(no subject)
Feeling...depressed? Not depressed, just angry, sad, frustrated. Just generally not happy. I don't have any confidence right now in anything that might make me happy.
I figured out today that it's just bad for me to look forward to things. I wrote down a list of things that have kicked me in the ass; things that I was looking forward to but turned out to disappoint me.
1. Aceing all my chemistry tests. I have even recieved a B on any of them.
2. Understanding my math. I thought I had it down. I hoped that I'd be able to understand it this year and I can't. I just can't. I've tried so hard.
3. Finally driving. I've waited 17 years to be able to drive and my driving instructor got a flat tire so we could't meet.
4. Recieving a real, "I love you" from that someone that I care so much for. He even said he didn't mean it the way I did.
5. A complete year with someone I care about other then my horn. He stopped that before we even reached the nine month mark.
6. Junior year in general. I was looking forward to it. So far I've just gotten in fights with my friends, gotten in trouble with my dad, broken up with my first love, failed every test, done nothing outstanding in my musical career like I've been able to do in years previous, and had panic attack one right after the other. That can't be to healthy.
Not to drag others down...but it's my journal. I can write about whatever I want.
I'm just going to have to try and refrain from looking forward to things.
Although Steve just called. He seems happy. Going to finish this post so I can actually pay attention to what we're talking about. Bye.
I figured out today that it's just bad for me to look forward to things. I wrote down a list of things that have kicked me in the ass; things that I was looking forward to but turned out to disappoint me.
1. Aceing all my chemistry tests. I have even recieved a B on any of them.
2. Understanding my math. I thought I had it down. I hoped that I'd be able to understand it this year and I can't. I just can't. I've tried so hard.
3. Finally driving. I've waited 17 years to be able to drive and my driving instructor got a flat tire so we could't meet.
4. Recieving a real, "I love you" from that someone that I care so much for. He even said he didn't mean it the way I did.
5. A complete year with someone I care about other then my horn. He stopped that before we even reached the nine month mark.
6. Junior year in general. I was looking forward to it. So far I've just gotten in fights with my friends, gotten in trouble with my dad, broken up with my first love, failed every test, done nothing outstanding in my musical career like I've been able to do in years previous, and had panic attack one right after the other. That can't be to healthy.
Not to drag others down...but it's my journal. I can write about whatever I want.
I'm just going to have to try and refrain from looking forward to things.
Although Steve just called. He seems happy. Going to finish this post so I can actually pay attention to what we're talking about. Bye.