stupid entry number 1
Ok, so there's this boy i like
i know what a lame way to start off but i don't care so go die
he is so stupid, literally, im not the only one who thinks so!! its funny actually. The sad thing is that I know that he is going completely and utterly break my heart. But thats ok, because for some STUPID reason, nothing he could do is wrong. He could run me over with his car 10 times, stab me in the liver, then sell my toes on the back market, and when i get out of the hospital, i'de hug him and say
" oh my god i missed you so much!!!"
told you im stupid....
so now im sitting in my computer room all alone, and all i can think about his him, so i put on music, and it all reminds me of him too!! so what do i do? like every hopeless loser, i facebook his supid ass and look at his pictures. and i think to myself, ew....what the fuck do i see in this dude. then i think of all the times we went for meaning less drives in his car, and the laughter and him asking me what the name of everysong that played on the radio, and me actually be able to answer him truthfully. But here is the confusing part...when he went in for the first kiss, yes he went for the kiss first....which was shocking to me.... i laughed in his face, but that was by accident, were such good friends i couldnt belive that it was happening to me. He completely dismissed me and pretended that nothing happened. then the next day he tried again and i let him. but after the fist kiss i laughed, once again, and he dismissed that also. every night i somehow managed to keep in my laughter for that one kiss good night. soon those kisses good night turned out into hardcore makeout sessions
....how lame....i know....but i've fallen for this dude, hardcore. You all know how it is, theres always that one person in your group of friends that you wouldn't mind having a night of freaky monkey lovin...well he is mine
but fuck i acutually want more from him now
the sad thing is im white...and he isn't....its his culture to date a girl from where he is....not some stupid white girl....one of my good friends said that he isn't like that, that he wouldn't date me just becuase im white, that if he wanted to he would
but he had some bad experience with some girl he dated...but i want him to see that im different....
at the same time i don't want to date him becuase i've seen how he is with his past girlfriends and he is a total DICK HEAD
i don't want to be the white girl that he " had fun with " ( thats what he called it, to the good friend of mine)
but
i also don't want to be the girl he dated that he hurt.....
Right now he is prolly sitting on the beach in Cuba, drunk as a mother fucker. without a care in the world....i hope he is in someway thinking of me....if not im going to feel like a total moron stressing over him
because theres this girl....that found out what him and i are doing...and even though she has had a boyfriend for almost year now, she is bothered by the fact that him and i are simi-involved....
heres the reason.... she is the same background as him, and doesn't see it proper that him and i (being white...yes i know once again im mentioning that fact) are doing the things that we are doing
i can't help but think she is jelous becuase she is always hinting to me that she knows....and she knows that she shouldn't know...if that makes any sence.....apparently everyone in our ''click'' if that is what you would like to call it, knows, but is too gutless to say anything to me....i hate this....can't someone be happy for me?
why do i have to lie about him and i?...it just doesn't seem right....
what it all boils down to is that everyone is mad at me and things im a complete whore, but they are being kind to my face, not saying shit about me to me directly....i have to hear the wispers behind my back..... all this week i''ve been defending myself left right and center for him and i...while he is off on vacation, he doesn't come back till this upcoming friday....
i miss him so much, but i hate him more becuase he makes me feel this way about him
what the FUCK am i goign to do about this im screwed ither way...
somehow i need to gather the nerves to say
DATE ME
OR
STOP FUCKING WITH MY HEART ASSHOLE.....
like thats going to happen, im one passive little shit.......
