Hide behind your heart
Sometimes i want to find someone with a big heart and hide behind that heart. Let them be the strong person...let myself be the person i need to be but seldom get to be. Let myself cry...even if i don't know why...let them hold me and comfort me. To allow myself to be broken would be amazing. Yet there is no such person in view so i maintain the front. i will be strong...the rock solid one...the one that makes everything seem like it will be better. The one that only laughs at life. HAHA. If only they knew that the one they think is so stinkin strong falls to pieces on the inside and sinks to the deepest depths when no one is looking. I am ready to heal...but i know in order to heal i have to be real...i have to face the things that scare me i have to be vulnerable...that word makes me cringe and lock my jaw. It is the least of my favorite things to do. I must do it. Things need to be right. I can't have what is real until i become real. Vulnerable. Real vulnerable.
Today work wasn't too bad. I have no idea why i signed up for 9Am bartending classes...it took a miracle to get to work in time today and i didn't have to get up until ten...why do i love to sleep in? because it is my way of hiding from the new day.
~Side note my boss didn't make any moves on me today...sigh of relief...yet still i feel pretty weird around her...this will go away eventually i am almost sure.
Today work wasn't too bad. I have no idea why i signed up for 9Am bartending classes...it took a miracle to get to work in time today and i didn't have to get up until ten...why do i love to sleep in? because it is my way of hiding from the new day.
~Side note my boss didn't make any moves on me today...sigh of relief...yet still i feel pretty weird around her...this will go away eventually i am almost sure.