(no subject)
i've wanted this move for so long, this change, this new beggining. i've begged and pleaded and manipulated my way into making it happen, and now, i'm very upset because i'm scared. and i hate to admit that because being fearfull shows weakness. i am scared of change and i'm scared to leave this city. i'm just now discovering the wonders of it, and i'm leaving. i got my push in the right direction, but this time i don't want it. i always get what i ask for, and then decide its no longer what i want. in all aspects, even relationships. i ask to be noticed, to be loved, and when i do get that i get cold feet. and yeh, i know i get drunk and make out with everyone. its something i do, and im not very proud of it. but it'd proven a valueable point to me. the point that any guy will try to get down your pants with a little booze in him and no matter how hard you strive for his love he wont remember your name in the morning, or mean the words he said.