In the Interest of Full Disclosure...
It seems like I have a lot of things due lately, not just tests coming up and the like, but it's almost the end of my college career (with the last year really blowing by so quickly that I feel like I might have missed it). It's so weird to notice the yo-yo that I've gone through over the years.
I've been up thinking, I don't know why disclosure came to mind, maybe it was a touch of melancholy and the music that I listened to. Maybe its this fetish that I have for personal and intellectual integrity, but whatever it was, I feel like there are any number of things that I should just come out and say. Hopefully you will be overwhelmed.
On Romance:
I am impossibly romantic, not simply in the most common sense, but also in the sense that I am obsessed by the idea that life is somehow meant to be grander and more important than the scope of events would seem to indicate. In spite of inclinations toward cynicism that have been very obviously displayed in the past year, I am dominated by my idealism and lust for some kind of grand vision of how life should be. To a lesser extent the more common meaning applies, especially in my belief that most of life is characterized by the relationships that we make with other people.
It used to be a little bit more extreme I suppose, that I felt love might conquer anything. I've certainly matured, because it isn't a panacea and will go away if you try and use it as a crutch to fix something that can only be done by yourself (or with drugs and therapy). Still, I take those sort of declarations very seriously (even when it's just a kind of platonic or fraternal) and meant them firmly when I said them and for the most part I still feel those attachments. That being said, I do recognize that I form emotional bonds with people and objects far too readily, thankfully I am a reasonable judge of character otherwise this might pose problems.
I really like Romantic Comedies as a genre, and I do watch "chick flicks", feigning a sort of disinterested irony because I do that for most things. I like music that evokes similar feelings (as well as music that wicked rocks), and I think that S-K (maybe because of their 'grrl power) has some of the most strongly evocative songs that I know (as well as some quite rocking ones).
I've had exactly one relationship that ended up as a wholesale cluster-fuck, I've dated a tiny bit beyond that. Most of my information comes from observing other people, reading and watching, as well as talking to other people when I was trying to sort my own stuff out. I like to watch people and figure out how they work, and why they do what they do, so I guess if I give you any advice, take it with all of this in mind. I've long been of the same mindset that Scooter has expressed, that physical affection should be accompanied by emotional affection, based on this, the people that I've seriously dated and the fact that I'm aware of how easily I form emotional attachments I've never had sex, I've also never really pressed the issue because it really isn't as important to me as the emotional and intellectual connection is. It's not a prudish thing, and I'm probably just as sex-crazed as everyone else my age, my intellectual and emotional pretensions just outweigh those concerns (as does the occasional #3).
I'm pretty shy and reluctant to open up emotionally to people, and I don't tend to just put myself out there for relationships. I move pretty slowly and tend to err on the side of caution, this produces my .300 record). It's something I should probably improve on, but to be honest I rally am having a great time with all of my friends, and while a new person to connect with would be fabulous (especially one upon whom to hone my flirtatious skills, I've already discussed those previously).
My ideal relationship is more or less based on my parents' relationship, they've been married for 25 years and I think that the real key is that they're great friends (at least from my perspective). It's that low and slow comfortable kind of relationship (like a best friend with benefits I suppose, someone that's always there). My parents are coincidentally the people that I most revere in my life. I don't know what else to say on this topic, but I guess these are a lot of things that I've never quite said all at once to anyone.
On Fears
I spoke with Scooter once about being scared that I'm not the best at anything, that I'm barely good at most of the things that I do. Dr. Beckers sometimes talks about how she feels a little intellectually inadequate because she's not as fast on her feet as myself or Tim, and in truth I'm probably more jealous of her for her intellectual rigor and her self-discipline. I'm actual jealous of most people who have that kind of academic discipline. I'm especially vulnerable to fears of intellectual inadequacy because for the longest time that's all I thought that I had going for me, and why I've focused a lot more on having a life of the mind (at least my life is worth living according to Socrates, and I've enjoyed it).
I'm still beset by fears that I'll fail my parents, that I won't find any meaning out there on my own and that I won't be able to create a life for myself that I really want to be living. I used to be more afraid of being alone, but I feel that's less likely to happen (and now that I actually have friends, unlike in the sixth grade, I feel a lot better). I'm worried about a lot of things, but I generally don't let most of it get to me, some of it just hovers though, unconquered by my higher reasoning. I'm also worried that I'll slip back into old patterns and habits, and 2 Am fits of melancholy don't help that too much.
Morality, Politics and Beliefs
Up until high school I was very much into religious faith, I had some misgivings about the Jehova's Witnesses, but they were some of the nicest people that I've ever met (at least in Middleboro), but in generally I just sort of accepted everything and didn't question it too much. In high school I drifted away from that world. Now I'm on the verge of rejecting all theistic constructs in favor of materialism, but I don't care enough to try and disabuse other people of their notions because they can be useful notions.
When I was trying to explain this position once, I did it in a rather insulting fashion, that the utility of religion as far as human social evolution was concerned was the best reason to keep it around, I really upset a person. After this I pretty much tried to keep this sort of thing to myself, except for supportive things like, "A faith community can provide an important sense of belonging and its rituals and texts can help anchor us in relation to our cultural history and to that community, and absolute answers can provide a lot of comfort and solace."
I like materialism as a theory, and I mean that in a generally scientific sense of the word, that it is a series of ideas that provide an explanation for a set of phenomena. While materialism itself may be hard to test (it's certainly hard to falsify since we live in a material universe, we would need to be outside that to really test it). I recognize the limitations of this view (vis a vis continental rationalism and certain sects of empiricism), but find that a theory of the material world gets results and explains just about everything in my conception, and can be used to explain things that aren't in my conception (fuckin' quarks). Some people have asked about meaning and morality in a godless universe, our founding fathers managed to have hashed out a rough idea (Thomas Jefferson didn't write anything about a creator, that language was added in by committee). I operate from the principle that people have certain natural rights that are conducive to a productive society (life, liberty and property in the classical conception) and it is up to people (and their governments) to protect and promote these rights and act in the general welfare.
Based upon these principles are certain moral conclusion, these conclusions more or less guide my behavior (although I am not checked from committing crimes by these objections, because I am not driven to commit crimes). I try and use these as guideposts to come to consistent views on divers subjects, for example I consider both the death penalty and abortion to be moral wrongs (the abortion one has changed to its present state more recently after personal reflection). There are of course mitigating factors for the latter, violations of personal autonomy and a large hardship placed upon the mother or the unborn because of inadequacies in the social welfare system.
Politically I am liberal, I believe that the New Deal was pretty much the best thing that happened to this country. It's a fair compromise between laissez-faire capitalism and socialism, and to be honest we're still practicing Keynesian economics today (in spite of what Republicans might say). The government of the United States of America is of the people, by the people, and for the people and it would do us well to keep that in mind and enforce it. It should permit us to behave as we will, so long as our behavior does not infringe upon the rights of others, and promote the general welfare through programs that help to give people the tools they need to succeed (access to healthcare, roads, clean water, clean air, education, defense, police, fire departments, libraries, museums). Of course market alternatives should be offered, but those will inevitably favor a certain class of people, which would create a defacto aristocracy (fuck that shit). While monetary capital might be locked up in the hands of a few, the great majority should not be deprived of access to human and cultural capital. Also, children shouldn't be disadvantaged simply because their parents are idiots (read: repeal laws that allow parents to be criminally negligent in the name of religion, and others).
Final Thought:
This sort of disclosure actually felt rather good, none of this had really been weighing on my chest and it's not in the most coherent fashion, but I think that it's a good place to start with. I would also like to mention how I feel that I have some of the very best friends in the world, even the ones that I don't see or speak with that often are often in my thoughts. I guess if there's really anything that people might want to know, I'm always around, and I suppose that people could leave their questions as comments and I'll answer them. Especially if they want to nitpick on some point, I'm always willing to elaborate or debate, after all an open mind is key to not being a dolt (but not so open as to let everything fall out).
I've been up thinking, I don't know why disclosure came to mind, maybe it was a touch of melancholy and the music that I listened to. Maybe its this fetish that I have for personal and intellectual integrity, but whatever it was, I feel like there are any number of things that I should just come out and say. Hopefully you will be overwhelmed.
On Romance:
I am impossibly romantic, not simply in the most common sense, but also in the sense that I am obsessed by the idea that life is somehow meant to be grander and more important than the scope of events would seem to indicate. In spite of inclinations toward cynicism that have been very obviously displayed in the past year, I am dominated by my idealism and lust for some kind of grand vision of how life should be. To a lesser extent the more common meaning applies, especially in my belief that most of life is characterized by the relationships that we make with other people.
It used to be a little bit more extreme I suppose, that I felt love might conquer anything. I've certainly matured, because it isn't a panacea and will go away if you try and use it as a crutch to fix something that can only be done by yourself (or with drugs and therapy). Still, I take those sort of declarations very seriously (even when it's just a kind of platonic or fraternal) and meant them firmly when I said them and for the most part I still feel those attachments. That being said, I do recognize that I form emotional bonds with people and objects far too readily, thankfully I am a reasonable judge of character otherwise this might pose problems.
I really like Romantic Comedies as a genre, and I do watch "chick flicks", feigning a sort of disinterested irony because I do that for most things. I like music that evokes similar feelings (as well as music that wicked rocks), and I think that S-K (maybe because of their 'grrl power) has some of the most strongly evocative songs that I know (as well as some quite rocking ones).
I've had exactly one relationship that ended up as a wholesale cluster-fuck, I've dated a tiny bit beyond that. Most of my information comes from observing other people, reading and watching, as well as talking to other people when I was trying to sort my own stuff out. I like to watch people and figure out how they work, and why they do what they do, so I guess if I give you any advice, take it with all of this in mind. I've long been of the same mindset that Scooter has expressed, that physical affection should be accompanied by emotional affection, based on this, the people that I've seriously dated and the fact that I'm aware of how easily I form emotional attachments I've never had sex, I've also never really pressed the issue because it really isn't as important to me as the emotional and intellectual connection is. It's not a prudish thing, and I'm probably just as sex-crazed as everyone else my age, my intellectual and emotional pretensions just outweigh those concerns (as does the occasional #3).
I'm pretty shy and reluctant to open up emotionally to people, and I don't tend to just put myself out there for relationships. I move pretty slowly and tend to err on the side of caution, this produces my .300 record). It's something I should probably improve on, but to be honest I rally am having a great time with all of my friends, and while a new person to connect with would be fabulous (especially one upon whom to hone my flirtatious skills, I've already discussed those previously).
My ideal relationship is more or less based on my parents' relationship, they've been married for 25 years and I think that the real key is that they're great friends (at least from my perspective). It's that low and slow comfortable kind of relationship (like a best friend with benefits I suppose, someone that's always there). My parents are coincidentally the people that I most revere in my life. I don't know what else to say on this topic, but I guess these are a lot of things that I've never quite said all at once to anyone.
On Fears
I spoke with Scooter once about being scared that I'm not the best at anything, that I'm barely good at most of the things that I do. Dr. Beckers sometimes talks about how she feels a little intellectually inadequate because she's not as fast on her feet as myself or Tim, and in truth I'm probably more jealous of her for her intellectual rigor and her self-discipline. I'm actual jealous of most people who have that kind of academic discipline. I'm especially vulnerable to fears of intellectual inadequacy because for the longest time that's all I thought that I had going for me, and why I've focused a lot more on having a life of the mind (at least my life is worth living according to Socrates, and I've enjoyed it).
I'm still beset by fears that I'll fail my parents, that I won't find any meaning out there on my own and that I won't be able to create a life for myself that I really want to be living. I used to be more afraid of being alone, but I feel that's less likely to happen (and now that I actually have friends, unlike in the sixth grade, I feel a lot better). I'm worried about a lot of things, but I generally don't let most of it get to me, some of it just hovers though, unconquered by my higher reasoning. I'm also worried that I'll slip back into old patterns and habits, and 2 Am fits of melancholy don't help that too much.
Morality, Politics and Beliefs
Up until high school I was very much into religious faith, I had some misgivings about the Jehova's Witnesses, but they were some of the nicest people that I've ever met (at least in Middleboro), but in generally I just sort of accepted everything and didn't question it too much. In high school I drifted away from that world. Now I'm on the verge of rejecting all theistic constructs in favor of materialism, but I don't care enough to try and disabuse other people of their notions because they can be useful notions.
When I was trying to explain this position once, I did it in a rather insulting fashion, that the utility of religion as far as human social evolution was concerned was the best reason to keep it around, I really upset a person. After this I pretty much tried to keep this sort of thing to myself, except for supportive things like, "A faith community can provide an important sense of belonging and its rituals and texts can help anchor us in relation to our cultural history and to that community, and absolute answers can provide a lot of comfort and solace."
I like materialism as a theory, and I mean that in a generally scientific sense of the word, that it is a series of ideas that provide an explanation for a set of phenomena. While materialism itself may be hard to test (it's certainly hard to falsify since we live in a material universe, we would need to be outside that to really test it). I recognize the limitations of this view (vis a vis continental rationalism and certain sects of empiricism), but find that a theory of the material world gets results and explains just about everything in my conception, and can be used to explain things that aren't in my conception (fuckin' quarks). Some people have asked about meaning and morality in a godless universe, our founding fathers managed to have hashed out a rough idea (Thomas Jefferson didn't write anything about a creator, that language was added in by committee). I operate from the principle that people have certain natural rights that are conducive to a productive society (life, liberty and property in the classical conception) and it is up to people (and their governments) to protect and promote these rights and act in the general welfare.
Based upon these principles are certain moral conclusion, these conclusions more or less guide my behavior (although I am not checked from committing crimes by these objections, because I am not driven to commit crimes). I try and use these as guideposts to come to consistent views on divers subjects, for example I consider both the death penalty and abortion to be moral wrongs (the abortion one has changed to its present state more recently after personal reflection). There are of course mitigating factors for the latter, violations of personal autonomy and a large hardship placed upon the mother or the unborn because of inadequacies in the social welfare system.
Politically I am liberal, I believe that the New Deal was pretty much the best thing that happened to this country. It's a fair compromise between laissez-faire capitalism and socialism, and to be honest we're still practicing Keynesian economics today (in spite of what Republicans might say). The government of the United States of America is of the people, by the people, and for the people and it would do us well to keep that in mind and enforce it. It should permit us to behave as we will, so long as our behavior does not infringe upon the rights of others, and promote the general welfare through programs that help to give people the tools they need to succeed (access to healthcare, roads, clean water, clean air, education, defense, police, fire departments, libraries, museums). Of course market alternatives should be offered, but those will inevitably favor a certain class of people, which would create a defacto aristocracy (fuck that shit). While monetary capital might be locked up in the hands of a few, the great majority should not be deprived of access to human and cultural capital. Also, children shouldn't be disadvantaged simply because their parents are idiots (read: repeal laws that allow parents to be criminally negligent in the name of religion, and others).
Final Thought:
This sort of disclosure actually felt rather good, none of this had really been weighing on my chest and it's not in the most coherent fashion, but I think that it's a good place to start with. I would also like to mention how I feel that I have some of the very best friends in the world, even the ones that I don't see or speak with that often are often in my thoughts. I guess if there's really anything that people might want to know, I'm always around, and I suppose that people could leave their questions as comments and I'll answer them. Especially if they want to nitpick on some point, I'm always willing to elaborate or debate, after all an open mind is key to not being a dolt (but not so open as to let everything fall out).