That one where I update my livejournal...
I clearly like to update as little as possible these days, and that's for any number of reasons.
I think today it's primarily that it's in the early hours (relatively) of a Sunday morning and I don't quite have anyone to talk too about my current
state of mind.
So there's this intern over at CNC, let's call her Allison Kostka, that I've built up a bit of a crush on. She's a little bit quiet, but she's smart and she's funny and charming when she's actually talking. I had this little crush for a while, but the usual things went by, mostly I didn't want to sort of say anything in front of anyone (I don't think that anyone actually would have minded about it, but you know how I am). Eventually we got to lunch, and I put my foot in my mouth rather than saying something stupid.
So we've been out a few times and I'm still terminally neurotic about it. I feel like whenever I want to say something serious, I lead with an anecdote about how in 1407 Tamerlane sacked the city of Damascus and then built several towers out of tens of thousands of heads embedded into bricks (and he had a profound impact on Eastern architecture), and then I'm off into another direction. It's like being under some kind of enchantment, where whenever I get it into my mind to resolve the situation I begin to talk about something completely different and completely random.
Last night was a lovely evening that could have been incredible I suppose, if something had happened more than just pleasantries. Down by the bay they lit up hundreds of flares and we walked along the beach, and I should have taken that moment right there, alone in the dark, but I didn't because I didn't want to do something stupid, and I really don't know how to proceed.
I like her, but I have this problem, this neurosis that keeps me moving slowly, and she's not really around for much longer which makes me even more hesitant. Maybe, I should call her, but I don't want to call her, I just want to seize onto some little moment of passion, but I don't know, I probably look foolish at this point, like the guy who runs the marathon and then sort of veers off in the last mile and smiles saying that it was close enough and he had a good time.
I think today it's primarily that it's in the early hours (relatively) of a Sunday morning and I don't quite have anyone to talk too about my current
state of mind.
So there's this intern over at CNC, let's call her Allison Kostka, that I've built up a bit of a crush on. She's a little bit quiet, but she's smart and she's funny and charming when she's actually talking. I had this little crush for a while, but the usual things went by, mostly I didn't want to sort of say anything in front of anyone (I don't think that anyone actually would have minded about it, but you know how I am). Eventually we got to lunch, and I put my foot in my mouth rather than saying something stupid.
So we've been out a few times and I'm still terminally neurotic about it. I feel like whenever I want to say something serious, I lead with an anecdote about how in 1407 Tamerlane sacked the city of Damascus and then built several towers out of tens of thousands of heads embedded into bricks (and he had a profound impact on Eastern architecture), and then I'm off into another direction. It's like being under some kind of enchantment, where whenever I get it into my mind to resolve the situation I begin to talk about something completely different and completely random.
Last night was a lovely evening that could have been incredible I suppose, if something had happened more than just pleasantries. Down by the bay they lit up hundreds of flares and we walked along the beach, and I should have taken that moment right there, alone in the dark, but I didn't because I didn't want to do something stupid, and I really don't know how to proceed.
I like her, but I have this problem, this neurosis that keeps me moving slowly, and she's not really around for much longer which makes me even more hesitant. Maybe, I should call her, but I don't want to call her, I just want to seize onto some little moment of passion, but I don't know, I probably look foolish at this point, like the guy who runs the marathon and then sort of veers off in the last mile and smiles saying that it was close enough and he had a good time.