What has been going on...
I've been pretty busy lately, and right now I'm not so I guess I'll write a bit.
For those that don't know, my grandfather passed away last month. He is the first person to pass away that has been close to me since the death of my grandmother and aunt when I was six. I didn't really remember the feeling of losing a loved one, but its now fresh in my mind.
What really got to me was that I didn't get to see him before he died. It had been a year since I had seen him and I was going to go to Taiwan soon but then he passed away before I got there. In my mind, I could just see things going differently. If I had gone in the winter time or if I had an earlier plane ride there..I just wish I had gotten to see him. I still just want to see him and talk to him. My last moment with him was almost two years ago now. He was laying in bed in the guest room downstairs and I was holding his hand. He had asked me when I was going to go back to taiwan to visit him, and I told him sometime soon. I never got to visit him.
When my mom told me he had passed away, it was around 2:30am. I didn't really feel anything, I guess reality didn't sink in at all. But as I entered his home the day I arrived in Taiwan and saw the offering table up and the white curtain behind it concealing his coffin, emotions were stirred. It was hard praying with the incense the first time, but I held it together. But then i was told I'd be sleeping in his old room since there were no rooms left. As I walked into the room, I noticed his bed was gone and was replaced by two different mattresses. I then walked into his closet and saw all his shirts and shoes. I saw hats and pants and all the clothes he used to wear. I don't know how long I was in there, all I know is that it was difficult and I had let my strength go. Even thinking about it now is difficult.
The next few days were a mixture of good times and some of the saddest moments in my life. I got to see a lot of my cousins who I haven't seen in awhile and hung out with them. It's always nice to be with family, it just sucks that the first time we're together in a long time is because of a funeral.
The funeral itself was hard physically and mentally. I wont bore anyone with the details, but it was the last farewell before the cremation for all of my family. It was at that moment, when the coffin was brought out towards the end of the ceremony, that I realized my grandfather was gone.
We then brought the ashes to the family shrine on this mountain, and put him in the vault along with my grandmother, aunt, and ancestors.
I wish I could see him and talk to him again. It's funny how you want something so much when its gone. All I want is to give him a hug and tell him I miss him and love him. But I'll just have to wait till I can see him again.
For those that don't know, my grandfather passed away last month. He is the first person to pass away that has been close to me since the death of my grandmother and aunt when I was six. I didn't really remember the feeling of losing a loved one, but its now fresh in my mind.
What really got to me was that I didn't get to see him before he died. It had been a year since I had seen him and I was going to go to Taiwan soon but then he passed away before I got there. In my mind, I could just see things going differently. If I had gone in the winter time or if I had an earlier plane ride there..I just wish I had gotten to see him. I still just want to see him and talk to him. My last moment with him was almost two years ago now. He was laying in bed in the guest room downstairs and I was holding his hand. He had asked me when I was going to go back to taiwan to visit him, and I told him sometime soon. I never got to visit him.
When my mom told me he had passed away, it was around 2:30am. I didn't really feel anything, I guess reality didn't sink in at all. But as I entered his home the day I arrived in Taiwan and saw the offering table up and the white curtain behind it concealing his coffin, emotions were stirred. It was hard praying with the incense the first time, but I held it together. But then i was told I'd be sleeping in his old room since there were no rooms left. As I walked into the room, I noticed his bed was gone and was replaced by two different mattresses. I then walked into his closet and saw all his shirts and shoes. I saw hats and pants and all the clothes he used to wear. I don't know how long I was in there, all I know is that it was difficult and I had let my strength go. Even thinking about it now is difficult.
The next few days were a mixture of good times and some of the saddest moments in my life. I got to see a lot of my cousins who I haven't seen in awhile and hung out with them. It's always nice to be with family, it just sucks that the first time we're together in a long time is because of a funeral.
The funeral itself was hard physically and mentally. I wont bore anyone with the details, but it was the last farewell before the cremation for all of my family. It was at that moment, when the coffin was brought out towards the end of the ceremony, that I realized my grandfather was gone.
We then brought the ashes to the family shrine on this mountain, and put him in the vault along with my grandmother, aunt, and ancestors.
I wish I could see him and talk to him again. It's funny how you want something so much when its gone. All I want is to give him a hug and tell him I miss him and love him. But I'll just have to wait till I can see him again.