shelly still lingers...
There aren't enough words to explain what I am feeling right now. I still find myself missing Shelly. But I choose not to call her, because I know she doesn't miss me. I know she doesn't even remotely think of what we had as "something to remember". I know she didn't feel about me, the way I felt about her. I don't know why she chose to keep her emotional wall up, even blocking me out. I know we could've had something good if only she had let me in. The main thing about us breaking up, being our distance, and my financial situation of not letting me have enough to save up so I could see her when I wanted to. I wish I didn't miss her so much, but I really do. Sometimes I can think about what we had, and I am pretty passive about it. But moments like now make me realize how sad I really am that I'm no longer with her. I hope she at least reads this to see how I am. I know I'm not in love with her, but I am still missing her as if I would've loved her over time. I did appreciate everything about her...
...the way she'd bite her lip ring when she was watching tv, but she knew I was staring at her.
...the way her jaw would make small popping noises when we'd kiss.
...the goosebumps I gave her when I kissed her.
...falling asleep on the couch, holding her.
I miss those little things, so much. I really wish I had a second chance with her. She was a great girl. And I really hope she finds someone who can appreciate her as much as I did.
I realize I have to move on, and that's what I'm doing now. But without writing some of these things down, they will only build up. I want to call her so much, but what would I say? What would she say? I know the best way to get over her, is to forget her, is to leave her alone. She has a few of my things, and I want them back, but do I really want to see her face one more time just for those petty items? Or should my severance of them be a forever reminder of where we left off?
She's so beautiful...she's smart....she's so funny....she's so perfect....she's so....what I want.
Then I speak to the other girl....who so wonderfully reflects her....the one who actually does show some form of mutual affection...
Should I invest my time on her? Or is it just a silly fantasy that will never be realized? Who knows...
Maybe I should just stop trying to be with someone.
Maybe it's my fate to be alone right now. Maybe it's what I need, whether I like it or not.
I'm so alone...
...the way she'd bite her lip ring when she was watching tv, but she knew I was staring at her.
...the way her jaw would make small popping noises when we'd kiss.
...the goosebumps I gave her when I kissed her.
...falling asleep on the couch, holding her.
I miss those little things, so much. I really wish I had a second chance with her. She was a great girl. And I really hope she finds someone who can appreciate her as much as I did.
I realize I have to move on, and that's what I'm doing now. But without writing some of these things down, they will only build up. I want to call her so much, but what would I say? What would she say? I know the best way to get over her, is to forget her, is to leave her alone. She has a few of my things, and I want them back, but do I really want to see her face one more time just for those petty items? Or should my severance of them be a forever reminder of where we left off?
She's so beautiful...she's smart....she's so funny....she's so perfect....she's so....what I want.
Then I speak to the other girl....who so wonderfully reflects her....the one who actually does show some form of mutual affection...
Should I invest my time on her? Or is it just a silly fantasy that will never be realized? Who knows...
Maybe I should just stop trying to be with someone.
Maybe it's my fate to be alone right now. Maybe it's what I need, whether I like it or not.
I'm so alone...