(no subject)
a post that's not a survey? whaaaaaat?
the next best thing to writing my psc paper is exploring my inner thoughts. and there are a lot of them.
i think too much and say too little. i try to enjoy simplicity but find myself getting caught up in the details. i try to run without reins yet i always feel myself getting pulled back. i keep putting myself in lose-lose situations, lose-lose for myself and lose-lose for others.
i feel like there is an extremely large weight on my shoulders. what is this weight? stress? i dont take anything seriously enough to incur stress from it. im doing alright in school and well, i am still employed, so i guess work is going alright. am i worried about post graduation? not yet. am i sad about graduation? yes, sad...and every other emotion possible. the fact that i wont be able to call the majority of my friends and say "i need a friend, im coming over" is daunting. the fact that i wont see familar faces out and about saddens me (where will i be? where will they be?). the real world is going to be very similar to the first day of first grade: intimidating.
maybe i will go home this weekend for a little tender, love, and care. but then again i might just be snappy, bitchy, and on edge like i have been...that's not going to make me or the parents feel great.
i dont know what is wrong with me, but i wish it would go away. i feel stressed, pressed, and short on patience. i feel like i can never get enough sleep but i lay awake at night and stare at the clock because i cant sleep. the only thing that consoles me is a book about drug addiction and rehab. and i am done with the book...so now what? that was my security blanket and now its gone. the sequel?
i think i just need one big hug and one big shoulder to rest my head. and remember that its ok to cry. (i have been on the verge of tears for like 2 weeks, but i think i am just too stubborn to let them drop from my eyes).
the next best thing to writing my psc paper is exploring my inner thoughts. and there are a lot of them.
i think too much and say too little. i try to enjoy simplicity but find myself getting caught up in the details. i try to run without reins yet i always feel myself getting pulled back. i keep putting myself in lose-lose situations, lose-lose for myself and lose-lose for others.
i feel like there is an extremely large weight on my shoulders. what is this weight? stress? i dont take anything seriously enough to incur stress from it. im doing alright in school and well, i am still employed, so i guess work is going alright. am i worried about post graduation? not yet. am i sad about graduation? yes, sad...and every other emotion possible. the fact that i wont be able to call the majority of my friends and say "i need a friend, im coming over" is daunting. the fact that i wont see familar faces out and about saddens me (where will i be? where will they be?). the real world is going to be very similar to the first day of first grade: intimidating.
maybe i will go home this weekend for a little tender, love, and care. but then again i might just be snappy, bitchy, and on edge like i have been...that's not going to make me or the parents feel great.
i dont know what is wrong with me, but i wish it would go away. i feel stressed, pressed, and short on patience. i feel like i can never get enough sleep but i lay awake at night and stare at the clock because i cant sleep. the only thing that consoles me is a book about drug addiction and rehab. and i am done with the book...so now what? that was my security blanket and now its gone. the sequel?
i think i just need one big hug and one big shoulder to rest my head. and remember that its ok to cry. (i have been on the verge of tears for like 2 weeks, but i think i am just too stubborn to let them drop from my eyes).