{another day, another reason for} h e a r t a c h e .
I'm so tired my eyes won't stay open. I just "woke up" about 5 minutes ago. I'd like to get in the shower but I hear someone in there right now, so I am going to have to be really fast and take one in 10 minutes to go meet Jennifer and her friend on time for lunch. *laughs* 10 minutes.....
Okay, so I was doing so well with the homesickness thing. I mean, I felt it, and I missed home really bad, but last night, Kyla (my best friend from 8th grade called me) and for some reason, I started crying really hard and just wanted to get out of this place and run home. Luckily my mom called me not too much longer after that and we talked about it.
It's just really hard walking the campus and watching everyone walk in pairs or groups with their 'friends from high school'. I'm here by my fucking self. And I'm tired of everyone all, "Oh, you're so brave for being here on your own, and it'll be easier to make new friends that way."
Where are my new friends? Sure, I have some to walk with occasionally, but I've never been the following-type either. I feel like the group's little puppy, and I hate that. I'm tired of always having to be the "brave" one. When's my break coming?
But I wouldn't dream of going home because seriously, what's there for me? I miss my old friends, but not enough to drop everything I'm doing here to go back with them. We've all grown in such different ways, and you can't just dwell on the past. But I will admit, I miss being myself. Being stupid, crazy, serious, loving, and goofy all at the same time. Having someone know what I'm going to say before I'm going to say it. Being admired for being well...me.
I'm on my search again for 'the perfect friend'. And sure, everyone can say, "well, that just doesn't exist." But I can't help but look around and realize that everyone seems to have already found theirs.
Okay, so I was doing so well with the homesickness thing. I mean, I felt it, and I missed home really bad, but last night, Kyla (my best friend from 8th grade called me) and for some reason, I started crying really hard and just wanted to get out of this place and run home. Luckily my mom called me not too much longer after that and we talked about it.
It's just really hard walking the campus and watching everyone walk in pairs or groups with their 'friends from high school'. I'm here by my fucking self. And I'm tired of everyone all, "Oh, you're so brave for being here on your own, and it'll be easier to make new friends that way."
Where are my new friends? Sure, I have some to walk with occasionally, but I've never been the following-type either. I feel like the group's little puppy, and I hate that. I'm tired of always having to be the "brave" one. When's my break coming?
But I wouldn't dream of going home because seriously, what's there for me? I miss my old friends, but not enough to drop everything I'm doing here to go back with them. We've all grown in such different ways, and you can't just dwell on the past. But I will admit, I miss being myself. Being stupid, crazy, serious, loving, and goofy all at the same time. Having someone know what I'm going to say before I'm going to say it. Being admired for being well...me.
I'm on my search again for 'the perfect friend'. And sure, everyone can say, "well, that just doesn't exist." But I can't help but look around and realize that everyone seems to have already found theirs.