(no subject)
There is no content. Everything is feelings and pain, and this stupid black-gray mush, which upon consideration, has haunted me since.. puberty.
Nothing even happened, my moodiness is simply caused by pleasantries and loneliness. The pleasantries, see, make you think that your loneliness is either over, soon will be, or already is. But this is too vague. Socializing and shit. Attending events loosely required of me. They are making me depressed. And I can't figure out why. I was happy yesterday, taking notes, Everyone was warm and filled with purpose, as the guy, the panel, whoever up front was talking. And as soon as I left I got sad. And as soon as I got to the after party I didn't want to be there. But I stayed.
It feels, to reiterate "feels" like my insides have repeatedly been scraped out and are mouldering and mushy and rotting and are sitting there and not being scraped out and being scraped out at the same time. Everything is incredibly normal and possible and terrible. But I want it to be good.
But I hope you are doing well, whoever you are, with whatever it is that you're doing or aspire to do. Plans, laid, mice, men. That sort of thing.
Nothing even happened, my moodiness is simply caused by pleasantries and loneliness. The pleasantries, see, make you think that your loneliness is either over, soon will be, or already is. But this is too vague. Socializing and shit. Attending events loosely required of me. They are making me depressed. And I can't figure out why. I was happy yesterday, taking notes, Everyone was warm and filled with purpose, as the guy, the panel, whoever up front was talking. And as soon as I left I got sad. And as soon as I got to the after party I didn't want to be there. But I stayed.
It feels, to reiterate "feels" like my insides have repeatedly been scraped out and are mouldering and mushy and rotting and are sitting there and not being scraped out and being scraped out at the same time. Everything is incredibly normal and possible and terrible. But I want it to be good.
But I hope you are doing well, whoever you are, with whatever it is that you're doing or aspire to do. Plans, laid, mice, men. That sort of thing.