Continued feelings......

[stupidoclock]

I think Trav needs a break from me. Not as in breaking up with me or anything. Just a little while away from me. Going to Irondequoit is best for him. He can see his friends and gather up more of his things. When he came home tonight he said to me, that he is really happy for me when I go out with friends. He said he loves it because I never have fun anymore. All I do is worry and make shitstorms where they don't need to be, and that we clash because he is carefree and doesn't let things get him down. When I told him my story about the song, he said that isn't even a thought in his mind, and that I am the only one who is thinking that. I think he missed the point....or maybe I did.

I am just feeling like shit about myself today/tonight. I talked to my mom, I miss her a lot. No matter what guilt she has put me through in the past and present, I want to see her right now. She told me I could come and spend the night on friday and spend the day saturday before I come home and take Trav to work. Maybe I will take her up on her offer.

I just need to feel like I am doing everything to the best of my ability right now. I feel like I am failing miserably.