(no subject)
FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCK
yesterday i was going to post something about how i feel good in spite of the election. how i feel invigorated by such a clear call to action and how being part of a righteous and informed minority affords me a certain pride... at the moment i don't really feel that way at all. instead i feel crushed under the weight of ever growing negatives in my life and my retarded gravity towards stupid desires. everyday i wake up and think:
i'm still not getting the grades i want.
i'm still not introducing myself to new social circles.
i have no idea what i want from the girls i'm dating / fucking.
i am such a fucking narcissist for working out.
i feel like i'm going to become dependent on pot.
i wonder why the fuck do i still care about her?
i have NO fucking clue how music is going to work it's way into my life.
i know am wasting my time making music a part of my life in spite of a lack of ability.
i am disgusted by how much time i waste on the computer.
i'm not smart or capable enough for where i am or i want to be.
speaking of which,
i got rejected from UofM and that just makes me want to collapse. honestly i am becoming so sick of the word "rejected" working it's way into my life. i look at myself and see myself distanced or alienated from the people, things and places i love. which is such a bullshit emo thing to say but right now i don't care to censor myself to avoid stereotypes. i just feel so defeated, let down and reeking of my mother's disgusting self pity that i'm going to vomit. i don't know how or if i'm going to get over this but i really hope there is some good news coming up in my life especially in my grades WHERE I CONTINUE TO FUCK UP. it sounds so desperate but i'd love just a little bit of good news or fortune. maybe finding a dollar in my jeans when i wash them? i juts wish i had some of the support i am afforded in plymouth. one and a half years here and i still don't feel it's my place.
god i bitch alot
to complete my transformation into my super dramatic brother/mother :
"GOD DAMNIT! i just want to beat the fuck out of someone! how could this week be any worse? what the fuck action can i take to make me deserving of the things i want for myself? what am i doing with my self?"
no time to talk further, have to go get molested by horny drunk idiots for money.
scott kane stukel
yesterday i was going to post something about how i feel good in spite of the election. how i feel invigorated by such a clear call to action and how being part of a righteous and informed minority affords me a certain pride... at the moment i don't really feel that way at all. instead i feel crushed under the weight of ever growing negatives in my life and my retarded gravity towards stupid desires. everyday i wake up and think:
i'm still not getting the grades i want.
i'm still not introducing myself to new social circles.
i have no idea what i want from the girls i'm dating / fucking.
i am such a fucking narcissist for working out.
i feel like i'm going to become dependent on pot.
i wonder why the fuck do i still care about her?
i have NO fucking clue how music is going to work it's way into my life.
i know am wasting my time making music a part of my life in spite of a lack of ability.
i am disgusted by how much time i waste on the computer.
i'm not smart or capable enough for where i am or i want to be.
speaking of which,
i got rejected from UofM and that just makes me want to collapse. honestly i am becoming so sick of the word "rejected" working it's way into my life. i look at myself and see myself distanced or alienated from the people, things and places i love. which is such a bullshit emo thing to say but right now i don't care to censor myself to avoid stereotypes. i just feel so defeated, let down and reeking of my mother's disgusting self pity that i'm going to vomit. i don't know how or if i'm going to get over this but i really hope there is some good news coming up in my life especially in my grades WHERE I CONTINUE TO FUCK UP. it sounds so desperate but i'd love just a little bit of good news or fortune. maybe finding a dollar in my jeans when i wash them? i juts wish i had some of the support i am afforded in plymouth. one and a half years here and i still don't feel it's my place.
god i bitch alot
to complete my transformation into my super dramatic brother/mother :
"GOD DAMNIT! i just want to beat the fuck out of someone! how could this week be any worse? what the fuck action can i take to make me deserving of the things i want for myself? what am i doing with my self?"
no time to talk further, have to go get molested by horny drunk idiots for money.
scott kane stukel