*Sigh*
You know, I don't think anyone ever reads this anymore....but I don't care. I just really need someplace to write. Just let it go.
I am hurt. My heart hurts. I know that I seem to frequently find myself in this position. I don't know why. It's probably because I care. This time there is one significant difference though.
That is the fact that I trusted. I am finally at a point where I have learned how to trust. I just took a deep breath and let go of the control that I wanted to have and... I trusted.
Well, not so good cause I got hurt.
I held faith in someone I have known for many years. I held a flame up to him, ready to light his fire, help him on his path and on his way....and well...I guess I forgot that I don't control where that path goes. Not that I wanted to but...
Ultimately, he is going to go on a good path. I see it in his heart. I know where he needs and wants to go. I can see his future in his eyes when I look at him. I know it's strong, and I know it's beautiful.
I am just hoping that he chooses to stop running. He has run from just about everything in his life. I didn't really think that he would run from me...but why would I be any different from anyone else or anything in his life?
I feel as if I have been really hurt and betrayed. Communication with us was good and we were able to call each other out on our "shit" but then he fell into the classical abandonment pattern, and put me in a box with all the "others" that have hurt him. And he kept a secret from me.
It hurts. I know that I will get over it. But right now, I just need to hurt. I need to let the tears flow. I would have waited. I am patient. But I guess that's not really a choice for me.
What we shared together was amazing. Strong. Sexy as all hell. Beautiful. Handsome. Worldly. Out of this world. Intense. Scary. Enthralling. Magikal. Fun. Sad. Healing. I could go on...but it's gone now. He's gone. What's the point?
The shoe is now on the other foot for me. I have to say goodbye to someone so that they can continue to grow and become the amazing person that they need to be. It is usually my partners being the strong one for me, letting me go.
I thank them all.... again....right now for being my strength. My rocks. I love you all. And now....
I understand what it's like to love and let go.
*sigh* OUCH!!!!!!!!!
I am hurt. My heart hurts. I know that I seem to frequently find myself in this position. I don't know why. It's probably because I care. This time there is one significant difference though.
That is the fact that I trusted. I am finally at a point where I have learned how to trust. I just took a deep breath and let go of the control that I wanted to have and... I trusted.
Well, not so good cause I got hurt.
I held faith in someone I have known for many years. I held a flame up to him, ready to light his fire, help him on his path and on his way....and well...I guess I forgot that I don't control where that path goes. Not that I wanted to but...
Ultimately, he is going to go on a good path. I see it in his heart. I know where he needs and wants to go. I can see his future in his eyes when I look at him. I know it's strong, and I know it's beautiful.
I am just hoping that he chooses to stop running. He has run from just about everything in his life. I didn't really think that he would run from me...but why would I be any different from anyone else or anything in his life?
I feel as if I have been really hurt and betrayed. Communication with us was good and we were able to call each other out on our "shit" but then he fell into the classical abandonment pattern, and put me in a box with all the "others" that have hurt him. And he kept a secret from me.
It hurts. I know that I will get over it. But right now, I just need to hurt. I need to let the tears flow. I would have waited. I am patient. But I guess that's not really a choice for me.
What we shared together was amazing. Strong. Sexy as all hell. Beautiful. Handsome. Worldly. Out of this world. Intense. Scary. Enthralling. Magikal. Fun. Sad. Healing. I could go on...but it's gone now. He's gone. What's the point?
The shoe is now on the other foot for me. I have to say goodbye to someone so that they can continue to grow and become the amazing person that they need to be. It is usually my partners being the strong one for me, letting me go.
I thank them all.... again....right now for being my strength. My rocks. I love you all. And now....
I understand what it's like to love and let go.
*sigh* OUCH!!!!!!!!!