depressed and yes i realize it
ok yes i do realize i have a few friends who i talk to. i really dont have very many friends at all who i hang out with, and even if i hang out with them this week, doesnt mean i will still be talkin to them in over a week now. i realized tonight on my way home from work why i used to go into chat rooms all the time. i always went in there to feel like i had a friend, i was desperate and willing to talk to anyone, to make them my friend, to get to know them, or atleast let them get to know me. i thought when i got a cell phone, that i would get all of these ppl that i know calling me and talkin to me. i dont know why but i just thought i would. i thought i would be popular for some reason, or atleast the ppl i know, would call me or talk to me more often since they can get ahold of me, but i should of realized that during the summer, the only ppl who ever really called me often where the ppl that wanted to have sex with me. well i just checked my recieved calls and the majority of ppl who have called me, wanted somethign from me.
I should be used to not having friends, or atleast real friends who really care about how i feel and what im up to, but even the ppl i thought were my friends from high school dont even ask me how i am really doin in college when i see them on campus, i am like the invisible guy who most ppl could careless to see. i have one class with three ppl i knwo from thurston and not one of them have said anything to me yet in the class, and we have had class 4 times now. not a single word, not even an acknowledgement from them, or anything. i get treated like shit at work and i get pissed off. then when i want to talk to about how bad my night when, i always feel like there is no one i know to talk to so i run to the chat rooms to see if anyone would be willing to listen to me complain about my life. i think thats one reason why i usually cant keep a friend very long cause i dont know how too. i have been able to keep a friend in person for about a week or two and thats about it, after that, we never talk to eachother no matter what. we could walk right past eachohter in the mall and never say a word to the other person. i dont know if thats all my fault or anything, but i just feel like i cant keep a person. hell i cant even get in a freakin relationship with anyone at all. i can get into a sexual relation with ppl and those can last for the day or whatever. but i so badly want some friends who actually care about eachother and i freakin just want to have a bf and for it to last for more then a day or whatever, hell i think if it made it to an hr i would be happy.
well i better go so i can cry myself to sleep now and who knows, maybe feel better at school tomorrow bein the invisible person that no one ever comes up to and says anything to unless i say it to them first. night everyone
I should be used to not having friends, or atleast real friends who really care about how i feel and what im up to, but even the ppl i thought were my friends from high school dont even ask me how i am really doin in college when i see them on campus, i am like the invisible guy who most ppl could careless to see. i have one class with three ppl i knwo from thurston and not one of them have said anything to me yet in the class, and we have had class 4 times now. not a single word, not even an acknowledgement from them, or anything. i get treated like shit at work and i get pissed off. then when i want to talk to about how bad my night when, i always feel like there is no one i know to talk to so i run to the chat rooms to see if anyone would be willing to listen to me complain about my life. i think thats one reason why i usually cant keep a friend very long cause i dont know how too. i have been able to keep a friend in person for about a week or two and thats about it, after that, we never talk to eachother no matter what. we could walk right past eachohter in the mall and never say a word to the other person. i dont know if thats all my fault or anything, but i just feel like i cant keep a person. hell i cant even get in a freakin relationship with anyone at all. i can get into a sexual relation with ppl and those can last for the day or whatever. but i so badly want some friends who actually care about eachother and i freakin just want to have a bf and for it to last for more then a day or whatever, hell i think if it made it to an hr i would be happy.
well i better go so i can cry myself to sleep now and who knows, maybe feel better at school tomorrow bein the invisible person that no one ever comes up to and says anything to unless i say it to them first. night everyone