Nice Conversation
I had a nice conversation with Amy for like a really long time last night. We got off the phone at like 3:00AM this morning. We talked about all sorts of things, like the blah and how things could be later.....one interesting thing we talked about was how I was worried about the future of me, her, and ronnie. I want us all to eventually be comfortable friends, not me just being "civil" with ronnie because I have to be. I let Amy know how I'm finally pulling out of the depression I've been in for about three or four months since I finally got ronnie to come out and say himself "never again". That's all I needed to hear in order to start letting go and moving on with my life. In the end, though, I did learn some things from the time I was with ronnie...
-don't compromise the kind of person that you are...If I want to be touchy feely, I can as touchy feely as I damn well please, and the guy i'm with needs to be okay with that.
-don't date someone who is close to someone you are also close to....common sense. The whole thing caused drama between me and amy, ronnie and me, and amy and ronnie, and it was silly. Never again.
-don't date someone who makes you feel like they're doing something because they feel like they have to...that's a big one. I felt like a lot of the things ronnie did he did because he didnt want my feelings to get hurt, and those are the wrong reasons.
-YOU are your FIRST priority...never again will I put someone before myself unless I really love them, and that wont be for a very, very long time, I'm sure. Never again will I put so much time and so much effort and to making myself "better" on the outside for someone else, because it ultimately makes me worse on the inside.
-Don't let your walls down so easily...that was a mistake. I kind of just gave ronnie a free ride right over my walls without hesitation, and that was my own fault. I wont lower my walls again until I think the guy deserves it.
-Find someone who is at least a little risky...one thing I didnt like when I was with ronnie was how he didn't like to take risks, really. The biggest one I remember us taking was either in my room when my parents were home or at the park....but so what? If I so much as touched his upper thigh in the car when everything was underneath a pillow and no one could see, he got paranoid. C'mon... :-p
which leads me into the last one....
-It's oki to be a horny little devil...I'll admit it, I like sex and sexual things and being dirty and kinky and all of that fun stuff, especially if I hadn't had anything in a long time or, in the previous case, never before. Im'a need someone who can deal with me for the first parts of the relationship being kind of wild. No sex I can understand but.....I'm just that way, I gotta have SOMETHING :-p
Anyway, I think I'm going to go and try to go to Robby's and smoke. BBL K? ^_^
-don't compromise the kind of person that you are...If I want to be touchy feely, I can as touchy feely as I damn well please, and the guy i'm with needs to be okay with that.
-don't date someone who is close to someone you are also close to....common sense. The whole thing caused drama between me and amy, ronnie and me, and amy and ronnie, and it was silly. Never again.
-don't date someone who makes you feel like they're doing something because they feel like they have to...that's a big one. I felt like a lot of the things ronnie did he did because he didnt want my feelings to get hurt, and those are the wrong reasons.
-YOU are your FIRST priority...never again will I put someone before myself unless I really love them, and that wont be for a very, very long time, I'm sure. Never again will I put so much time and so much effort and to making myself "better" on the outside for someone else, because it ultimately makes me worse on the inside.
-Don't let your walls down so easily...that was a mistake. I kind of just gave ronnie a free ride right over my walls without hesitation, and that was my own fault. I wont lower my walls again until I think the guy deserves it.
-Find someone who is at least a little risky...one thing I didnt like when I was with ronnie was how he didn't like to take risks, really. The biggest one I remember us taking was either in my room when my parents were home or at the park....but so what? If I so much as touched his upper thigh in the car when everything was underneath a pillow and no one could see, he got paranoid. C'mon... :-p
which leads me into the last one....
-It's oki to be a horny little devil...I'll admit it, I like sex and sexual things and being dirty and kinky and all of that fun stuff, especially if I hadn't had anything in a long time or, in the previous case, never before. Im'a need someone who can deal with me for the first parts of the relationship being kind of wild. No sex I can understand but.....I'm just that way, I gotta have SOMETHING :-p
Anyway, I think I'm going to go and try to go to Robby's and smoke. BBL K? ^_^