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I feel really lonely right now. I know that this seems like I am just wanting attention, but I don't know. I really like my job at FedEx, but it swallows up my social life to the point where I feel that I don't have anyone to talk to anymore... in fact, I am at the point where I really really don't have anyone. Everyone is just so taken with their own lives. I can't wait to go to Ottawa and just get away. I want to be with my friends and I can talk to people in person and not over the computer. Life just seems so much more complicated than it should. I feel like I am at the edge of a cliff and I am teetering on the edge with no one to pull me back...
On top of having virtually no friends left due to my sucky schedule and anti-social tendencies lately, Shane keeps pushing me to tell him what I want out of us. I don't really know what I want though. I totally know I want a boyfriend, but I don't know if I want it to be him. Work will be so much more complicated than it already is and I really don't need that. I don't need the people talking about me and spreading rumours more than they already do. Although Shane is more worried about that than me. We've only hung out a couple times and it seems like he really likes me, but then he goes and plays hot and cold, where one day he wants to be near me all the time and then the next day he will completely ignore me.
All of my close friends (ie. Genevieve, Lyzzie, Carrie, Marie, Katie etc.) are in Ottawa or back home and I am starting to have serious doubts about where my life is going. My only real friend here is Eric and I half want to jeopardize that all to make him like me more than that. I am just wanting so much more than friendship right now and I don't have the guts to pursue it and tell Eric how I really feel and I don't have the guts to tell Shane whats really on my mind. Everytime I have a thought in my head about what to say, it blows up and something completely different comes out of my mouth.
AND I need to find myself a date for the FedEx Christmas party, cause going without one is going to be trouble. So either Shane and I work something out... Eric and I... or I had best be searching for someone else completely different before I go crazy and just hermit myself in my room forever.
On top of having virtually no friends left due to my sucky schedule and anti-social tendencies lately, Shane keeps pushing me to tell him what I want out of us. I don't really know what I want though. I totally know I want a boyfriend, but I don't know if I want it to be him. Work will be so much more complicated than it already is and I really don't need that. I don't need the people talking about me and spreading rumours more than they already do. Although Shane is more worried about that than me. We've only hung out a couple times and it seems like he really likes me, but then he goes and plays hot and cold, where one day he wants to be near me all the time and then the next day he will completely ignore me.
All of my close friends (ie. Genevieve, Lyzzie, Carrie, Marie, Katie etc.) are in Ottawa or back home and I am starting to have serious doubts about where my life is going. My only real friend here is Eric and I half want to jeopardize that all to make him like me more than that. I am just wanting so much more than friendship right now and I don't have the guts to pursue it and tell Eric how I really feel and I don't have the guts to tell Shane whats really on my mind. Everytime I have a thought in my head about what to say, it blows up and something completely different comes out of my mouth.
AND I need to find myself a date for the FedEx Christmas party, cause going without one is going to be trouble. So either Shane and I work something out... Eric and I... or I had best be searching for someone else completely different before I go crazy and just hermit myself in my room forever.