pissed off
so last night i had my first anxiety attack. it was so retarded. i stayed home from yakima for ryans birthday, 18th!
so i went over to his house for most of the day. there were a lot of
people there that i hadnt really hung out with in a while. i got to see
rudy and collin and aaron and adam and other people too. i brought ryan
the graduation pic i
did for him. and we all just kinda hung out in the backyard and ate the
massive amount of food they had there. i wish i was hungry haha damn breakfast burrito.anyways so we're all just sitting around talking and someone brings up spencer and that whole issue, im so fed up with that bullshit. people will like ask me what happened and i dont know what the fuck to say because i still have no idea what
happened. so i got a little frustrated. ok i got really frustrated.
thats when the anxiety kicked in. lol. i dont know what my problem is.
apparently i scare guys away because i dont open up.
well i was thinking and fuck that shit, i do too open up. i can talk to
people. haha especially ryans mom i dont know what is it with her that
is so comforting but ive never had a problem talking to her. anyways so drew dropped me off at home around 8ish and they were off to see charlie and the chocolate factory then strip clubs and partyin.
everyone told me i should go out and get rid of my anxiety but i had
nothing to do and i was fine staying home for the night, so i did.
thats when i freaked out, u know the feeling when you want to cry
and throw up at the same time and just feel like shit. plus shaking
really badly. well thats about what it was like. then the other ryan
called me and calmed me down. and i finally got around to eating
something solid. since about 9 that morning. so i sat on the phone
trying to calm down for about an hour, haha poor ryan. aparently i "dont shut up" yea thanks slut. watched murder by numbers
and was completely calm by the time it was over. so we decided we're
hanging out on tuesday and going to mikes to be lazy all day. yay for orgy naps. anyways ive already said too much. i hope you all have a great day.