when did i become me?
who am i? i dont know who i am anymore and i know my friends dont thats for sure. but my friends have all but forgotten about me so maybe i should forget about them? but i dont know that just doesnt seem like the right thing to do. last night was fun after i got off work i went to jacks and we played scene it (which is an awesome game) it caused happiness for awhile. i got home at like 4:30 in the moring and slept til noon then woke up and called mandy which caused sadness and you know why mandy but oh well like i said my friends are slowly forgetting the real me and the real me is slowly fading into nothingness but what can i do about that? probably nothing its the shit that life has decided to throw into my face this time so ill deal with it the best way i know how....alone. i dont kow why but i wanted to crawl into my bed and die today it just seemed like a good thing to do for some reason. i wish life wasnt so hard and i wish my heart would heal from very old wounds. i feel numb to the world and to my friends. i dont know when life became so hard but i would guess somewhere between high school graduation and the next day. i wish i could invent a machine to fix a broken heart, that would be a miracle. but no life is a bitch and will continue to be til the day i die (or the day these wounds heal at least) i almost walked out of work today because yeah like i said i just wanted to curl into a ball in my bed and die. dont get me wrong im thankful for the job i jsut hate all the stress that has come into my life since grad. night. why is it people never know they have a good thing til its gone. is it because people are stupid and they take for granted what they have and think that it will always be there. cause i think thats what happened to me. why cant life be easy like it is in the movies? why is love such a complicated thing. i dont think anyone will ever know the answer to that question but id like to hear your ideas. i know im sounding emo again but i cant help how i feel right? or can i? maybe fi i hide my true feelings from everybody ill be the only one who gets hurt. but is that fair to me? probably not but its not new to me either. i continue to pretend jsut so my friends are happy. i really wish life wouldnt be so hard. and i know im not the only one that is going through this but i also know that each story depends on the factors that fate decides to throw in your path. i guess life is like walking down a dark path and being blind at the same time. maybe if i were a superhero tings would be easier, but i might as well be a superhero trying to hide his identity. oh well maybe if i put glasses on nobody will know who i am. i really do wish things were that easy unfortunatly things arent and life in general is hard but easy at the same time. i know these wounds will eventually heal but its taking too long for an impatient person like me. i wish i could be excited for everybody but the truth is i dotn really know if i care about their lives anymore. thats a lie i do care its just that none of theme care about mine anymore. i wish i didnt have to live by a false hope but everyone needs hope even if it is not real. you see hope is what keeps people going otherwise everyone would be comitting suicide and leaving this cold cruel world.....but no hope keeps the world going around (only second to duct tape) so i guess what im saying is ill continue to hope and to pretend as long as it makes them happy