driving again

[stuffy03]

i spent another hour in my car tonight, just driving around town because i couldn't think of anything else to do. where did i go? walmart, i think an orphanage, a few dead end streets, and walmart again. where i stayed for a good half an hour and wrote in my journal. where i was undisturbed. undistracted. and quiet. ups and downs, man. that's just how it is and i heard once that the people that grow the most are the ones who are constantly in conflict or going through ups and downs. so i'm maturing, wonderful, but i've never wanted somebody comfortable to lean on or sit back to back or in a hammock or even just in my car with me to talk with before. never wanted them this badly before anyway. however, if i go through this alone, just me and God, then i mature. but if it's me and a friend, then it's just something me and friend went through. i wish i knew what i was maturing towards. some sort of goal. that would be nice.

i don't know about the whole gana thing. i want to, but i don't know if i'd be able to handle it. nate seems to think i can, but goodness, that's huge. i dunno, just pile things up until i fall over, the noise i make will be glorious.

sleep.