I should probably be studying for the GRE right now.
Yeah, I signed up to take that one too, because I figure your scores stay valid for a year or two I might as well take it before all the knowledge in my head atrophies. But still, more standardized testing, why. :(
But first, Round 1 of the Interview Meme that goes around every so often. Just in case you don't know the rules:
1. You comment on this entry.
2. I ask you five questions.
3. You answer those five questions in a post on your journal.
4. When people comment on that entry, you ask them five questions.
5. They answer those five questions in a post on their journal.
6. When people comment on that post, they ask them-- et cetera et cetera ad infinitum.
kayliemalinza asked me these:
1. Do your fandoms have a common denominator, or do you love them all for different reasons?
I'm not sure. There are a couple of common trends in the things I become fannish about, but then there'll be another show, movie, or 'verse with those properties that I'm not fannish about. I tend to like series that show us little slices of a bigger, more elaborate universe that can then be expanded upon in fanworks, for example the huge, sprawling Whoniverse or even, when I was a kid, the Digimon universe - but then I was never able to get fannishly into Star Wars and don't really write for Star Trek the way I thought I was going to, and I'm fannish about crime dramas set in the real world or some approximation thereof. I like series with nonhuman or non-normate human characters - but, again, not fannishly into Star Wars and its huge alien population, and I find it harder to write about non-normate human characters in my crime dramas - I never had a good Bobby Goren voice, for example.
There are four common threads that I've found among my fandoms, which might serve as a barometer for whether or not I'll get into something, but the presence of any of these is no guarantee that a show will hook me:
1. A lackadaisical approach to what is and isn't canon if there's a wider universe. Of the science-fiction or fantasy fandoms I've gotten into, all tend to have that wider, sprawling universe I mentioned - but they also tend to have multiple continuities that occasionally overlap or spiral off in different directions, and the approach that the writers take to what is and isn't canon is to shrug and say "Everything is canon and nothing is canon". Which I think is part of the reason that I could never get into Star Wars or Marvel/DC comics (not for lack of trying on the latter) - not only are there multiple continuities, but there are specific rules and guidelines as to what did and did not "really" happen, rules that by implication I'd have to remember and I just don't know if I have that much space in my head. Yes, I'm aware that an AU label or an author's note that I'm only aware of/using X canon would solve all that, but hush.
2. TV, video game, or movie. I've never been able to write fic or be fannish for books I like or admire because I'm still stuck in the mindset that books are an inherently superior medium of some sort and I, as a young amateur writer, have no place questioning a published author or interfering with what they've constructed. I'm not good enough to play in their sandbox, put simply. Weird-ass anxiety issues aside, there's also the problem of medium - because fanfic is written, I have a harder time writing it for a work that shares that medium. There aren't the inherent gaps to fill that there are in visual media, there aren't the scenes and thoughts and spaces in between that visual media physically cannot portray - those are all already there in the text. There's not much left for me to do.
3. Strong interspecies or intergenerational friendships. I'm not sure what it is that appeals to me so much about a partnership between characters with vastly different life experiences, or between one offbeat or different character and one character with a more standard worldview or life experience, but that kind of relationship offers so many opportunities for the kind of banter and rich character interaction that I love. It allows for a kind of push-and-pull in conversation that's fun to listen to and write, and it allows me not only to cut loose with one character and allow the conversation to flow naturally in reaction, but it also allows the more "normal" character to display their own quirks and eccentricities because they're not regulated by the pressure of normalcy when they're around the more kooky character.
That's one of the reasons I like Doctor Who so much - it's as much about the Doctor as it is about his human companions and how they interact with one another, how they make each other grow - and why TFA was the Transformers series that hooked me - Sari and her relationship with the Autobots is a crucial part of the story.
4. Male characters who fall outside of social norms. Once again due to my own neuroses, I have a hard time writing guys because I haven't experienced the social codes that surround male behavior the way I have the rules regarding femininity, and as such, it's harder for me to puzzle out not only how guys are and aren't "permitted" to behave, but especially in regard to historical fandoms how much of a character's behavior is in their personality and how much of it is in social code. That's one of the reasons that, despite loving the Hornblower TV series, I've never been able to write for it - not only do I have to memorize the rules of polite society I'd have to puzzle out how each character follows those rules, when a character's behavior is their own personal response and when it's all predetermined social code. I find it much easier to write characters who either don't pay attention to or don't know about human societal expectations, whether because they don't care or because they're a different species, because then I can just write them as I "hear" them without worrying about whether having someone on fanficrants complain that I'm making a male character into a "teenage girl" because obviously men can never ever be less than manly and being feminine is Bad Bad Bad ugh, sorry, another rant for another day.
But those are the only commonalities that I can think of.
2. Narrate a day in your dog's life. Maybe with pictures?
My day starts in the morning, when I have to wake up Mommy and Daddy. Mommy and Daddy sleep so much that they wouldn't even remember what time breakfast was if I didn't remind them every morning!
After Mommy and Daddy give me breakfast it's time to head to the landing for my early morning nap.
And then I survey my domain and look majestic for a bit...
...before starting on my midmorning nap.
Then the family eats their lunch, but they don't give me any because they're big meanies, so I have to look around the room to see if they left me any crumbs.
And then it's time for my early afternoon nap.
Then Brother comes home from school, so it's time to get up! And time to go outside!
And come back inside!
And then do it all over again!
Sometimes I play with Sister. Brother doesn't usually play because he's no fun.
After that usually everyone goes upstairs, so I take my midafternoon nap upstairs to keep them company.
And then by the time my midafternoon/late afternoon nap is over it's time for dinner. I try to sneak some human food, but Mommy usually sees me, so instead I sit in the corner and look cute in the hopes that someone will feel sorry for me and give me bits of delicious human food.
Sometimes if I hang out by the ice machine Sister will give me ice. She's kind of a pushover.
After dinner it's time for my late evening nap on the landing...
And then it's time for bed!
3. What is your favorite body part (either on your body or other people's)?
I'm...not really sure. I really, really like hair, especially curly, wavy, or textured hair, which is one of the reasons why I don't find too many Designated Hollywood Studmuffins all that attractive - these days they tend to either have buzz-cuts or boring short hair. I like hair with some texture and character, hair you can play with and feel.
I also really like wrists. I love that little slender point between the wider arm and hand, the little bit of delicacy and fragility that it lends to the body, even to a very physically imposing body. I love how small and intricate it is, and how the one little bone protrudes from it. Plus, on long-sleeved clothing or particularly buttoned-up characters, the peek of a wrist from underneath a sleeve can be a little revealing touch, a hint of unguardedness. Also, on a completely shallow note, wrists are good for grasping, holding, even pinning if you're so inclined.
Oh, and calves. I love calves too. I love their elliptical, irregular shape and how they're straight-ish in the front and curved in the back. I love the shapes they make from different angles. I love the way they end in the ankles and the feet, the angle that you get there. I especially like the way calves look in high-heeled shoes, the tightness of the shape that results, which is why for all my feminism I can't bring myself to condemn high heels. Speaking of shallowness.
4. What is your relationship to your religion? (This can be as vague or as detailed as you like.)
Um. Complicated. A lot.
I still consider myself Catholic, despite not attending Church too frequently. I still believe in God, Jesus, the Trinity, all that; I try my best to do the whole "love your neighbor" thing and not be too attached to material things, though I'm not really all that good at it; I believe that as a creation I have a duty to service and to give of myself to others, whether in my job or via volunteer work. It's one of the reasons it's so important to me that my work be in the nonprofit or service sector, especially in the medical or legal field. Part of it's that I was raised Catholic, so it's a difficult worldview for me to reject, but after some self-searching I really do think I want to continue to abide by that dictum of service and love for others.
However, a big part of institutional Catholicism is "follow the Vatican's rules", and there are many occasions on which I do not agree with not only the Vatican but other levels of the Church authority. Aside from the obvious (the homophobia, the anti-abortion stance, the ban on birth control), there's also the Vatican's stance on genetic manipulation (i.e. forbidding it), which I strongly object to. Besides the fact that human beings have been selectively breeding and thus genetically modifying plants and animals since the foundation of agriculture (and thus, if it is that objectionable, we're already irrevocably boned), but there is so much good that can be done in the field of medicine, public health, and agriculture with synthetic organisms or modified cells. Certainly there are huge ethical concerns with human genetic modification, and those need to be thought through and addressed, and I really can't object if the Church wants to draw some lines in human genetic modification, but how does it damage the integrity of human life if we can create microbes that detect and kill tumors? Isn't that good?
Furthermore, with recent political events I've found myself distancing myself from the Church as an institution because the actions of some of the Church higher-ups, both with regard to the charges of child abuse and with regards to questions of race, sexuality, and gender have made me ashamed and angry. The Church, it seems, has grown more and more willing to condone hate, exclusion, violence, and abuse by turning a blind eye to it, and to see a faith that I consider myself a part of used to perpetuate the abuse of children, used to denounce laws that would allow fellow human beings to be safer from hate and bigotry, disgusts and horrifies me. This is wrong, and if that is what I have to condone to call myself a Catholic - I can't. This is not the faith I was raised in, this is not the faith I chose to follow.
On a much more personal and selfish note, going to Church at all tends to set off anxious or depressive episodes because my own persistent belief that I'm not good enough gets magnified while in Church. Particularly when Scripture readings bring up "Be perfect as your Father in Heaven is perfect" or "For he who loves his life in this world shall lose it, and he who hates his life in this world shall find eternal life with the Father" or readings like that, because it reminds me of not only the inadequacy of my own efforts (if I was told to leave my family and friends and livelihood behind to follow Jesus, as the Apostles were, I really don't think I could; I don't have that strong a faith) but of the points with which I disagree - I don't understand why we're supposed to hate and reject our lives here, why it's so wrong to want to have a life and live it and try to do good for others while you're living it, and I can't live up to those standards, I just can't. And then I invariably end up crying or getting upset, because at least if you feel like you're not good enough for your teachers or your parents you can call them up and have them reassure you; if you feel like you're not good enough for God then there's really not a lot you can do to make those feelings go away. So I tend not to go to Church when I'm on my own, even though I know I should, just to avoid those breakdowns.
...I've never actually put all this down in writing before.
5. Now that it's been a few weeks since you graduated, how has your view of Collegeland changed, if it has?
I'm definitely less generally aggravated with it, that helps. :D I think being out in the Real World for a while, especially while studying for the GREs, has emphasized to me that yes, Collegeland was hard, and that even if I barely squeaked by my last semester I still got a good education out of it. I tackled some really difficult material and opened up my mind, and real life? Is probably not going to be that hard after that. Not a whole lot of books out there are going to be as mind-bending as Secret Rendezvous, for one thing. And most people will not ask me to deconstruct Western storytelling modes and analyze literature shorn of Western contexts. Damn but that was the hardest Freshman class in human history.
Also, as much as Collegeland was responsible for bringing my anxiety issues to the forefront, now that I've calmed down a bit I'm almost grateful it did. Because looking back I can kind of recognize the same trends of avoidant behavior and low self-worth throughout my high-school years, and at least now, with the help of my teachers and counselor, I've learned to catch myself when I'm having these thoughts and work towards being a more functional and healthy person. I haven't had to independently work through a crisis yet, so I'm not sure how well I'm really doing, but I feel like airing these issues and learning, at least a little, to face them was a real positive thing, and I'm grateful that I went to a school where I had the support network to do that.
Also, honestly? Since I graduated I've heard a lot from people who spent their college years partying or getting a degree they didn't really care about, and whenever I do I'm also sort of grateful that I had to work as hard as I did for my degree, and that there wasn't a single class I could drift through. It makes me feel a lot better about being able to handle the Real World.
So, yeah. Still feeling pretty good about it.
... ugh, and I still have GREs to study for. At least I have the excuse of having volunteer positions to interview for and stuff today, so it's not like I completely toodled around on the internet today.
AND NOW IT IS SLEEP TIME.
But first, Round 1 of the Interview Meme that goes around every so often. Just in case you don't know the rules:
1. You comment on this entry.
2. I ask you five questions.
3. You answer those five questions in a post on your journal.
4. When people comment on that entry, you ask them five questions.
5. They answer those five questions in a post on their journal.
6. When people comment on that post, they ask them-- et cetera et cetera ad infinitum.
kayliemalinza asked me these:
1. Do your fandoms have a common denominator, or do you love them all for different reasons?
I'm not sure. There are a couple of common trends in the things I become fannish about, but then there'll be another show, movie, or 'verse with those properties that I'm not fannish about. I tend to like series that show us little slices of a bigger, more elaborate universe that can then be expanded upon in fanworks, for example the huge, sprawling Whoniverse or even, when I was a kid, the Digimon universe - but then I was never able to get fannishly into Star Wars and don't really write for Star Trek the way I thought I was going to, and I'm fannish about crime dramas set in the real world or some approximation thereof. I like series with nonhuman or non-normate human characters - but, again, not fannishly into Star Wars and its huge alien population, and I find it harder to write about non-normate human characters in my crime dramas - I never had a good Bobby Goren voice, for example.
There are four common threads that I've found among my fandoms, which might serve as a barometer for whether or not I'll get into something, but the presence of any of these is no guarantee that a show will hook me:
1. A lackadaisical approach to what is and isn't canon if there's a wider universe. Of the science-fiction or fantasy fandoms I've gotten into, all tend to have that wider, sprawling universe I mentioned - but they also tend to have multiple continuities that occasionally overlap or spiral off in different directions, and the approach that the writers take to what is and isn't canon is to shrug and say "Everything is canon and nothing is canon". Which I think is part of the reason that I could never get into Star Wars or Marvel/DC comics (not for lack of trying on the latter) - not only are there multiple continuities, but there are specific rules and guidelines as to what did and did not "really" happen, rules that by implication I'd have to remember and I just don't know if I have that much space in my head. Yes, I'm aware that an AU label or an author's note that I'm only aware of/using X canon would solve all that, but hush.
2. TV, video game, or movie. I've never been able to write fic or be fannish for books I like or admire because I'm still stuck in the mindset that books are an inherently superior medium of some sort and I, as a young amateur writer, have no place questioning a published author or interfering with what they've constructed. I'm not good enough to play in their sandbox, put simply. Weird-ass anxiety issues aside, there's also the problem of medium - because fanfic is written, I have a harder time writing it for a work that shares that medium. There aren't the inherent gaps to fill that there are in visual media, there aren't the scenes and thoughts and spaces in between that visual media physically cannot portray - those are all already there in the text. There's not much left for me to do.
3. Strong interspecies or intergenerational friendships. I'm not sure what it is that appeals to me so much about a partnership between characters with vastly different life experiences, or between one offbeat or different character and one character with a more standard worldview or life experience, but that kind of relationship offers so many opportunities for the kind of banter and rich character interaction that I love. It allows for a kind of push-and-pull in conversation that's fun to listen to and write, and it allows me not only to cut loose with one character and allow the conversation to flow naturally in reaction, but it also allows the more "normal" character to display their own quirks and eccentricities because they're not regulated by the pressure of normalcy when they're around the more kooky character.
That's one of the reasons I like Doctor Who so much - it's as much about the Doctor as it is about his human companions and how they interact with one another, how they make each other grow - and why TFA was the Transformers series that hooked me - Sari and her relationship with the Autobots is a crucial part of the story.
4. Male characters who fall outside of social norms. Once again due to my own neuroses, I have a hard time writing guys because I haven't experienced the social codes that surround male behavior the way I have the rules regarding femininity, and as such, it's harder for me to puzzle out not only how guys are and aren't "permitted" to behave, but especially in regard to historical fandoms how much of a character's behavior is in their personality and how much of it is in social code. That's one of the reasons that, despite loving the Hornblower TV series, I've never been able to write for it - not only do I have to memorize the rules of polite society I'd have to puzzle out how each character follows those rules, when a character's behavior is their own personal response and when it's all predetermined social code. I find it much easier to write characters who either don't pay attention to or don't know about human societal expectations, whether because they don't care or because they're a different species, because then I can just write them as I "hear" them without worrying about whether having someone on fanficrants complain that I'm making a male character into a "teenage girl" because obviously men can never ever be less than manly and being feminine is Bad Bad Bad ugh, sorry, another rant for another day.
But those are the only commonalities that I can think of.
2. Narrate a day in your dog's life. Maybe with pictures?
My day starts in the morning, when I have to wake up Mommy and Daddy. Mommy and Daddy sleep so much that they wouldn't even remember what time breakfast was if I didn't remind them every morning!
After Mommy and Daddy give me breakfast it's time to head to the landing for my early morning nap.
And then I survey my domain and look majestic for a bit...
...before starting on my midmorning nap.
Then the family eats their lunch, but they don't give me any because they're big meanies, so I have to look around the room to see if they left me any crumbs.
And then it's time for my early afternoon nap.
Then Brother comes home from school, so it's time to get up! And time to go outside!
And come back inside!
And then do it all over again!
Sometimes I play with Sister. Brother doesn't usually play because he's no fun.
After that usually everyone goes upstairs, so I take my midafternoon nap upstairs to keep them company.
And then by the time my midafternoon/late afternoon nap is over it's time for dinner. I try to sneak some human food, but Mommy usually sees me, so instead I sit in the corner and look cute in the hopes that someone will feel sorry for me and give me bits of delicious human food.
Sometimes if I hang out by the ice machine Sister will give me ice. She's kind of a pushover.
After dinner it's time for my late evening nap on the landing...
And then it's time for bed!
3. What is your favorite body part (either on your body or other people's)?
I'm...not really sure. I really, really like hair, especially curly, wavy, or textured hair, which is one of the reasons why I don't find too many Designated Hollywood Studmuffins all that attractive - these days they tend to either have buzz-cuts or boring short hair. I like hair with some texture and character, hair you can play with and feel.
I also really like wrists. I love that little slender point between the wider arm and hand, the little bit of delicacy and fragility that it lends to the body, even to a very physically imposing body. I love how small and intricate it is, and how the one little bone protrudes from it. Plus, on long-sleeved clothing or particularly buttoned-up characters, the peek of a wrist from underneath a sleeve can be a little revealing touch, a hint of unguardedness. Also, on a completely shallow note, wrists are good for grasping, holding, even pinning if you're so inclined.
Oh, and calves. I love calves too. I love their elliptical, irregular shape and how they're straight-ish in the front and curved in the back. I love the shapes they make from different angles. I love the way they end in the ankles and the feet, the angle that you get there. I especially like the way calves look in high-heeled shoes, the tightness of the shape that results, which is why for all my feminism I can't bring myself to condemn high heels. Speaking of shallowness.
4. What is your relationship to your religion? (This can be as vague or as detailed as you like.)
Um. Complicated. A lot.
I still consider myself Catholic, despite not attending Church too frequently. I still believe in God, Jesus, the Trinity, all that; I try my best to do the whole "love your neighbor" thing and not be too attached to material things, though I'm not really all that good at it; I believe that as a creation I have a duty to service and to give of myself to others, whether in my job or via volunteer work. It's one of the reasons it's so important to me that my work be in the nonprofit or service sector, especially in the medical or legal field. Part of it's that I was raised Catholic, so it's a difficult worldview for me to reject, but after some self-searching I really do think I want to continue to abide by that dictum of service and love for others.
However, a big part of institutional Catholicism is "follow the Vatican's rules", and there are many occasions on which I do not agree with not only the Vatican but other levels of the Church authority. Aside from the obvious (the homophobia, the anti-abortion stance, the ban on birth control), there's also the Vatican's stance on genetic manipulation (i.e. forbidding it), which I strongly object to. Besides the fact that human beings have been selectively breeding and thus genetically modifying plants and animals since the foundation of agriculture (and thus, if it is that objectionable, we're already irrevocably boned), but there is so much good that can be done in the field of medicine, public health, and agriculture with synthetic organisms or modified cells. Certainly there are huge ethical concerns with human genetic modification, and those need to be thought through and addressed, and I really can't object if the Church wants to draw some lines in human genetic modification, but how does it damage the integrity of human life if we can create microbes that detect and kill tumors? Isn't that good?
Furthermore, with recent political events I've found myself distancing myself from the Church as an institution because the actions of some of the Church higher-ups, both with regard to the charges of child abuse and with regards to questions of race, sexuality, and gender have made me ashamed and angry. The Church, it seems, has grown more and more willing to condone hate, exclusion, violence, and abuse by turning a blind eye to it, and to see a faith that I consider myself a part of used to perpetuate the abuse of children, used to denounce laws that would allow fellow human beings to be safer from hate and bigotry, disgusts and horrifies me. This is wrong, and if that is what I have to condone to call myself a Catholic - I can't. This is not the faith I was raised in, this is not the faith I chose to follow.
On a much more personal and selfish note, going to Church at all tends to set off anxious or depressive episodes because my own persistent belief that I'm not good enough gets magnified while in Church. Particularly when Scripture readings bring up "Be perfect as your Father in Heaven is perfect" or "For he who loves his life in this world shall lose it, and he who hates his life in this world shall find eternal life with the Father" or readings like that, because it reminds me of not only the inadequacy of my own efforts (if I was told to leave my family and friends and livelihood behind to follow Jesus, as the Apostles were, I really don't think I could; I don't have that strong a faith) but of the points with which I disagree - I don't understand why we're supposed to hate and reject our lives here, why it's so wrong to want to have a life and live it and try to do good for others while you're living it, and I can't live up to those standards, I just can't. And then I invariably end up crying or getting upset, because at least if you feel like you're not good enough for your teachers or your parents you can call them up and have them reassure you; if you feel like you're not good enough for God then there's really not a lot you can do to make those feelings go away. So I tend not to go to Church when I'm on my own, even though I know I should, just to avoid those breakdowns.
...I've never actually put all this down in writing before.
5. Now that it's been a few weeks since you graduated, how has your view of Collegeland changed, if it has?
I'm definitely less generally aggravated with it, that helps. :D I think being out in the Real World for a while, especially while studying for the GREs, has emphasized to me that yes, Collegeland was hard, and that even if I barely squeaked by my last semester I still got a good education out of it. I tackled some really difficult material and opened up my mind, and real life? Is probably not going to be that hard after that. Not a whole lot of books out there are going to be as mind-bending as Secret Rendezvous, for one thing. And most people will not ask me to deconstruct Western storytelling modes and analyze literature shorn of Western contexts. Damn but that was the hardest Freshman class in human history.
Also, as much as Collegeland was responsible for bringing my anxiety issues to the forefront, now that I've calmed down a bit I'm almost grateful it did. Because looking back I can kind of recognize the same trends of avoidant behavior and low self-worth throughout my high-school years, and at least now, with the help of my teachers and counselor, I've learned to catch myself when I'm having these thoughts and work towards being a more functional and healthy person. I haven't had to independently work through a crisis yet, so I'm not sure how well I'm really doing, but I feel like airing these issues and learning, at least a little, to face them was a real positive thing, and I'm grateful that I went to a school where I had the support network to do that.
Also, honestly? Since I graduated I've heard a lot from people who spent their college years partying or getting a degree they didn't really care about, and whenever I do I'm also sort of grateful that I had to work as hard as I did for my degree, and that there wasn't a single class I could drift through. It makes me feel a lot better about being able to handle the Real World.
So, yeah. Still feeling pretty good about it.
... ugh, and I still have GREs to study for. At least I have the excuse of having volunteer positions to interview for and stuff today, so it's not like I completely toodled around on the internet today.
AND NOW IT IS SLEEP TIME.