yeah?
the three different brand of pregnancy tests he purchased at the apothecary two hours bus ride from his home are all stating green stripes. that color, according to the usage information, means whoever pees on the stick is pregnant.
he washes the sticks, stuffs them to the white plastic bag with the apothecary logo and hides it under his bed. he will have to burn those tiny boxes stating 99% accuracy level later tonight when his parents and hyungie are sleeping. the sticks stay, they’re proofs. but for now, he’s just going to freak out.
(like, there’s this fond memory of accompanying joonmyun-hyung to babysit pretty giant baby sulli which will be forever engraved in do kyungsoo’s twelve year old’s mind.
sulli had blatantly showed off her favoritism towards kyungsoo whenever he’s tagging along, saying that kyungsoo-oppa is the cutest so squishy et cetera et cetera; and it was joonmyun-hyung’s playful jealous pout that triggered something weird in his stomach everytime.
especially that one incident when sulli fell over and skinned her knees at the playground near her kindergarten, bawling pitifully and joonmyun-hyung calmly, confidently, handsomely if kyungsoo might add, took care of the wound with his mineral water and a pack of tissue kyungsoo always carried around in his backpack.
at that time, as kyungsoo watched sulli use her deadly aegyo to get joonmyun-hyung to buy her ice cream, the idea of joonmyun-hyung being a great appa for their very own children was flooding his mind; and his dugeun dugeun heartbeats when he pictured joonmyun-hyung carrying their faceless-but still cute nonetheless!-first child instead of sulli on his arms wasn’t really helping the surge of instant excitement that he felt. joonmyun-hyung asked him why was he blushing when he flicked kyungsoo’s forehead, and kyungsoo blamed the hot summer’s sun.)
it’s only been four years.
▲ ▼
his body is changing, that’s for sure. he’s got this weird cycle going on; he eats too little at breakfast, pigs out at lunch-which makes him really sleepy on his next classes-and barely eats dinner but for snacking on cherry tomatoes. that happens for almost two weeks. next, he begins to feel nauseous at godawful hour in the mornings. he gives up waiting the bile after three consecutive days sitting on the cold bathroom floor, and so he ends up tossing and turning on his bed until it’s time to get up. he cringes at the smell of butter and milk, but he doesn’t feel like having rice or other side dishes either. he pretends not to notice his umma’s suspicious slash saddened expression, and nibbles on the american style omelette to appear...alright.
at school, he gets tired easily. he sweats too much from running a lap around the school’s soccer field, heaving on his knees. kangin-songsaenim is observant enough to tell him to take a rest at the infirmary, and kyungsoo is more than thankful to skip gym class. he’s pregnant, remember?
today, kangin-songsaenim approaches him with a set of furrowed eyebrows, because kyungsoo just collapses when the class is doing basic stretching for the upcoming leapfrog test. and they’re inside the basketball indoor court, so.
“do kyungsoo,” the bulky teacher pats kyungsoo’s slumped back none too gently, just the way he is. “what is happening to you? it’s your fifth week in a row, buddy, it’s not funny if you fail gym, right?” he uses the red clipboard with absent attendee to fan kyungsoo’s sweaty face.
“i-i’m sorry, songsaenim,” kyungsoo cowers on his spot, but liking the breeze anyway. “i’ll eat more breakfast next week, i promise!” he squeaks none too manly, just the way he is, and kangin-songsaenim seems to buy it because he exclaims that he misses kyungsoo’s chubby cheeks. kyungsoo giggles half heartedly because that’s what his umma asked this morning. he’s losing weight, nevermind that he’s got another new cycle that is eating whatever within his reach.
the next week, kyungsoo feels perfectly fit for a baseball game. even kangin-songsaenim ruffles his hair when he shows up as bright as ever.
but then he cries when his classmate, a sporty girl who runs faster than him, scolds him for messing up their team’s last chance on scoring. he’s hurting from her not-that-venomous words, and the girl, being a prideful little witch, she defenses herself with,
“why are you so sensitive these days?! you’re acting like a pregnant woman!”-which is...true, by the way, kyungsoo cried yesterday on english class, because hwang-songsaenim made them watch a movie called ‘dead poets society’ and one of the main characters committed suicide. the scene where the strict appa wailing was too heartbreaking and suddenly kyungsoo ran off of tissues that he always has with him.
“yah!” she stomps and shakes kyungsoo’s shoulders violently.
kyungsoo slaps her. he’s so angry he can only gasp in horror as she glares at him; fingerprints are visible on her left cheek. he lets her to attack his body. he bends down to protect his stomach. she gets to punch his unprotected waistline before their classmates are crowding and separating the girl from him.
kyungsoo can’t stop crying even after he apologizes and she actually looks concerned for his sanity. his waist hurts, his heart hurts, and joonmyun-hyung is in seoul, probably surviving only on coffees and greasy takeouts for his daily nutrition because the life as a freshman majoring in business and management at the seoul national university is different than being a freshman at a local high school, right?
▲ ▼
joonmyun-hyung’s parents like to tease him, deeming him as their son’s caring wife ever since kyungsoo knew he wanted to have joonmyun-hyung’s babies, and therefore, he began to act like joonmyun-hyung’s devoted wife indeed by reminding the older boy to do his homework to eat his vegetables to stop procrastinating and other daily stuffs only...well, only a wife would do. kyungsoo’s out of the blue’s interest in cooking simple doshirak was because joonmyun-hyung praised his kimchi fried rice once that he had craved for more praises so badly he begged his umma to assist him in the kitchen and asked kim-ahjumma all about joonmyun-hyung’s favorite foods.
“you want to visit joonmyun?” kim-ahjumma wriggles her eyebrows. “wait here i’ll write down how to get to his apartment and whatnots. have a seat!”
kyungsoo fidgets with the hem of his baggy t-shirt. he has to manage his posture whenever he’s sitting down or else his protruding stomach will show.
“so are you going to seoul with your hyung?” kim-ahjumma asks as he gives kyungsoo a piece of paper with what buses to take and the complete address. kyungsoo studies the note for a second, promising himself to google it first.
“not really, hyungie’s busy,” kyungsoo answers with a smile, but kim-ahjumma gapes.
“you’re going by yourself?! i can’t allow that! what if you’re lost? seoul is a scary place, soo soo-yah!” she shakes her head. “no no no, ask your hyung to go with you!”
kyungsoo blows his cheeks. “but i want to surprise joonmyun-hyung, ahjumma...” he whines, only slightly though. gotta save the last weapon if all else fails. “i’m a big boy, now, pleaseeeee?” he clasps his hands together, blinking purposefully.
“does your umma know about this?” kim-ahjumma frowns.
“not yet, but i promise i will tell her later, but please please let me go there by myself please?” he’s widening his eyes by now. he never plans to tell his umma anything. his backpack is ready with clothes, underwear, his emergency money (225,000 won), homemade cupcakes, kimchi jiggae, and of course the pregnancy tests.
he’s going to seoul tonight. it’s friday.
kim-ahjumma gives him more pocket money and puts tons of foods to her colorful tupperwares, reluctantly letting kyungsoo to go out of her sight with a dramatic slow motion kind of adieu. kyungsoo decides to hug her, to ease her doubt and fear.
he safely arrives right in front of joonmyun-hyung’s apartment door a little bit after eleven, and he’s so tired he doesn’t waste any more second to ring the doorbell.
steady footsteps, and then it’s joonmyun-hyung tilting his head, dark bags under his equally lifeless eyes, and kyungsoo grimaces at his own meek greeting,
“h-hyung.” i miss you.
joonmyun-hyung guides him in without a word, silently shutting the front door and locking it. kyungsoo meets a fairly neat living room with a sofa bed covered by horizontal patterned sheet, a 42-inch HD television, and a blue folding table with books, notes, and a laptop. to his left, a small kitchen; a modern refrigerator with a single stove and dirty dishes. there’s a door next to the sofa bed, and it must be joonmyun-hyung’s bedroom.
“hey,” kyungsoo jumps when joonmyun-hyung’s tickles his nape with warm fingers. “hey, you,” and then joonmyun-hyung hugs him tight, pressing their bodies from head to toe, clutching kyungsoo’s shoulders and inhaling kyungsoo’s hair.
kyungsoo drops his backpack and the extra handbag to the floor, stepping on joonmyun-hyung’s bare toes, totally forgetting about his stomach because this is the boy he hasn’t seen for almost four months; the one whom he gave his virginity to, the father of the baby inside of him.
do kyungsoo’s first love.
“hyung,” he’s crying, it’s the hormones, he reads it from pregnancy 101 online. his hormones are turning him into an overly emotional human being and it’s normal to cry over simple things, like hugging. yeah.
“hyung,” kyungsoo sobs, “hyung i’m pregnant.”
“okay,” joonmyun-hyung slides his hands to palm kyungsoo’s spine. “okay.”
joonmyun-hyung lays him on his unmade bed that smells like dove’s moisturizing cream body wash, undresses him bare for his curious eyes to see. he touches kyungsoo’s stomach, adds a pressure right below the belly button and smiles as he kisses the bump. but kyungsoo’s stopped crying when joonmyun-hyung reclaims him for the...whatisit time, he’s too busy muffling his moans because the walls are thin, joonmyun-hyung chuckles as he pushes and pulls with a scary rhythm.
“you’re so cute,” joonmyun-hyung murmurs to his nape, rubbing his stomach as he’s spooned from behind. “we’ll talk more tomorrow, alright?”
kyungsoo sighs to the pillow and closes his eyes.
joonmyun-hyung finishes the second serving of kyungsoo’s kimchi jiggae with kim-ahjumma’s daeji bulgogi in a record time, leaving kyungsoo somehow happy at the sight of color coming back to joonmyun-hyung’s pale face.
“good?” kyungsoo refills joonmyun-hyung’s glass of orange juice, patiently waiting for a response.
“the best,” joonmyun-hyung pokes kyungsoo’s nose with the chopsticks. they hold their eye contact and kyungsoo blurts out,
“i am keeping it,” it’s not want, because that sounds like he’s a kid wanting to possess a toy or something equally childish. no. he’s stating that he will take care of a life he created with joonmyun-hyung, and nobody will ever change his mind. first, he can just go homeschooling in order to graduate high school. second, his parents are probably ecstatic that it’s joonmyun-hyung’s seed growing in him. third, when he’s legal, he will enroll in the most well-known cooking school to provide money for the baby. fourth, if it’s not too much to ask, he’d like joonmyun-hyung to be by his side on each phase.
“okay,” joonmyun-hyung puts down his eating utensils, looks at kyungsoo with his gentle eyes, and nods reassuringly. “i’ll support you,” he says, “you’re so brave, kyungsoo-yah.”
the heavy, invisible weight on kyungsoo’s shoulders is gone, and kyungsoo bites his bottom lip or else his widening grin will appear unattractive.
“have you told your parents?” joonmyun-hyung asks as he turns off the television. he moves to face kyungsoo and begins massaging the heels of kyungsoo’s feet.
giddy is the correct term to express the bubbly, unstoppable feeling inside of kyungsoo as he enjoys joonmyun-hyung’s massage.
“i haven’t told anyone anything,” he lets out a quiet sigh.
“then i’ll go with you, maybe tonight?” kyungsoo gasps before he can’t help it. “what? i’m responsible too, kyungsoo-yah, it’s mine too,” joonmyun-hyung chuckles with a wink. “my parents will be so thrilled to be grandparents on their forties he he.”
“i’m-i’m sorry,” kyungsoo blushes.
“no need,” joonmyun-hyung leisurely kisses kyungsoo’s right knee and kyungsoo yelps. “anyway, while you’re here, do you want to go somewhere? i’ll be your tour guide for the day.”
subconsciously, kyungsoo rubs his knee. “can we go shopping?” he proposes. “i want to see the mall like in running man.”
they go to the coex mall, joonmyun-hyung pays for the sea world tickets and entwines their fingers after some guys shamelessly ogling kyungsoo from head to toe. or so, because joonmyun-hyung doesn’t elaborate further.
he asks every half an hour if kyungsoo needs to sit down, and kyungsoo likes the not annoying attention it a little bit too much than necessary.
then, joonmyun-hyung takes him to the food court and says that he can have anything he wants.
“but we just ate,” kyungsoo scrunches his nose at the smell of oil and cigarette smoke. his body is quick to react. “um, i think i’m going to puke.”
joonmyun-hyung maneuvers them out of the area, apologizing.
“it’s-i’m sorry hyung, are you hungry? you can go eat and i’ll be in the...bookstore or-”
“don’t even think about it,” joonmyun-hyung cups his cheeks and rubs the tips of their noses. they’re in public.
oh my god.
“but please eat something?” joonmyun-hyung’s vanilla mint mouthwash is making kyungsoo nervous.
“can i have salad?” he grips the lapel of joonmyun-hyung’s black hoodie. “i saw pizza hut somewhere on the third floor, hyung.”
after they have their brunch, kyungsoo proceeds to do the shopping spree. joonmyun-hyung shows him the best stores with cheap but awesome t-shirts, and kyungsoo has to insist that joonmyun-hyung doesn’t have to pay for him again. he buys them a matching sky blue t-shirts that compliment their complexions well. will their baby have the same skin tone?
kyungsoo tugs at joonmyun-hyung’s hand as they walk out of the store and asks, “hyung, do you want a boy or a girl?”
instead of answering right away, joonmyun-hyung makes a gurgling sound effect as he pinches kyungsoo’s chin.
“it doesn’t matter. i bet they will be just as cute as you he he,” why is kyungsoo dying to snuggle joonmyun-hyung while they’re in public?!
ugh.
hormones.
“so!” joonmyun-hyung is looking down at him with an amused glint in his eyes. “do you want to go somewhere else?”
when kyungsoo says that he wants to nap, he is definitely not whining.
▲ ▼
they’re gathered at the kim’s spacious living room to bear the news. so far, the ummas are shedding tears, kyungsoo’s hyungie is still staring-glaring-staring at joonmyun-hyung, and kyungsoo’s appa is silent.
until he asks with a hoarse voice, “h-how long, kyungsoo-yah?” that crumbles kyungsoo’s tough facade.
“about three to four months, appa,” he’s already bawling. “appa please don’t hate me...”
his appa looks scared beyond belief himself, and rushes to envelop him in a suffocating but desperately needed hug, shushing him and telling him that he is still his baby boy forever.
“my baby is having a baby, right,” his appa tells the whole room, and they burst into a laughter. “it’s joonmyun’s, you’ll be fine, kyungsoo-yah.”
“that’s right,” joonmyun-hyung’s appa pipes in, “it’s bound to happen, sooner or later. congratulations, joonmyun-ah.” he sounds genuinely welcoming the idea of his one and only son knocking up an underage boy without a marriage bond. or any kind of bond, really.
later, they go to the nearest restaurant to celebrate. when the owner, lee-ahjumma who is both families’ friend, asks about the special occasion, kyungsoo hides behind joonmyun-hyung.
“we’re welcoming a new family member,” kim-ahjusshi sends a meaningful look to lee-ahjumma, and she glances at kyungsoo who squeaks. her whole wrinkled face is lighting up because of course, even she is aware about kyungsoo’s not-so-secretive lifetime admiration for a certain kim joonmyun.
joonmyun-hyung excuses himself from the table not long after he touches his share of the ultimate wagyu beef. kyungsoo’s legs jiggle under the table. he counts to a hundred and forty one before he announces that he’s going to the restroom.
but joonmyun-hyung is not there.
kyungsoo is mildly panicked because he left his cellphone at home. he goes out of the crowded restaurant, and finds joonmyun-hyung sitting on a canopied swing by the koi pond, a slim cigarette stick is hanging from his mouth.
“hyung,” kyungsoo approaches the said boy slowly, unsurely, because of the smoke and because joonmyun-hyung smokes. “hyung, hi,” he smiles awkwardly, holding his breath.
joonmyun-hyung tosses the remaining cigarette to the wet ground, it hisses under his converse. “hey, come here,” he pats the empty space next to him. “but it’s kinda damp though.”
kyungsoo sits down anyway, telling himself not to puke. or cry because why is joonmyun-hyung smoking? how come he didn’t know it?
“hyung, it’s cold,” kyungsoo takes joonmyun-hyung’s icy left hand to his, the hand that didn’t hold the cigarette. “what are you doing?” he scoots closer despite the reeking tobacco smell from joonmyun-hyung’s clothes.
kyungsoo squeezes their hands when joonmyun-hyung doesn’t answer.
“hyung are you okay?”
voila.
“fuck,” there is no humor on joonmyun-hyung’s chuckle/snort. he doesn’t squeeze kyungsoo’s hand back, and kyungsoo is confused.
and scared.
“fuck, kyungsoo-yah,” joonmyun-hyung’s eyes are glassy, “fuck i’m so fucking stupid. it’s nothing, really. i’m sorry. let’s go back. it’s cold, right? come on.”
but kyungsoo won’t have any of it. he yanks joonmyun-hyung down with an unknown strength, his chin is quivering as he stutters angrily, “it’s not nothing, don’t lie to me! it’s about the ba-” kyungsoo’s eyes almost bulge out of their sockets. “oh my god,” he chokes, “oh my god, hyung, you don’t want it anymore do you?!”
“wha-” joonmyun-hyung pauses. “what?”
“don’t touch me!” kyungsoo’s protest is muffled by joonmyun-hyung’s chest. which is like an epitome of human ashtray. kyungsoo’s head is spinning while joonmyun-hyung explains about silly misunderstanding; that he’s just been thinking how he’s wasted both of their upcoming teenage years, especially for you, kyungsoo-yah, raising a baby is different than feeding your tamagotchi, okay, you won’t be-hey-
kyungsoo sees stars when he blinks, and graciously vomits on joonmyun-hyung’s expensive polo shirt.
“how’s your feeling?” joonmyun-hyung is spooning him from behind again, this time on kyungsoo’s bed, where they first had sex. it always brings memories; from joonmyun-hyung’s timid surrender (to kyungsoo’s advances) to his pleasured sigh when he came to the condom as a sign that he’d lost his virginity. questioning how the hell kyungsoo’s been surviving lonely nights without joonmyun-hyung is totally appropriate.
“i’m sorry i overreacted,” kyungsoo pulls joonmyun-hyung’s arms tighter around his torso, curling his shoulders to get joonmyun-hyung even impossibly closer to him.
“it’s okay,” joonmyun-hyung nuzzles his hair, and they fall in a silence. kyungsoo refuses to acknowledge that in a matter of minute, they’re going to continue that interrupted talk from earlier.
(like, obviously, kyungsoo understands it well that raising a baby is so much different than feeding tamagotchi or like, taking care of puppies or kittens. what was joonmyun-hyung thinking?!)
kyungsoo grunts, intentionally elbowing joonmyun-hyung’s chest so he can turn to glare at the oblivious boy.
“what’s going on?” joonmyun-hyung seems alerted.
“i am perfectly capable to raise a baby,” kyungsoo scoffs to the darkness, “i don’t like you thinking that i’m not!”
“i wasn’t-” joonmyun-hyung and his habit to have a brain freeze mid-sentence. “i didn’t-listen, kyungsoo-yah, i never doubt you’ll be a good parent for our child, i was just making a point that raising a baby will cost you your teenage life.” kyungsoo huffs. “are you following me?”
“yes,” kyungsoo answers almost inaudibly. “but so what?”
joonmyun-hyung is actually staring at him like he’s either a freak show or something sweeter than marshmallow; the dim lighting from streetlamp seeping through the curtains are illuminating joonmyun-hyung’s twinkling eyes.
kyungsoo feels shy.
“if you say so,” joonmyun-hyung’s laugh is restrained at first, but then it escalates into near hysterical as he shoves his face to the pillow. kyungsoo pouts, still shy, but now he doesn’t understand what’s happening. he throws half-hearted punches to joonmyun-hyung’s chest, aiming to the same spot his elbow had marked.
“i can’t even-” joonmyun-hyung grabs his wrists and easily pins them down next to his head. “can i call you ‘umma’?”
kyungsoo blushes.
“well...” he chews his bottom lip, and joonmyun-hyung’s eyes are instantly drawn there. “i guess? i m-mean i’m-but won’t it be weird?”
joonmyun-hyung leans down to take kyungsoo’s bottom lip in between his teeth. grinning, he whispers provokingly, “nope. kyungsoo-umma. i like the sound of that. kyungsoo-umma.”
eventually, they relive their lovemaking memory and everything’s good.
▲ ▼
“how’s your homeschooling going?” joonmyun-hyung helps kyungsoo to buckle the seatbelt of his appa’s toyota.
“it’s boring,” kyungsoo reaches to run his fingers on joonmyun-hyung’s grown hair. “at least i don’t have gym class. hyung, i couldn’t sleep last night. did you sleep well last night?”
they’re going to find out their baby’s sex today, on kyungsoo’s eighteenth week. he could’ve known it last week, but joonmyun-hyung didn’t have the time to come home because of his group project assignment.
joonmyun-hyung took the earliest bus from seoul, and it’s just a little past lunch for their appointment with doctor ryeowook-sshi.
“i’m so excited,” joonmyun-hyung says, “i can’t wait to see my baby.”
kyungsoo giggles at the twinkle on joonmyun-hyung’s eyes.
“it looks like an alien, to be honest,” he answers, “you can print the ultrasound photo of the baby. hyung, let’s get us each, ne?”
joonmyun-hyung kisses him and they have to wait thirty minutes before the nurse calls kyungsoo’s name. doctor ryeowook-sshi is the youngest obstetrician at the hospital, and he was recommended by kyungsoo umma’s older obstetrician because the old man thought it’d be nicer to have a young doctor for such a young couple.
“kyungsoo-yah!” ryeowook-sshi is a friendly person, he’s got this vivacious personality that invites kyungsoo to ask absolutely everything all about pregnancy. the man had screeched when he found out kyungsoo’s age though.
“oh, the father?” ryeowook-sshi shakes hands with him and he tells joonmyun-hyung about his and kyungsoo’s previous sessions, while checking kyungsoo’s heart and blood rate.
“you’re still lacking on vitamin c,” ryeowook-sshi is writing a prescription and puts it in an envelope. “please don’t forget to consume more fruits and finish the multivitamin i’m prescribing, okay?” after kyungsoo nods, he claps his hands.
“shall we?” he leads them to the examination bed. kyungsoo lies down with joonmyun-hyung’s help, stealthily watching joonmyun-hyung’s reaction for his bulging stomach as he raises his peach colored maternal shirt.
joonmyun-hyung is holding back his smile.
“ready?” joonmyun-hyung makes a room for ryeowook-sshi to squirt the blue gel on top of kyungsoo’s stomach, smears it with his gloved hand and takes the roll on like stick.
“joonmyun-sshi, look here,” he presses the stick to kyungsoo’s lower stomach. “that’s the head,” he points to the screen where a tiny circle is shown. joonmyun-hyung is clearing his throat. “that line is your baby’s slowly developing spine, aaand...” ryeowook-sshi moves the stick around until he stops at one area underneath kyungsoo’s left chest, squints to the screen, and announces with a cheerful tone,
“it’s a boy!”
both of their parents are frantically discussing names for the baby boy while kyungsoo’s hyungie is telling them an information he’d read from the internet that kyungsoo can start to listen to classical songs so his baby boy will be a genius.
“don’t listen with earbuds, though, like, play it on a stereo,” the twenty year old says, “i can lend you mine. in fact, i’ve bought three CDs of chopin and watisit.”
kyungsoo’s eyes are watering, he is so touched and happy! it’s ridiculous because usually, whenever his hyungie is doing something heroic for him, kyungsoo is comparing it to joonmyun-hyung’s act-which is really bad, he admits.
“are you crying?” his hyungie snorts as he repeatedly jabs kyungsoo’s cheeks. “wow, you sure are so hormonal! please don’t cry!” he hugs kyungsoo and kyungsoo whines but refuses to let go even after joonmyun-hyung is hinting at him to hug him instead.
| part t w o |