rrr.... (you've been warned)
i have been home for a week. and... well... yeah.
the architect my mom knows isn't working on anything, so consequently i couldn't work for her. this woman however told my mom that she would call people she had connections with, and call her back tomorrow, which was tuesday, with her findings. well it's saturday, and she never called back.
i wasn't set on this persay, but if she didn't get anything, i wish she would have told me so i could proceed to call other places myself. or at least she could have called me and said, i called such and such places and they didn't need you, so i wouldn't in turn, call them right back. or maybe she just didn't do anything. but i don't know, because she didn't call back and she didn't answer my phone calls or the message on her machine.
and so i've been home for a week. i really don't want to go back to the photo lab, but i will if i have to. the thing is, is that i'm not moving forward.
now that i'm feeling pretty good about things, about school, about myself (minus this big honkin bootay), i want to do something a little more stimulating than going in, busting my butt in the photo lab, and getting paid what i get paid. i love doing the work, yes. but it was becoming routine. too many teenagers with disposable cameras, 27 pictures of white faces, red eyes, and black backgrounds doing who knows what. working in a professional lab would be awesome, but they don't hire people to work for three months.
and i need SOME kind of experience in the field now that i will be starting my fourth year of architecture school. so that is the task at hand for next week. i'm just not sure what to say, should i call or email? but i have to get myself out there. i have to start.
i've been home for a week and i haven't even really done anything or gone anywhere. i've cleaned a little over 60 percent of my mess, but my room have become a type of catch-all drawer since i've been away. i don't know how all of my clothes don't fit in my closet when they all came from my closet. and i'm so sleepy. i hope i am just adjusting my sleep schedule instead of something being wrong with me. i have no car and no money. i'm really just feeling kind of stuck here.
phill's 16th birthday was this past wednesday, and he got his driver's license. now it's all about, let's get a car! and you know what, honestly. i'm mad. i'm pissed off. i'm 20 years old living in charlotte, the 5th largest city in the country, and i don't have a car. why? because i've been working since i was 14, and all the money i made i had to spend on what i needed. i didn't get to save like i initially planned, start work at 14, have enough to get a used car at 16. no, not me. but phillip on the other hand. he gets to save. mom makes his lunch for him, gives him money, buys his clothes, does his laundry. and if he gets a car, i'm sorry. that just pisses me off.
and i know it makes me sound very ungrateful. yes, my parents have helped me with the college expenses that my scholarship doesn't cover. but here i am, my fourth year of college, i'm going to be a legal adult, and i have no freedom. and i am itching to be independent, but i can't do it alone and architecture school too, i just can't. if i could claim myself as an independent from them, then i could get loans and grants and so forth, but since i'm not claimed as one, i am stuck under what they say goes.
and not just financially, even if i had my own car, even being 21 if i was at home, i'd have to be home at midnight. can't stay the night with a guy even if i'm not having sex. and i need to go to all of these doctor appointments, but it's up to my mom to make them since she's the one who has to decide when she can take off of work to take me to them, all of these symptoms i'm tired of living with and could be easily treated, but she seems to forget about them like one forgets to pick up butter at the store.
i've never felt like this at home. well, maybe a little, when i'm would wait to go to work or come home from work last summer and really didn't have anything to do but sit around and watch tv or read a book. i just want to do something! i love college but at the same time it is such a sacrafice, not having time or money to do anything, having to work all the time and not get any sleep. i just want to move forward.
and yeah, the one thing that is getting me a little down is that i have gained weight. in my cleaning out of things, i got rid of so many clothes that i loved, but just did not fit at all anymore. i'm sure part of it is just getting big hips, but i know i have simply been too busy to run and work out like i used to. my mom is not being very supportive about it. i mean, going to old navy and going from a size 6 to a 10 isn't the best feeling. having her continually say, oh wow, you've really filled out, isn't the best feeling. whew.
so that was my rant. i haven't had one for a while. but it's such a big deal when i come home, and then once i'm home, it's like i'm forgotten about, or nothing i do is good enough. i sleep too late, i don't have a job, when i do i don't get paid enough, you should try and get more scholarship money, you need to quit eating, etc.
on my mom's day off, yesterday, she kept talking the whole week on how we would 'just hang out' and go shopping and such. we ran errands, picked up phillip from school, took him to get his license, took him to get a suit jacket for tomorrow, and that was it.
i guess what i really wanted, was just a little something for me. just one fun day. not one of running around, but one of enjoyment. something for me, since i haven't had that for so long while being at school. if that makes me a shitty person, oh well. but i think a lot of people who are out there busting their ass just to make it would feel the same way.
the architect my mom knows isn't working on anything, so consequently i couldn't work for her. this woman however told my mom that she would call people she had connections with, and call her back tomorrow, which was tuesday, with her findings. well it's saturday, and she never called back.
i wasn't set on this persay, but if she didn't get anything, i wish she would have told me so i could proceed to call other places myself. or at least she could have called me and said, i called such and such places and they didn't need you, so i wouldn't in turn, call them right back. or maybe she just didn't do anything. but i don't know, because she didn't call back and she didn't answer my phone calls or the message on her machine.
and so i've been home for a week. i really don't want to go back to the photo lab, but i will if i have to. the thing is, is that i'm not moving forward.
now that i'm feeling pretty good about things, about school, about myself (minus this big honkin bootay), i want to do something a little more stimulating than going in, busting my butt in the photo lab, and getting paid what i get paid. i love doing the work, yes. but it was becoming routine. too many teenagers with disposable cameras, 27 pictures of white faces, red eyes, and black backgrounds doing who knows what. working in a professional lab would be awesome, but they don't hire people to work for three months.
and i need SOME kind of experience in the field now that i will be starting my fourth year of architecture school. so that is the task at hand for next week. i'm just not sure what to say, should i call or email? but i have to get myself out there. i have to start.
i've been home for a week and i haven't even really done anything or gone anywhere. i've cleaned a little over 60 percent of my mess, but my room have become a type of catch-all drawer since i've been away. i don't know how all of my clothes don't fit in my closet when they all came from my closet. and i'm so sleepy. i hope i am just adjusting my sleep schedule instead of something being wrong with me. i have no car and no money. i'm really just feeling kind of stuck here.
phill's 16th birthday was this past wednesday, and he got his driver's license. now it's all about, let's get a car! and you know what, honestly. i'm mad. i'm pissed off. i'm 20 years old living in charlotte, the 5th largest city in the country, and i don't have a car. why? because i've been working since i was 14, and all the money i made i had to spend on what i needed. i didn't get to save like i initially planned, start work at 14, have enough to get a used car at 16. no, not me. but phillip on the other hand. he gets to save. mom makes his lunch for him, gives him money, buys his clothes, does his laundry. and if he gets a car, i'm sorry. that just pisses me off.
and i know it makes me sound very ungrateful. yes, my parents have helped me with the college expenses that my scholarship doesn't cover. but here i am, my fourth year of college, i'm going to be a legal adult, and i have no freedom. and i am itching to be independent, but i can't do it alone and architecture school too, i just can't. if i could claim myself as an independent from them, then i could get loans and grants and so forth, but since i'm not claimed as one, i am stuck under what they say goes.
and not just financially, even if i had my own car, even being 21 if i was at home, i'd have to be home at midnight. can't stay the night with a guy even if i'm not having sex. and i need to go to all of these doctor appointments, but it's up to my mom to make them since she's the one who has to decide when she can take off of work to take me to them, all of these symptoms i'm tired of living with and could be easily treated, but she seems to forget about them like one forgets to pick up butter at the store.
i've never felt like this at home. well, maybe a little, when i'm would wait to go to work or come home from work last summer and really didn't have anything to do but sit around and watch tv or read a book. i just want to do something! i love college but at the same time it is such a sacrafice, not having time or money to do anything, having to work all the time and not get any sleep. i just want to move forward.
and yeah, the one thing that is getting me a little down is that i have gained weight. in my cleaning out of things, i got rid of so many clothes that i loved, but just did not fit at all anymore. i'm sure part of it is just getting big hips, but i know i have simply been too busy to run and work out like i used to. my mom is not being very supportive about it. i mean, going to old navy and going from a size 6 to a 10 isn't the best feeling. having her continually say, oh wow, you've really filled out, isn't the best feeling. whew.
so that was my rant. i haven't had one for a while. but it's such a big deal when i come home, and then once i'm home, it's like i'm forgotten about, or nothing i do is good enough. i sleep too late, i don't have a job, when i do i don't get paid enough, you should try and get more scholarship money, you need to quit eating, etc.
on my mom's day off, yesterday, she kept talking the whole week on how we would 'just hang out' and go shopping and such. we ran errands, picked up phillip from school, took him to get his license, took him to get a suit jacket for tomorrow, and that was it.
i guess what i really wanted, was just a little something for me. just one fun day. not one of running around, but one of enjoyment. something for me, since i haven't had that for so long while being at school. if that makes me a shitty person, oh well. but i think a lot of people who are out there busting their ass just to make it would feel the same way.