(no subject)
i just realized that i haven't written a long post in a while, so i'm going to attempt to do so now. in other words, this is going to be one random fucking rant.
love amuses me. i mean, i meet alex, k? it wasn't until two weeks after class started that we, well, that i, really noticed him. that amuses me. because you all know how i am with boys, right? i am constantly looking them over and it is very rare indeed that i don't find at least one redeeming feature, physical or otherwise. but i never even looked at him till one monday when i was telling karen tha ti would try out her new little microphone thing and see if i could put it on disc, and he offered to help me. even then i didn't really look at him except to think, sure okay, you make me nervous, but you have pretty hair. now, looking back, i wonder if it wasn't some kind of prerecognition that made me think he made me nervous. funny, isn't it, how things make sense only after the end of them? two days later i asked him out. one week later we kissed for the first time, then the enxt day we spent hours kissing. that weekend we spent the night together. it also amuuses me that only twice did i get to wake up with him holding me. once when we first started dating, and once near the end, though i didn't know it at the time. but anyway... with alex, everything happened so very quickly. i never had time to think about it. perhaps if i had thought about it, none of it would have happened. and then i never would have had these wonderful memories, and more, i don't think i would have Alex as a friend. still thinking back, i remember that i would never have asked alex out if Stephanie hadn't goaded me into it. he was definetely letting me know he was interested, but we all know that although i talk big i don't often mean what i say. and we all know what a hypocrite i am. but steph was making out like she liked him, stupid brat. but more than that really, i can't help thinking about the fact that when he had offered to help me with the computer, i was planning on avoiding him because he made me nervous. thank goddess for pushy friends. and now, even though we've broken up, i still love him. i understand, now, how he could say he loves me, but he's not in love with me. because i still love him, still care for him greatly and want him to be happy and successful, but i no longer feel the deep need to be with him as i once was. i have no idead where this rant was going to begin with, but here's what i'm trying to say, i think. love amuses me, because it toys with us, twists us into knots and breaks our hearts, but when it puts us back together, we are stronger, better, and more able to face love the next time around. and if someone allows love to break them, then maybe it wasn't really love at all. ~Amanda
love amuses me. i mean, i meet alex, k? it wasn't until two weeks after class started that we, well, that i, really noticed him. that amuses me. because you all know how i am with boys, right? i am constantly looking them over and it is very rare indeed that i don't find at least one redeeming feature, physical or otherwise. but i never even looked at him till one monday when i was telling karen tha ti would try out her new little microphone thing and see if i could put it on disc, and he offered to help me. even then i didn't really look at him except to think, sure okay, you make me nervous, but you have pretty hair. now, looking back, i wonder if it wasn't some kind of prerecognition that made me think he made me nervous. funny, isn't it, how things make sense only after the end of them? two days later i asked him out. one week later we kissed for the first time, then the enxt day we spent hours kissing. that weekend we spent the night together. it also amuuses me that only twice did i get to wake up with him holding me. once when we first started dating, and once near the end, though i didn't know it at the time. but anyway... with alex, everything happened so very quickly. i never had time to think about it. perhaps if i had thought about it, none of it would have happened. and then i never would have had these wonderful memories, and more, i don't think i would have Alex as a friend. still thinking back, i remember that i would never have asked alex out if Stephanie hadn't goaded me into it. he was definetely letting me know he was interested, but we all know that although i talk big i don't often mean what i say. and we all know what a hypocrite i am. but steph was making out like she liked him, stupid brat. but more than that really, i can't help thinking about the fact that when he had offered to help me with the computer, i was planning on avoiding him because he made me nervous. thank goddess for pushy friends. and now, even though we've broken up, i still love him. i understand, now, how he could say he loves me, but he's not in love with me. because i still love him, still care for him greatly and want him to be happy and successful, but i no longer feel the deep need to be with him as i once was. i have no idead where this rant was going to begin with, but here's what i'm trying to say, i think. love amuses me, because it toys with us, twists us into knots and breaks our hearts, but when it puts us back together, we are stronger, better, and more able to face love the next time around. and if someone allows love to break them, then maybe it wasn't really love at all. ~Amanda