confessions
Normally I like fridays (i bet i will again tonight) but today is one of those crappy days where everything is a little bit sour and a little bit flat and i don't feel like being out and about in society and speaking to anyone all that much.
i woke up tired and grumpy and left for work in tears on a bad note with myu. and it was pretty much all my fault. i take all my bad moods out on him simply because i can get away with it. isn't that horrible?! i feel so awful about it and yet i can't help it at the time cuz i'm in a completely psycho state when i get upset about something. i take every little thing that's wrong and snowball it into a big fiery rage. it ended up being cuz i needed painkillers and accused him of "eating them all" but it was more about being stressed out about not being able to find anything and not wanting to go to work cuz i felt like shit. i ended up storming off in tears feeling like there was no way i'd be able to do my job today. i feel like such a loser bogan! i really frustrate myself sometimes.
i guess it doesn't help that i'm on this stupid diet where i can only eat fruit all day and i have the worst period pain ever and it all feels kinda flat (X__X). but ah well, i survived the morning, even though every call has been extremely painful! it's like they've been stewing away in their own wrath all week just waiting to release it today on poor vulnerable me. but why today?! argh!
I'm feeling worse now after discovering http://grouphug.us
Should I feel guilty for reading this? I guess it's refreshing too, to see how we're all flawed. some stories are funny (especially the livejournal and myspace confessions - i knew everyone was evil!), some are gross, some are disturbing... it's a great idea though - if only we could always be so honest. i like to think i do a reasonably good job. though i do lie here and there to protect my privacy (not on here though -why is it that writing suff down tends to bring it out of most of us?) after reading everyone's stories i'm thinking I should fess up now, and am inspired to not bottle things up, but all I can really say is I'm glad to discover I'm not such a bad person after all! o(^-^)o maybe a little boring though! (>_<)
No real plans for the weekend. was supposed to go to a girl from work's pool party but i already made up an excuse so i don't have to go (she lives out in the middle of nowhere, only invited select people from work (mostly girls and supervisors - suck!) and excluded a lot of the guys here that i'm friends with, and i'd have to stay over and lose the entire weekend). a couple of months ago i was desperate to make new friends, but now that i've done that i can be picky again. (>_<) i need to have some time off after hanging out with these people all week, as cool as most of them may be. though i will still go to the pub with them after work (and try not to drink).
I hope I won't waste the time though. I need to think of new things to do! suggestions, anyone? (this should change when george comes back - she's full of crazy ideas)
right now i'm thinking...
* watch the tennis
* cook something really awesome
* chill in the pool
* get out of the house and do something i don't normally do... but what?
i feel so like everyone else lately (normal, perhaps?) i wish i could make my entries more exciting but then i'd have to make up crazy wild stories about hot passionate sex with hot passionate people and being stalked by a ninja or whatever's in the trash mags.
maybe i am also a loser like the grouphug people. woe!
awww myu just messaged me to let me know he was thinking about me. he is such a sweet guy. i can't believe how i treat him like shit sometimes and hold grudges for every wrong thing he's ever done and he just loves me unconditionally. that's the one area where we are so different and it just eats me up sometimes. it's not like i'm really horrible, but i wish i wasn't so stubborn and talked more about my emotions with him. i always say i'll do this and it doesn't change all that much. i guess i HAVE to or we'll keep fighting again and again. so, that's my plan for the weekend then.
* sort out psychological chaos and get life in gear (somehow...:P)
yosh!
i woke up tired and grumpy and left for work in tears on a bad note with myu. and it was pretty much all my fault. i take all my bad moods out on him simply because i can get away with it. isn't that horrible?! i feel so awful about it and yet i can't help it at the time cuz i'm in a completely psycho state when i get upset about something. i take every little thing that's wrong and snowball it into a big fiery rage. it ended up being cuz i needed painkillers and accused him of "eating them all" but it was more about being stressed out about not being able to find anything and not wanting to go to work cuz i felt like shit. i ended up storming off in tears feeling like there was no way i'd be able to do my job today. i feel like such a loser bogan! i really frustrate myself sometimes.
i guess it doesn't help that i'm on this stupid diet where i can only eat fruit all day and i have the worst period pain ever and it all feels kinda flat (X__X). but ah well, i survived the morning, even though every call has been extremely painful! it's like they've been stewing away in their own wrath all week just waiting to release it today on poor vulnerable me. but why today?! argh!
I'm feeling worse now after discovering http://grouphug.us
Should I feel guilty for reading this? I guess it's refreshing too, to see how we're all flawed. some stories are funny (especially the livejournal and myspace confessions - i knew everyone was evil!), some are gross, some are disturbing... it's a great idea though - if only we could always be so honest. i like to think i do a reasonably good job. though i do lie here and there to protect my privacy (not on here though -why is it that writing suff down tends to bring it out of most of us?) after reading everyone's stories i'm thinking I should fess up now, and am inspired to not bottle things up, but all I can really say is I'm glad to discover I'm not such a bad person after all! o(^-^)o maybe a little boring though! (>_<)
No real plans for the weekend. was supposed to go to a girl from work's pool party but i already made up an excuse so i don't have to go (she lives out in the middle of nowhere, only invited select people from work (mostly girls and supervisors - suck!) and excluded a lot of the guys here that i'm friends with, and i'd have to stay over and lose the entire weekend). a couple of months ago i was desperate to make new friends, but now that i've done that i can be picky again. (>_<) i need to have some time off after hanging out with these people all week, as cool as most of them may be. though i will still go to the pub with them after work (and try not to drink).
I hope I won't waste the time though. I need to think of new things to do! suggestions, anyone? (this should change when george comes back - she's full of crazy ideas)
right now i'm thinking...
* watch the tennis
* cook something really awesome
* chill in the pool
* get out of the house and do something i don't normally do... but what?
i feel so like everyone else lately (normal, perhaps?) i wish i could make my entries more exciting but then i'd have to make up crazy wild stories about hot passionate sex with hot passionate people and being stalked by a ninja or whatever's in the trash mags.
maybe i am also a loser like the grouphug people. woe!
awww myu just messaged me to let me know he was thinking about me. he is such a sweet guy. i can't believe how i treat him like shit sometimes and hold grudges for every wrong thing he's ever done and he just loves me unconditionally. that's the one area where we are so different and it just eats me up sometimes. it's not like i'm really horrible, but i wish i wasn't so stubborn and talked more about my emotions with him. i always say i'll do this and it doesn't change all that much. i guess i HAVE to or we'll keep fighting again and again. so, that's my plan for the weekend then.
* sort out psychological chaos and get life in gear (somehow...:P)
yosh!