(no subject)
when I start writing an lj everyday you know something is up. just bare with me, I know I'm insane but there's a reason for it.
runs in the family? I don't know..
lol
alright, so I've come to a conclusion that if I don't change my ways I'm surely to die of something heart related when I get older. better to change now when I'm young. I'm done. I'm so done taking things seriously. taking everything to heart. overreacting, and getting so mad or sad that I can't even deal with it. I'll count to ten or something I have no fucking idea how I'm going to do it but I'm so over this. basically everyone has things or people that matter to them above everything else, right now, what I find importance in are my dogs, my happiness, my well-being, and.. that's basically it. I can do without everything else but that doesn't mean I will. now unless my dogs are dying or I'm sick I'm not going to stress anything. this is it. I don't care what you think of me anymore, I don't care what you say about me, do what you want as I will.
I've been thinking a lot about what happened yesterday and how vanessa told me I'm a worthless piece of human that doesn't care about anything else but herself. thank you, that's a compliment :) If you want to go to africa and feed the helpless, GO FOR IT. knock yourself out. I'm not selfish.. I don't think I am. I'm giving. Now I'm not going to be feeding the world and giving them shelter and shit. I care.. but I don't think I should be held responsible for other people besides myself and the people that trully matter to me like my family. Don't tell me I don't care.. cause I do, really. little kids with diseases, I know it sucks. but I'm a kid. all I care is that I get fed everyday and I have somewhere to stay and that I get an amazing education so I can grow up and maintain myself and my family.
I've grown up in a rather toxic environment. not that my parents are bad people or a bad influence at all but they aren't perfect either. none of us are, I understand. now what I'm talking about is that we fight, we scream, we make this big deal about not talking to each other for a few days. we fuck with each other (I've been eating all the foods I hate for 2 days straight) and then one day someone just wakes up and forgets.. and acts like nothing happened. now the problem with this is that nothing was fixed, things are just left in the air. and I'm not a baby anymore. this process doesn't fly for me anymore, it's annoying and frustrating and you just build up anger and hate for no real reason.
honestly, even after everything, I feel... lucky as f**k. today I figured my parents are great. at least they actually care about me and my feelings. sure they might have crappy as hell attitudes but I love them, and if you don't then.. that is really hard to understand for me because they are the people that gave life to me. and if you love me, then you should love the people that created me. just a thought.
BUUUUUUUUT then again, we're all different and the beauty is we all think differently. SO whatever.
runs in the family? I don't know..
lol
alright, so I've come to a conclusion that if I don't change my ways I'm surely to die of something heart related when I get older. better to change now when I'm young. I'm done. I'm so done taking things seriously. taking everything to heart. overreacting, and getting so mad or sad that I can't even deal with it. I'll count to ten or something I have no fucking idea how I'm going to do it but I'm so over this. basically everyone has things or people that matter to them above everything else, right now, what I find importance in are my dogs, my happiness, my well-being, and.. that's basically it. I can do without everything else but that doesn't mean I will. now unless my dogs are dying or I'm sick I'm not going to stress anything. this is it. I don't care what you think of me anymore, I don't care what you say about me, do what you want as I will.
I've been thinking a lot about what happened yesterday and how vanessa told me I'm a worthless piece of human that doesn't care about anything else but herself. thank you, that's a compliment :) If you want to go to africa and feed the helpless, GO FOR IT. knock yourself out. I'm not selfish.. I don't think I am. I'm giving. Now I'm not going to be feeding the world and giving them shelter and shit. I care.. but I don't think I should be held responsible for other people besides myself and the people that trully matter to me like my family. Don't tell me I don't care.. cause I do, really. little kids with diseases, I know it sucks. but I'm a kid. all I care is that I get fed everyday and I have somewhere to stay and that I get an amazing education so I can grow up and maintain myself and my family.
I've grown up in a rather toxic environment. not that my parents are bad people or a bad influence at all but they aren't perfect either. none of us are, I understand. now what I'm talking about is that we fight, we scream, we make this big deal about not talking to each other for a few days. we fuck with each other (I've been eating all the foods I hate for 2 days straight) and then one day someone just wakes up and forgets.. and acts like nothing happened. now the problem with this is that nothing was fixed, things are just left in the air. and I'm not a baby anymore. this process doesn't fly for me anymore, it's annoying and frustrating and you just build up anger and hate for no real reason.
honestly, even after everything, I feel... lucky as f**k. today I figured my parents are great. at least they actually care about me and my feelings. sure they might have crappy as hell attitudes but I love them, and if you don't then.. that is really hard to understand for me because they are the people that gave life to me. and if you love me, then you should love the people that created me. just a thought.
BUUUUUUUUT then again, we're all different and the beauty is we all think differently. SO whatever.