(no subject)
im here at the library avoiding going back to my room. i just don't get along with the roommie anymore. scratch that--we get along, we just don't click. we don't talk, we don't acknowledge each other, and every little thing she does makes my eye twitch. i mean, we live within 2 ft of each other and we don't even speak! i guess that's the number one thing thats bothering me. i don't expect us to be best friends and hang out everywhere all the time, but we've never done one thing with each other. once we went to breakfast, but once i had some other friends come join us, she split.
and another thing; she's rude to my friends. they come in sometimes and she gives them a fake little smile, a hello, then never speaks to them or tries to be hospitable. that gets on my last nerve because i've always been taught that everyone is a potential friend, and regardless of whatever, i am nice to everyone. it hurts when she leaves the room that my friends call her a bitch and one of my close friends just "doesn't like her".
that isn't what i signed up for. my family just says because i'm "estrada" (my mom's side of the family....) i can't live with anyone and be happy because we like to live alone and have everything our way. i agree with that to a certain degree. i don't have to have it all my way because i love meeting new people and learning new things. but i do have to admit i can breathe so much easier when she leaves the room or for the weekend because i'm alone. weird. guess i'll just end up living alone?
...unless i'm sharing my space with orlando bloom or jc or usher or something. i wouldn't mind giving up my space for them. hehe.
thanks for all the comments on the last post. i had no clue that i'd freak out and type all of that. i just have so much pent up frustration with the whole ordeal. tomorrow i find out the results. in my heart i know i'm okay, but there's apart of me that is just so nervous and unsure. everyone's telling me that i'm being responsible by doing this, but why do i still feel at fault? i finally told my mom everything. everything about him, about me, about the test. she was taken aback by my best well kept secret from her since i was a sophomore in high school, and that hurt us both more than i thought it would. my mother and i are best friends, and she was so hurt that she didn't know this. the biggest thing in my life right now and she had no clue. she said she couldnt believe i was juggling college, financial troubles, work, crap going on with my father, PLUS all of this std testing all at once. i just shrugged...i'm used to stressing myself out.
well, i've spent enough time here at the library and i'm going to go work out to get myself tired so i can pass out and wake up early tomorrow. got lots of stuff to do. i will find out the results from my test tomorrow, but i'm not sure when i will post again. this isn't the easiest thing to conceive, let alone journal about. much love to all of my friends who posted last. thanks for listening, for prayer, for caring. but you know me well--i'll be okay no matter what. :)