more about boys
well i am feeling better, i would put it at 85 percent better. it will take me a while, but each day i feel more and more able to handle this change, that drew is not with me anymore. i tried to keep telling myself that really, i still get to do everything with him except for kiss and spend the night and some romantic things like that. i can live without the romantic things (granted they were nice, i won't cry over them). i think the thing i WILL miss the most though is spending the night. he would just hold me so tight and i could just fall right to sleep with my face in his chest furs. oh, it will be tough. but really, i get to still do SO much, just like always.
yesterday i was feeling better until me and drew were eating burritos after studio, and katie came up and started talking to him, well and me too. and katie is a great person and i want to be friends and everything, but i just felt the tears well up. i packed up my things without saying anything, and threw my half eaten burrito away and just walked out the door. drew came after me, and i just fell apart while he hugged me. he kept asking me what he could do to keep me from feeling sad and i just want things to be the way they were. but they're not, i know that. but we're STILL best friends. we still do a TON together. i will get over not sleeping with him, but i will miss it. there is just an amazing connection holding each other and not saying anything.
i walked to my room and cried, and i called my mom and i just cried for a while. it just hurts, but i got over that, and i still went out and played frisbee, and in between games i needed to buy a toothbrush (yeah, i've just had listerine for two days because i left my toothbrush at home). and he went with me to go buy it, and we talked. i just told him how i felt, and it was good. he really cares about me and loves me still, and there are a lot of things that we do that feel just like always. heck, who knows what will happen in the future.
at least i know that i still have my best friend. i hope that he will always be my best friend. after college i will drive to go visit him, that is how much he means to me. i just can't be mad at him, and he has never been mad at me. he really is just one of the most amazing people that i have ever had the privilege to know and to spend time with, and he always be.
i spent the day in studio, thinking i would not be alone in my room and here in studio, able to do work and be productive, but i stayed up so late at drew's just doing spanish homework and cutting up that i only got 4 hours of sleep. what i really should have done was gone and took a nap and then come back to studio. i started reading on the couch, then laid my head down and slept for maybe an hour, and then after that david and josh sat down with me and i swear we just sat there and talked about nothing for two hours. i tried to do some more reading, but 33 pages of full text book pages is too much to tackle in one sitting. i at least got to page 20 something. jeez! it was around 6! i have spent all day there being fairly unproductive, but i did get a big chunk of reading done, i talked and had a good time with the guys, i got to eat lunch and spend the whole day with drew, even though poor guy has four classes and pretty much has to work the entire day, and everything will be fine. for some reason when it was time to go, i started feeling sad again. but i have A LOT of work i need to do. i really think that i was just exhausted AND hungry. i had only had a burrito and that was it today, and i didn't really eat a lot yesterday because i was so busy.
i talked myself out of being sad though, reassuring myself that everything is fine, and it is fine even that we don't sleep together. i mean, sleeping together, if you think about it, is a big step. married couples sleep together. and this really is just a good way to step back and enjoy life, be productive, make my room MY home and get a good night's sleep (although cramming in bed never bothered me all that much to make me want to stop, although i would be sore and kinda sleepy when i got up). i still get to spend tons of time with my best friend. there are other fish in the sea and i am really fine being single. i'm only 21 years old.
i know there will still be times where i will get sad a little bit, it hasn't been a week yet since i have found out about this. but! not only do i not want to be sad all the time, i don't to drag drew down. i want to appear cool and happy, not just for him, but for myself as well. i still have my best friend. and he still loves me.
quick nap now. i am going to be productive tonight, and each day i am going to be happier and happier.
yesterday i was feeling better until me and drew were eating burritos after studio, and katie came up and started talking to him, well and me too. and katie is a great person and i want to be friends and everything, but i just felt the tears well up. i packed up my things without saying anything, and threw my half eaten burrito away and just walked out the door. drew came after me, and i just fell apart while he hugged me. he kept asking me what he could do to keep me from feeling sad and i just want things to be the way they were. but they're not, i know that. but we're STILL best friends. we still do a TON together. i will get over not sleeping with him, but i will miss it. there is just an amazing connection holding each other and not saying anything.
i walked to my room and cried, and i called my mom and i just cried for a while. it just hurts, but i got over that, and i still went out and played frisbee, and in between games i needed to buy a toothbrush (yeah, i've just had listerine for two days because i left my toothbrush at home). and he went with me to go buy it, and we talked. i just told him how i felt, and it was good. he really cares about me and loves me still, and there are a lot of things that we do that feel just like always. heck, who knows what will happen in the future.
at least i know that i still have my best friend. i hope that he will always be my best friend. after college i will drive to go visit him, that is how much he means to me. i just can't be mad at him, and he has never been mad at me. he really is just one of the most amazing people that i have ever had the privilege to know and to spend time with, and he always be.
i spent the day in studio, thinking i would not be alone in my room and here in studio, able to do work and be productive, but i stayed up so late at drew's just doing spanish homework and cutting up that i only got 4 hours of sleep. what i really should have done was gone and took a nap and then come back to studio. i started reading on the couch, then laid my head down and slept for maybe an hour, and then after that david and josh sat down with me and i swear we just sat there and talked about nothing for two hours. i tried to do some more reading, but 33 pages of full text book pages is too much to tackle in one sitting. i at least got to page 20 something. jeez! it was around 6! i have spent all day there being fairly unproductive, but i did get a big chunk of reading done, i talked and had a good time with the guys, i got to eat lunch and spend the whole day with drew, even though poor guy has four classes and pretty much has to work the entire day, and everything will be fine. for some reason when it was time to go, i started feeling sad again. but i have A LOT of work i need to do. i really think that i was just exhausted AND hungry. i had only had a burrito and that was it today, and i didn't really eat a lot yesterday because i was so busy.
i talked myself out of being sad though, reassuring myself that everything is fine, and it is fine even that we don't sleep together. i mean, sleeping together, if you think about it, is a big step. married couples sleep together. and this really is just a good way to step back and enjoy life, be productive, make my room MY home and get a good night's sleep (although cramming in bed never bothered me all that much to make me want to stop, although i would be sore and kinda sleepy when i got up). i still get to spend tons of time with my best friend. there are other fish in the sea and i am really fine being single. i'm only 21 years old.
i know there will still be times where i will get sad a little bit, it hasn't been a week yet since i have found out about this. but! not only do i not want to be sad all the time, i don't to drag drew down. i want to appear cool and happy, not just for him, but for myself as well. i still have my best friend. and he still loves me.
quick nap now. i am going to be productive tonight, and each day i am going to be happier and happier.