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So,Im here thinking.I know I shouldnt smoke,period but I do and thats that I guess.Goddamn I shouldnt but I do.I've also decided that unless a girl is 18,she doesnt exist to me.That I suppose is a simple enough thing and its not as though I would do anything illegal,but I do hate the looks ya know?That weird look people give you that says you're a pedophile or something.Im not,I know you know that(you of course being whoever reads this presumably) and I know it so yeah.I just figure I should probably disassociate myself from any female under 18 cuz I just hate that look so damned much.Gah,it drives me mad,theres like a..I dunno,just a blood pounding death in my head when I see that look.I dont ever want to be associated with scum like that.Just wanted to get that out I guess.
Emily knows I smoke,and if Meg reads this I suppose she will too.They will be angry,they will tell me to stop and there are millions of reasons for me to but I wont.I cant explain why,maybe its addiction but I think its more than that.I could be wrong,maybe I just think I like it and I wanna know that yeah if I get cancer its not some freak thing I know where it came from.Im not gonna be that "Why me?!" kinda guy.I'll know why.Christ,what the hell is going on in my head eh?I suppose its that time of year,people always seem depressed around winter time.Maybe thats why they had christmas,not to steal it from pagans and get more to join,maybe its just so you can have somethin to look forward to.A bit of joy in a season that is otherwise devoid of it.Damn stu,thats creepy,thats some fuckin Deep Shit.
I went christmas shopping yesterday with Jan and it was fun but at the same time I'm worried.She pretty much picked out most of it,a few she noticed first but I know I woulda gotten,but I mean....I've known these people for years and I couldnt think of what the hell they would like.Thats eerie,I mean how can I know all these people for so long and not know what to get them?I suppose I was used to hearing a lot of "nah,dont worry you dont have to get me anything,Im not even sure what I want" Come to think of it,that I suppose is it.All I know is I like being around these people and if I needed Jan to help me get them some gifts so be it,thats not cheating after all.Use what ya know and make sure you enjoy yourself in the process.Jan was a good friend tohelp me out,and I enjoyed havin her along too.It made the day better than if I went alone.My brakes broke,which Jan can attest to,but theyre fixed now.
I saw Meg today and we hung out twice.Once was to get milk cuz I love cereal,and the other was to wally world to do a bit of x-mas shopping.A lot of it really is the thought,you kinda gotta pick up on what you remember people enjoying in their everyday life and see if this would add to it.She did well I think,we worked together,but she figured out the majority of it(as it was her shopping for others after all.I just got oil an pizza rolls.
I dont post too much,so Im sorry about the length of this and the sort of random tone it took,going from one place to another.Im not sad come to think of it,though the beginning could certainly throw you off,just....thinking.Im really glad I didnt go to college.That is a place I think that would have hurt me more than anything.I need the money from work and just the experience of doing shit,goin out there and actually doing it.It doesnt have to be world changing or a big career,just being elsewhere sometimes and seeing new people and things.I couldnt do that at college I dont think,for me it would be like heading into a bubble I wouldnt want to leave.
Emily knows I smoke,and if Meg reads this I suppose she will too.They will be angry,they will tell me to stop and there are millions of reasons for me to but I wont.I cant explain why,maybe its addiction but I think its more than that.I could be wrong,maybe I just think I like it and I wanna know that yeah if I get cancer its not some freak thing I know where it came from.Im not gonna be that "Why me?!" kinda guy.I'll know why.Christ,what the hell is going on in my head eh?I suppose its that time of year,people always seem depressed around winter time.Maybe thats why they had christmas,not to steal it from pagans and get more to join,maybe its just so you can have somethin to look forward to.A bit of joy in a season that is otherwise devoid of it.Damn stu,thats creepy,thats some fuckin Deep Shit.
I went christmas shopping yesterday with Jan and it was fun but at the same time I'm worried.She pretty much picked out most of it,a few she noticed first but I know I woulda gotten,but I mean....I've known these people for years and I couldnt think of what the hell they would like.Thats eerie,I mean how can I know all these people for so long and not know what to get them?I suppose I was used to hearing a lot of "nah,dont worry you dont have to get me anything,Im not even sure what I want" Come to think of it,that I suppose is it.All I know is I like being around these people and if I needed Jan to help me get them some gifts so be it,thats not cheating after all.Use what ya know and make sure you enjoy yourself in the process.Jan was a good friend tohelp me out,and I enjoyed havin her along too.It made the day better than if I went alone.My brakes broke,which Jan can attest to,but theyre fixed now.
I saw Meg today and we hung out twice.Once was to get milk cuz I love cereal,and the other was to wally world to do a bit of x-mas shopping.A lot of it really is the thought,you kinda gotta pick up on what you remember people enjoying in their everyday life and see if this would add to it.She did well I think,we worked together,but she figured out the majority of it(as it was her shopping for others after all.I just got oil an pizza rolls.
I dont post too much,so Im sorry about the length of this and the sort of random tone it took,going from one place to another.Im not sad come to think of it,though the beginning could certainly throw you off,just....thinking.Im really glad I didnt go to college.That is a place I think that would have hurt me more than anything.I need the money from work and just the experience of doing shit,goin out there and actually doing it.It doesnt have to be world changing or a big career,just being elsewhere sometimes and seeing new people and things.I couldnt do that at college I dont think,for me it would be like heading into a bubble I wouldnt want to leave.