when i close my eyes i see hell turn to ice, starving little children feeding on the rats and mice
i sometimes wonder how many people are actually happy with themselves. Like truely happy with themselves, i respect and envy those people, even very laid back and likable people are self concious. i dont know. Everything has been so crazy. Like never been this crazy before probably, or atleast not in a long time, so much at once just exploading right in ur face. There has been so many things going on in my head and driving me entirely crazy that now i dont even think about it, i just say fuck it. When there isnt anything that you can do about something you dont like, then why beat yourself up over it?, just say fuck it. But i mean, i dunno, lets see. Since school let out, lets see i havent talked to ALOT of people i used to talk to on a regular basis, but thats how it goes, like i ssaid before, my lip, and my hair now, old settlers, a good friend went to jail, and will soon be going to prison, i have been accused of things that arent true at all, i wont get into it but its over with for now and it doesnt bother me like it did because i know whats real and what isnt so i will never let anyone else ever make me think other wise ever again, stopped thinkin about stupid fucking suicide, blah, i dunno. Its like u take one thing, and u blow it way outta porportion. Like u hold on to everything, and if one thing changes u panic, and ur like i dont even want to live anymore, dont let anyone, or anything take more control over your feelings and your life than you do. because its so stupid. I mean its very very hard, but it complicates things a little bit less. You cant rely on anyone. im not being a cynical ass, im telling the truth, sumtimes u can, but let that be a pleasant and nice surpise. Dont rely on other people, because then u will always rely on them and they wont always be there. expect the unexpected without being paranoid and hope for the best and expect the worst. I know that sounds really bad and that itself is hard to do without seeming like a paranoid creep but it can be done. Just dont hold onto everything with such a death grip, lifes to fucking short. So enjoy it while you have it. I really dont know what else i could say. just dont rely, and dont become dependant, people wont always be there for you, if u want things to be done, if u want anything, its on you, not anybody else, so if your going to rely on somebody else for everything than u might as well just kill yourself now. because ur either useless or ur going to do it eventually anyway because someone is going to break ur heart or fuck u over or leave you. Majority of people need to just chill, they need to just fucking relax, and thats basically it right there. I dont know, im tired, im talkin crazy, im fuckin bored, Everybody fucking take care, and if anyone has a problem with me or hates me, i want to let you know that i dont hate you or anyone, i just want you to leave me the hell alone, thats why i last out, im a fuckin hermit, so i dunno, I LOVE MY PEOPLE, and i know you know who you are, im out like rosie is from the closet, PEACE