falling out
falling out with pretty much everything. everyone. but this time i knew it was coming. some didn't fall though, or fell with me. and two sheet of paper have never frightened me this much before in my life. an application to go to gana for a mission trip. i have to decide by the end of january.
so the dream keeps coming back, not while i'm sleeping though. just when i'm awake. it arrested me that much, i'm gonna have to deal with it and i don't really know what to do. just doesn't make sense.
3 and a half months.
i need a backrub. hardcore.
a schedule, a thank you note from someone i barely met, kyle and leah's picture, and not-as-empty-as-i-thought words pinned to the board in front of me. reminders of. tickets and passes to our shows, a few trading cards, some pins, and a mini cd. tokens of. a fortune from a memorable chinese dinner that goads me on to pursue love. decor of. and the seemingly infinite space to fill the board with hope for more words or tokens or memories. one day i'll complete this mural, dedicate it to years past. two years running now almost gone. two years crawling with less to hold on. preserve my memories in carbon copies hanging by nails, roughly strewn across cheap cork, bland and ignorant to anyone else. but this is me on a wall. on display for me.
fall out.
so the dream keeps coming back, not while i'm sleeping though. just when i'm awake. it arrested me that much, i'm gonna have to deal with it and i don't really know what to do. just doesn't make sense.
3 and a half months.
i need a backrub. hardcore.
a schedule, a thank you note from someone i barely met, kyle and leah's picture, and not-as-empty-as-i-thought words pinned to the board in front of me. reminders of. tickets and passes to our shows, a few trading cards, some pins, and a mini cd. tokens of. a fortune from a memorable chinese dinner that goads me on to pursue love. decor of. and the seemingly infinite space to fill the board with hope for more words or tokens or memories. one day i'll complete this mural, dedicate it to years past. two years running now almost gone. two years crawling with less to hold on. preserve my memories in carbon copies hanging by nails, roughly strewn across cheap cork, bland and ignorant to anyone else. but this is me on a wall. on display for me.
fall out.